Did my ex have BPD?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hey guys,

I am in the process of finding some answers, and I hope you could help me. I am currently 28 years ord, my ex is 34. I broke up with my ex six months ago. After seeing videos on the subject I suspect she has BPD. She had a traumatizing childhood, where her moter committed suicide, an angry stepmother and a father who ignored her. She has had a string of failed relationship where she allways blames them for different curcumstances. She allways had a high level of fear of abandonment and would tell me that often. When we had disagreements she would allways criticise me, blame me for how she felt and take no responsibility. She could lock herself in a room, give me the silent treatment for hours/days and refuse to talk to me until I "found the right words". There also was times when she asked "are you ashamed of me?" When she was sick for example. Our relationship was very intense with very high highs, and very low lows. We had a very intense sexlife. she had a very high sexdrive and wanted to experiment often.  It was a rollercoaster. I got out after a year when I had the ultimatum of moving in, marrying her and have kids in a "2 year plan". She's currently not working, in treatment for ptsd. She also has chronic pain in fibryomalgi.

After six months I still can't get her out of my head. She was like a magnet to me. I've dated since my breakup, but haven't found anyone yet. My questions are: Should I get counseling? Is what I feel normal? Does she have BPD? I still care for her, but I try not to get in contact with her as I know our relationship wasn't good for my emotional heath.

I appreciate your answers.

Sincerely, Christoffer, Norway.

[Optimist87]

Hey guys,

I am in the process of finding some answers, and I hope you could help me. I am currently 28 years ord, my ex is 34. I broke up with my ex six months ago. After seeing videos on the subject I suspect she has BPD. She had a traumatizing childhood, where her moter committed suicide, an angry stepmother and a father who ignored her. She has had a string of failed relationship where she allways blames them for different curcumstances. She allways had a high level of fear of abandonment and would tell me that often. When we had disagreements she would allways criticise me, blame me for how she felt and take no responsibility. She could lock herself in a room, give me the silent treatment for hours/days and refuse to talk to me until I "found the right words". There also was times when she asked "are you ashamed of me?" When she was sick for example. Our relationship was very intense with very high highs, and very low lows. We had a very intense sexlife. she had a very high sexdrive and wanted to experiment often.  It was a rollercoaster. I got out after a year when I had the ultimatum of moving in, marrying her and have kids in a "2 year plan". She's currently not working, in treatment for ptsd. She also has chronic pain in fibryomalgi.

After six months I still can't get her out of my head. She was like a magnet to me. I've dated since my breakup, but haven't found anyone yet. My questions are: Should I get counseling? Is what I feel normal? Does she have BPD? I still care for her, but I try not to get in contact with her as I know our relationship wasn't good for my emotional heath.

I appreciate your answers.

Sincerely, Christoffer, Norway.

[once removed]

hey optimist87 and

i want to commend you for seeking support and sharing your story with us. the effects of these volatile relationships have a tremendous impact on us, which shouldnt be understated. youre not alone in your struggle.

My questions are: Should I get counseling? Is what I feel normal? Does she have BPD? I still care for her, but I try not to get in contact with her as I know our relationship wasn't good for my emotional heath.

unfortunately we are not professionals and cannot diagnose, but what we can do is look at traits and behaviors, and you describe several that would fit right in with the experiences of members on this board. i do think youre in good company. is what you feel normal? it is certainly commonly expressed here, though we all move at different rates. at six months i can tell you that though id done a lot of processing and certainly wasnt in the agony that i was in the first couple of months, i wasnt doing too well. should you get counseling? counseling, therapy, even seeing a doctor (especially if you are experiencing depression) are all great ideas, i highly recommend them, and many members here go this route.

it also helps to talk, and connect with others who can relate to your story. would you like to share some more of your experience?