Exchange messed up, uBPDbm punished us for it

[Thunderstruck]

Ugh.

Yesterday for Easter our temp CO says that uBPDbm was supposed to have SD11 from 9am until 8pm. The 9am exchange went ok, just a little drama on Our Family Wizard where she was threatening to call the cops.

Then around 6pm the baby was fussy. DH and I both laid down with the baby to put him to sleep and all three of us fell asleep. I woke up and it was dark out. OH NO! We missed the exchange.

DH messaged and messaged and messaged uBPDbm. She would read them but wouldn't respond. So she refused to exchange SD11.

Then this morning uBPDbm refused to meet at the police station (per the court order). She claimed she was working but that DH could go to the pool at her apartment to get SD11.   DH won't go anywhere near her place... .the last time he did she filed a RO. So I went to the apartment to pick SD11 up... .and uBPDbm is still there! "Work" my behind!

Yes, we messed up. And uBPDbm made sure to punish us for it. 

Do any of you have stipulations in your PPs about what happens when someone is late or misses an exchange?

[Nope]

Actually, I think the state we originally had the order out of had a rule about it.

A half an hour late without a call/text meant the time had been forfeited.

Maybe there is a specific rule on that where you are. Worth checking in to. Remember, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. If she hadn't been more interested in drama than in playing keep-away you may have had no recourse except to wait it out until the next scheduled exchange.

[bravhart1]

Go to the pool? Like SD was going to be left unsupervised at a public pool while mom was supposedly at work? That sounds like questionable parenting... .

She's a nut job. So you fell asleep. She had daughter for the whole Easter, she should have been happy.

Apologize for missing pick up in an email. Explain it was a human error and not an attempt to hurt anyone or out of some attempt at revenge.

And in same email reveal the need for a backup plan in case things happen in the next seven years of exchanges. See what she says, she may try to make it very punitive, let her. She may be the one falling asleep next time and she will have to live with her own words.

Forgive yourself

[Thunderstruck]

It sounds like she is triggered by something. She kept claiming that DH didn't show up because he didn't care and it was just proof of him being an irresponsible parent.   I'm sure DH could have gone with a police officer and picked SD up, but he didn't want to escalate.

uBPDbm has several times had to push back the time of exchanges (where we're the ones dropping off SD to her) and we've always been flexible. I'm not surprised that she wouldn't return the courtesy.

I'm so so tired of the drama. I want a final CO that spells this stuff out!

[bravhart1]

Any luck with evaluation?

Your BPDm must think she won the lottery. She has to go through a evaluation that may shine a light on her nutty behaviours and the evaluator extends its release indefinitely? Like the borderline jackpot 

I hope it gets resolved soon. Though I have a court order and a no contact order and she still causes drama, so there isn't a magic bullet out there. Only maybe time, like the day the kids turn 18.

[Thunderstruck]

Nope, no luck.  

I looked up the CE's personal divorce case online and her husband is appealing the temp ruling... .so it looks like she has her hands full with her own conflict. We are completely tapped out money wise, so we have no clue how to proceed.

We had SD11 up until today and for the rest of the week she is at uBPDbm's, so I am going to sit down with DH and figure out a plan. There are big things we need addressed immediately and can't wait (like where SD is going to go to school in 4 months).