In a new kind of pain

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I was pretty much feeling good. Although I do still have up and downs with the emotions. But I was moving on. and I even was able to erase what I wrote about him warning other of only the truth on the internet . There are still other sites with him on there but they aren't from me. Well, Now his mom and him have succeeded in getting my gym membership canceled because he paid for it. I gave him the money for my portion so it wasn't like I didn't  pay my part. After all I did for him. I paid for most of our trips and hotel stays at very nice places. I forgave him a $1500. Got him two jobs, helped in all ways possible. And I put up with his emotional rages and outburst. and let's not forget the day we broke up was the day he spit in my face. He cheated on me the whole relationship and lied about everything,. Used religion that is very sacred to me to make himself look trust worthy. Buying me religious gifts. taking me to mass every sunday and saying the rosary daily with me while he was having a second girlfriend. Part of me wants justice. He preyed upon me. In 2012 he was a priest at my church and he did spiritual direction with me. That is where they talk to you about your path with God. He knew all my insecurities, weaknesses, and he used them to manipulate me. He even did that same religious stuff with other girls. They are still attacking me., I feel like going to the Local paper and giving my story. He was a local priest. Who knows he may not be BPD he may just be a straight up Sociopath. None of it is not true and it could help others. But I really don't want my business out there. But it would be nice to shine a light on BPD! If he has that. A much too much unknown mental illness. I knew nothing about it before my ex. and it affects 4.9% I think I read. I'm sure I won't do that . But Really it just sucks that he keeps victimizing me. and His mom is the same way. two faced and lies I see that now. She may have the same illness. I just need some positive feed back telling me that I don't need to do anything he will ruin his own life. I saw first hand in the 18 months together. He changed 4 jobs, no true aspirations, had no friends, loved to travel too much! Never saved a dime! and developed a gambling addiction the last 7 months we were together. That is not counting his rages, mood swings, flip outs, put downs, neediness, always on top of me every freaking day but still finding time to cheat! go figure. He is a severe case I think. Can anyone please just tell me. He is going to have a worse life than me! I was so abused buy this guy, and I loved him so much! I can't even tell you how much I would do for him and how deeply I really loved him. He betrayed me in the worse ways. That still each day I wake actually hurts my heart. I loved him and thought our relationship was so special. 5 major trips in 18 months. plus so many weekend getaways. TO be treated like that and still after all he did to me , he has to do more and not just let me have the gym membership. I hope he really reaps what he sows. I do believe the way you treat others will come back to you in life in some form.

[Itstopsnow]

I was pretty much feeling good. Although I do still have up and downs with the emotions. But I was moving on. and I even was able to erase what I wrote about him warning other of only the truth on the internet . There are still other sites with him on there but they aren't from me. Well, Now his mom and him have succeeded in getting my gym membership canceled because he paid for it. I gave him the money for my portion so it wasn't like I didn't  pay my part. After all I did for him. I paid for most of our trips and hotel stays at very nice places. I forgave him a $1500. Got him two jobs, helped in all ways possible. And I put up with his emotional rages and outburst. and let's not forget the day we broke up was the day he spit in my face. He cheated on me the whole relationship and lied about everything,. Used religion that is very sacred to me to make himself look trust worthy. Buying me religious gifts. taking me to mass every sunday and saying the rosary daily with me while he was having a second girlfriend. Part of me wants justice. He preyed upon me. In 2012 he was a priest at my church and he did spiritual direction with me. That is where they talk to you about your path with God. He knew all my insecurities, weaknesses, and he used them to manipulate me. He even did that same religious stuff with other girls. They are still attacking me., I feel like going to the Local paper and giving my story. He was a local priest. Who knows he may not be BPD he may just be a straight up Sociopath. None of it is not true and it could help others. But I really don't want my business out there. But it would be nice to shine a light on BPD! If he has that. A much too much unknown mental illness. I knew nothing about it before my ex. and it affects 4.9% I think I read. I'm sure I won't do that . But Really it just sucks that he keeps victimizing me. and His mom is the same way. two faced and lies I see that now. She may have the same illness. I just need some positive feed back telling me that I don't need to do anything he will ruin his own life. I saw first hand in the 18 months together. He changed 4 jobs, no true aspirations, had no friends, loved to travel too much! Never saved a dime! and developed a gambling addiction the last 7 months we were together. That is not counting his rages, mood swings, flip outs, put downs, neediness, always on top of me every freaking day but still finding time to cheat! go figure. He is a severe case I think. Can anyone please just tell me. He is going to have a worse life than me! I was so abused buy this guy, and I loved him so much! I can't even tell you how much I would do for him and how deeply I really loved him. He betrayed me in the worse ways. That still each day I wake actually hurts my heart. I loved him and thought our relationship was so special. 5 major trips in 18 months. plus so many weekend getaways. TO be treated like that and still after all he did to me , he has to do more and not just let me have the gym membership. I hope he really reaps what he sows. I do believe the way you treat others will come back to you in life in some form.

