Guardianship

[bpdmom1]

We met with an attorney today to get started on getting temporary guardianship of our daughter.  She is currently in a theraputic boarding school.  They want us to get guardianship so she doesn't check herself out when she turns 18.  They are going to be telling her in the next few weeks and I'm already having some anxiety to how she will react.  It will really depend on her mood.  If she is doing well she might agree that is for the best.  If not, she could have a full melt down.  I guess I'm glad I won't be there to see it.

We had a great Christmas visit and she handled herself very well.  I really miss that side of her.  However, the week before she saw her sister for the first time since she left home and during a group therapy session told her sister that she got pleasure out of seeing her cry.  One minute I have so much hope for her and the next no hope.  I feel like I'm still riding her roller coaster and she isn't even home. 

Would like to hear from anyone else who went through the guardian process.  What to watch out for etc...

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

I can only imagine what her reaction may be 

We can hope that she will come to terms with this choice as she heals and accepts help at her RTC. 

Regardless of her reaction (she may have several depending on where she is in her healing process) you are making the best choice to give her opportunities to help herself.  Hold onto that when it gets tough!  Being a parent means making the best choices for our kids when they don't. 

lbj

[livednlearned]

Hi BPDmom1,

I don't have any experience with guardianship, so can't comment on that. I did want to tell you I'm thinking of you, and wish you well these upcoming weeks when your daughter learns she cannot leave school. Like you say, how she reacts will depend on her mood.

And her mood may change many times as the news sinks in over time. She may also have a stormy reaction to you and school staff, yet still know that it's better for her to remain somewhere safe.

How long will the temporary guardianship be granted? It sounds like the school is on the same page with you, and are aware that there will be an adjustment to the news.

And I'm so sorry for your other daughter. It takes a lot of emotional strength to not take such cutting remarks personally  :'(

[bpdmom1]

Thanks for listening.

We've heard from her a couple of times since Christmas.  New Years she was able to talk for a few minutes and was super excited about the New Years Eve party they had and was really excited about another therapy event.  She was so happy and sounded so positive.

Today during our weekly call she was really sad and stated that she self harmed as it is so hard being there as everyone irritates her so much.   She again stated that she is planning to leave when she is 18 even though she knows logically it isn't the best option for her.  We did a lot of listening.  I was glad she was able to articulate her feelings, but it is so hard on me to see her up and down like this.  She also mentioned that she now has an eating disorder as someone commented on her weight.

It is all so confusing.  We are waiting on the therapist when to tell her the plan to get extended guardianship.  I hope it helps her not to think about checking herself out, but afraid instead she will feel trapped without options.

So New Years I was feeling really good, but today not.  It is like she gets a emotional high from something and then crashes. 

[lbjnltx]

Persons who suffer with BPD are on emotional rollercoasters.

One thing we can do for our own well being (and theirs) is not to take the ride with them.

We can learn to manage our fears through skills like wisemind, mindfulness, and self awareness.  Have you gleaned any useful info from the tools and lessons to help you with this?

lbj

[bpdmom1]

I have to admit I haven't reviewed those skills.  My focus as been more on understanding her and learning validation skills.  It seems the only way to get off the emotional roller coaster is to stop caring and I'm not willing to do that.  The more time goes by with out her home the easier it is. 

BTW - We had an appointment scheduled to tell her about the guardianship, but for some reason she was informed prior to our appointment.  Her response was relief.  She was very glad to hear as she has been so afraid of checking herself out.  I suppose she was in a good head space and it was the right time to bring it up.  I'm relieved and feeling good about her future, tomorrow who knows.

[livednlearned]

Her response was relief. 

What a good outcome!

I feel relief for you 

[wendydarling]

I'm relieved for you too BPDmom1 and for your daughter.  I wonder if this might be a turning point for her, she obviously appreciates and values your support and from my experience that's significant.

[bpdmom1]

Probably not a turning point. 

We heard from the facility today that she is now very upset with the decision.  Who knows how she will feel tomorrow.  I'm not surprised.  I'm sure it would be difficult and confusing for anyone turning 18 to hear this.  We talk with her tomorrow and will try our validation skills and do a lot of listening.  I'm guessing part of her is relieved and her other side is upset that she is losing control.