"They, they, they..."

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

This board seems to be deconstructing a bit. That is not necessarily a bad thing--for divergent opinion in the marketplace of ideas exemplifies a dynamic process which synthesizes oppositional critical thinking. As long as we are respectful of each other's perspectives and thought trains. 

Today in the USA it is MLK day. On August 23, 1963 in front of the Lincoln Memorial he gave his beautiful and uplifting, "I Have a Dream Speech."

Dr. King's words resonate down through the generations beyond the scope of the African American struggle, while speaking to us all--as sentient humane beings.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Both nons, and people with BPD exist both in theory and application beyond the one size fits all stigma that on occasion leads to divisive trains of thought on this board. For we should judge each other individually, not by the label of the disorder but by the content of the particular relationship itself. And our mileage may vary.

I am often reticent to speak personally about my experiences with my pwBPD because I am far removed from the initial shock and awe. Though truths remain for me. Beautiful and ugly truths. An indelible soufflé that has permeated my essence for over a decade.

And on whole it has been enticing, wonderful and complex. 7.5-out--of-ten-years were what I sought to construct--with a woman--and 2.5 were the devil taking its cut. In baseball that would be the most storied Hall of Fame average (a .300 batting average is exceptional though that illustrates a 3-in-10 chance of getting a hit). The average I have achieved over the last 10 years with my pwBPD far exceeds the success I experienced with my ex-(non) wife over 18 years. Though she and I remain complimentary, and co-parent without rancor or divide.

Consequently when we declare "they, they, they" as if implying that "they" (pwBPD) are interchangeable, we fan the flames on that slippery slope which allows us to objectify our brothers and sisters in this one life that we share.

Abusive people abuse, but neither are all people with BPD abusive, nor are the abusive ones beyond redemption. An argument can be made that they may be more amenable to redemption than a calculated manipulative non.

Regardless, on this day let us remember that redemption is available to us all, for both non and individuals with BPD. And it will serve us best not to judge those with disorders by the label of their specific disorder but by the content of their character. In the exact same manner that we would desire to be judged ourselves. I am quite cognizant of the suffering here. I have suffered too. However, to transcend suffering these equations of the heart cannot be mired in a bottomless mud puddles of contempt and hyperbole--for redemption is afforded both Saint and Sinner in equal opportunity. Peace. 

[Conundrum]

This board seems to be deconstructing a bit. That is not necessarily a bad thing--for divergent opinion in the marketplace of ideas exemplifies a dynamic process which synthesizes oppositional critical thinking. As long as we are respectful of each other's perspectives and thought trains. 

Today in the USA it is MLK day. On August 23, 1963 in front of the Lincoln Memorial he gave his beautiful and uplifting, "I Have a Dream Speech."

Dr. King's words resonate down through the generations beyond the scope of the African American struggle, while speaking to us all--as sentient humane beings.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

Both nons, and people with BPD exist both in theory and application beyond the one size fits all stigma that on occasion leads to divisive trains of thought on this board. For we should judge each other individually, not by the label of the disorder but by the content of the particular relationship itself. And our mileage may vary.

I am often reticent to speak personally about my experiences with my pwBPD because I am far removed from the initial shock and awe. Though truths remain for me. Beautiful and ugly truths. An indelible soufflé that has permeated my essence for over a decade.

And on whole it has been enticing, wonderful and complex. 7.5-out--of-ten-years were what I sought to construct--with a woman--and 2.5 were the devil taking its cut. In baseball that would be the most storied Hall of Fame average (a .300 batting average is exceptional though that illustrates a 3-in-10 chance of getting a hit). The average I have achieved over the last 10 years with my pwBPD far exceeds the success I experienced with my ex-(non) wife over 18 years. Though she and I remain complimentary, and co-parent without rancor or divide.

Consequently when we declare "they, they, they" as if implying that "they" (pwBPD) are interchangeable, we fan the flames on that slippery slope which allows us to objectify our brothers and sisters in this one life that we share.

Abusive people abuse, but neither are all people with BPD abusive, nor are the abusive ones beyond redemption. An argument can be made that they may be more amenable to redemption than a calculated manipulative non.

Regardless, on this day let us remember that redemption is available to us all, for both non and individuals with BPD. And it will serve us best not to judge those with disorders by the label of their specific disorder but by the content of their character. In the exact same manner that we would desire to be judged ourselves. I am quite cognizant of the suffering here. I have suffered too. However, to transcend suffering these equations of the heart cannot be mired in a bottomless mud puddles of contempt and hyperbole--for redemption is afforded both Saint and Sinner in equal opportunity. Peace. 

[DreamGirl]

What a beautifully written sentiment.

Thank you. 

[once removed]

i agree, conundrum, that "they" statements are best avoided. our perspective is really limited to our experience only. the vast majority of our exes are undiagnosed, and probably a majority of that vast majority would not qualify for a diagnosis; thats always something to keep in mind and to stay centered. none of us are experts, either.

its not inappropriate to use a "they" statement that is clinically accurate, when we are describing a definitive set of traits, but there are (plenty of) exceptions to every rule, and its really not necessary, either, as there is still an implication of "us vs they".

[GoingBack2OC]

I always try to remind myself. There are three sides to every story.

Your side.

Their side.

and The Truth.

[cosmonaut]

This is a really great post.   

We should indeed all remember that every person is unique.  Each of is a human being with our own hopes, dreams, heartbreaks, disappointments, vices and virtues.  Everyone wants to be loved and accepted.  Whether we have a PD or not.