[Mutt]

Hi Itstopsnow,

Its not fair with all of things that you did and your ex and his mom cancelled the gym membership. If I had to guess it's to get an emotional response.

I felt the same way when I could finally match something with my ex wife's behaviors: Borderline Personality Disorder.

I felt like telling everyone that knows my ex wife. BPD is an invisible disorder. The behaviors are directed at the people closest to the person. It sounds like you had emotional intimacy if he knew your insecurities and weaknesses. It sounds like you trusted him to share personal things with him. The emotional outburst and rages that you experienced is because the emotional intimacy is triggered by BPD.

It's not my duty to JADE my ex wife's behaviors to people that know her. I also have children involved and I would rather that it come from me at the correct time and not from someone else. How would that make me look like if I explained that to people? BPD is complicated to understand and how would it sound to someone unfamiliar or disinterested in understanding mental illness and carry on with their normal day to day life.

It helps to talk to people that have been through it because we can empathize.

Who keeps attacking you?

[Turkish]

He certainly used his power and influence to prey upon you. It's natural to feel betrayed on many levels. I would feel traumatized further, if his "girls" were also behaving inappropriately. He isn't going to change, or be the change in life that you want and need. How can you get distance? "Outing" him is likely to keep you attached, and likely ensnare you in more drama. He's violated his oaths, and has broken Church "Law." Personally, it will catch up to him. Profressionally, perhaps... .What can you do to help yourself by stepping out of possibly being enmeshed in more drama?

[Itstopsnow]

I agree totally with both of you! Part of me wants him to feel pain like me. But I don't want to expose myself to that as well. I'm a business owner for 7 years locally. I don't need that. Plus thinking of staying attached to him upsets me more. I know he would attack back. I just will let it go. So they got yet another abusive behavior out on me. What can I do? His mom and him are attacking me. I know she's telling him what to do. Calling his credit card company and claiming fraud. The gym may give it back to them because they did terminate his membership. I never told them to. I asked to separate out accounts. It's done. I am just once again hurt by his lack of human decency . I gave him everything! The summer he was out of the priesthood . I paid for breakfast lunch dinner and desert everyday . He had no money and he always wanted to be at my office. Over stepping boundaries. I do believe his life will get out of control all on his own doing. He was out of control when things ended. He was dating at least 3 girls. Who knows maybe some guys too. I can't believe I was so foolish and trusted him. He had his cell phone around me all the time. I knew the code. 12/25. For Jesus birthday! Who does that? He pretends to be so pious . He is a rotten person

[Turkish]

Living in a small community has it's advatages... .and disadvatages, especially if you have some visibility or prominence. My Ex's affair partner, now my kids' step dad paints himself as an Uber-religious person, even saying last summer that he prayed for me. I stifled a natural sarcastic response.

We all live in our own minds. How connected with reality we are varies. Getting caught up in someone else's disordered reality can cause confusion and pain. Detaching brings us back to ourselves, seperating us from being enmeshed with disorder and drama. It's certainly tough, especially given other factors (his other women, the community social aspect). Detaching is about us, however, making concious choices to make it better for us. This focuses it back on us, where we have 100% power and control. What's in your power to influence, to result in a better you, Itstopsnow?

[Itstopsnow]

I'm just going to let go of them. Hopefully they will walk away with no further damage. I am starting hospice work as a volunteer side job. And I just also trained to be a life counselor at a pregnancy center . And just trying to build up my business. I just want to let go of thoughts of him. It bothers me how much he is still in my thoughts. I bet he only thinks of me as the one who victimized him. I don't want any thoughts of this person ever again. I again don't hate him! I'm just mad that he is still doing things to harm me emotionally and finically . I'd be happy to let go of all of this if it meant he wouldn't be in my thoughts still. I just get so upset on how cruel and callus he could be. I never knew this guy and who he turned Out to be I'm ashamed of. I'm ashamed I dated him.

[Mutt]

Itstopsnow,

It bothered me too that my ex wife was in my thoughts often when I was grieving. Anger helps to detach from unhealthy relationships but if anger turns to fear, hatred and bitterness the person has control over you. Its good that you're mad at him. Letting them both go is a good goal. It takes time and it's not a linear process.

You feel ashamed because he turned out to be someone that he's not. The disorder is triggered when we got too close to our ex partners. I didn't understand why my ex partner had disproportionate displays of anger because she felt engulfed. The disorder is not our fault.

I wanted my ex wife to feel the pain that she inflicted on me because I wanted her to understand the incredible pain I was left in. You suffered an emotional wound.

[troisette]

I read somewhere that BPDs and NPDs can gravitate to professions that offer automatic authority or respect.

Religion acts as a great camouflage... .

I too want my ex to hurt as much as I did/do. Trying not to think about it because it only poisons me, self inflicted pain. But a natural response I guess.