I can only tell you my personal experience. I towards the end reached out to my exBPDgf's parents; twice about her suicide threats, and finally I sent her Dad a long heartfelt email explaining she has real problems; which I had begged her to seek treatment for (see anyone, a psychologist, just for evaluation); etc, That I loved her but was so worried about her and didnt know what to do or how to help.
It pretty much fell on deaf ears. I never even got a response. To any of my contacts. Yet in person they seemed to always like me.
I would recommend asking yourself what you expect to gain; for you and for you as a couple, and for her, and if those expectations are realistic.
In closing, I think what I realized is that the apple doesnt fall far from the tree (most likely). And that my ex's BPD stemmed from, perhaps... .her parents.
I could be wrong. And I'll never know. But I thought it was very strange that when my ex said she was going to slit her wrists; or jump off her apartment building (and then hang up and disappear for days, turning off phone) - that her parents didnt even return my calls of absolute concern about this. That they never once reached back to me.
Because my parents; the 1 or 2 times my ex went nuts and called my Mom or Dad (yup she did) - my parents? They talked to her. Returned her calls. Responded. Followed up with me. But my parents are amazing loving people. I never really knew hers too well.
I've calmed down some since posting this. Thank you so much for this I think you're right
No problem and good luck to you. I know what you are going through is VERY hard. I too am going through a very rough time. A whole range of emotions. One minute I miss her warmth, like when falling asleep, other times, I miss the friend, just watching a movie or going out to eat. I miss making love-- for sure, I can say she was the best lover I'd had. All of this, this loss, of something so important, and the way she literally discarded me, lied to me, disrespected me in the end (I did bad things too I am by no means innocent); but in the end was "ok" with just literally just saying buzz off, and never talking to me again, after 5 years... .was well the greatest shock, loss, and painful moment of my life. Amazing how someone you love, and trust, can end up being the worst thing that ever happened to you.
But there are some sayings; getting back to the parents. They say girls marry their fathers (or men that remind them of their fathers). Men look for women like their mothers; in terms of qualities. I think this resonates with our deep longing to go home. Because we lose that as we grow up.
I feel that every day. I own a condo. Its very nice. It has big screen tvs, all sorts of gadgets and toys, nice furniture... .but I do feel homeless. My parents are retired now in a place I didnt grow up. And I live in a city where I did not grow up. So homeless is really how I feel, especially now, because she was my home, not this box I live in.
But those parents; we are in many ways reflections of them... .our parents. If she has all of these issues. Her biggest influences growing up, the two people who were always there (or never there); were her parents. They shaped her. Her formative years.
We shape our children (when we have them). We mold them. Great care has to be taken with that responsibility. If she has these issues; don't think her parents are "like you", or "like your parents". She was molded by them in more ways than you would like to think. And many of her issues, I would think- she learned from somewhere.
There's a great line in the movie Garden State; where Zach and Natalie are for the first time bonding as they swim together in a pool one evening. Zach says... ."Maybe that's all a family really is... .A group of people that all remember the same imaginary place, that no longer exists". It's what makes my family my family; we share the memory of that place that no longer exists in this time... .it's gone. We're still a family, but the home is gone.
Unless you have an exceptionally close and loving relationship with them. I would tread carefully. Again, I called her parents nearly in tears... .I can't reach her, she's threatened to hurt herself. Please call me back. ---- Nothing. I'm sure they called her. She said "its fine hes crazy". And they didnt even bother to get to the real bottom of it.
Because the truth is... .she threatened to jump off a 10 story building. I didnt dream that. Amazing to me. Shows me one thing: Her parents dont care about her. Because if someone called me... .And said "MY" child said that. I would first call "MY" child. Then likely call them, regardless of what my child said.
Either way; I would not just let something like that go. But that is who her parents are.
