How did it change after you moved in with them?

[4Years5Months]

I can remember within a week of moving in with my exBPDgf as the moment where the infatuation phase ended.  My daughter (who only stayed with us part of the time) spilled a glass of orange juice, and within an hour, my ex was curled up in our bed, solemnly saying she couldn't live with a child, and wanted to move away to another city and achieve her dreams.  Until that moment, it was all about US, and moving in together seemed like the next step in the progression of our relationship.  That was five months after we started dating.

Does anyone have experiences of their relationship with a pwBPD changing significantly once you moved in with them?  Did it become worse?  I felt like my ex was holding in those fears and felt trapped, and it all boiled over.

Is moving in with a pwBPD lighting the fuse on a powder keg?  Did your pwBPD's traits intensify once you signed the lease?

[blackbirdsong]

I can remember within a week of moving in with my exBPDgf as the moment where the infatuation phase ended.  My daughter (who only stayed with us part of the time) spilled a glass of orange juice, and within an hour, my ex was curled up in our bed, solemnly saying she couldn't live with a child, and wanted to move away to another city and achieve her dreams.  Until that moment, it was all about US, and moving in together seemed like the next step in the progression of our relationship.  That was five months after we started dating.

Does anyone have experiences of their relationship with a pwBPD changing significantly once you moved in with them?  Did it become worse?  I felt like my ex was holding in those fears and felt trapped, and it all boiled over.

Is moving in with a pwBPD lighting the fuse on a powder keg?  Did your pwBPD's traits intensify once you signed the lease?

Never reached that phase, altough I practically lived there, slept at her apartment almost every day. I remember that she mentioned that when she moved in to her ex things started to be ugly. Of course, the reasons were different by her telling.

[SummerStorm]

Most of the bad stories she has about exes are about ones she lived with. 

Her ex said to me once, "Things were good for those first few months.  She started acting crazy when she moved in with me."  Up until that point, she spent several nights a week at his place.  She dragged her feet when it came to moving in with him.  It took her a month to actually move all of her stuff from her apartment to his place.  I'm sure this was mostly fear of engulfment.  She first hit him about three weeks after moving in with him and didn't stop until she moved out.

With me, all it took was us looking at a house together to make her run in the other direction. 

[DreamerGirl]

4Years5Months - "lighting the fuse on a powder keg" is exactly what happened when we attempted to live together.

I was shocked at the immediate change in his personality.

Within days he was staying out all night, not answering calls or texts.  It was horrible and an experience I would never want to go through again.  It all blew up after 3 weeks, yep, we only lasted three weeks.  He moved out in a firestorm and I really saw the vindictive side to him.

That was a really sad moment in the relationship, because I realized we could probably never live together. 

In the few times we've talked about potentially trying again, he comes out and blames me and says I was too controlling because I wouldn't let him put his TV in the bedroom.

 

[apollotech]

Engulfment! The primary bane of a BPD relationship. It certainly destroyed mine and most of the ones that I've read about on these boards.