Blocking

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Okay, so--I was at my nephew's birthday party last night, and my mother (who was a little drunk) picked a fight with me, or tried to, about something so batsh*t crazy... .details would be exhausting and pointless. I'll just say that her "beef" was about something that is a. not something a sane person would care about, b. not something I did, c. something that another person did, and d. This other person is someone who did this thing in the process of a grievous wrong she inflicted on me. Oh, and d. my mother, without even taking time to understand what happened, sided with this other person (a virtual stranger).

Point is, a crazy-making and hurtful situation.

I told her I'd done nothing wrong, but I would go over to her house today and she could get it all off her chest. My idea was: 1. to avoid letting this fight ruin my nephew's party; 2. to let her have her say so she could not pretend she was being muzzled. I have no intention of defending myself, which is pointless (she's insane) and unnecessary. I wish I could shut her out, block her emails and calls, because I'm sick of being exposed to her hurtful ways. I wish we could have zero relationship after this "conversation," but I won'tblock her, because she's my mom and she's an old lady and it would make everything too difficult for my siblings if I did that.

I think I'm not unique here in having been preemptively blocked by my ex, immediately following the discard and without having any history of making excessive or unreasonable contact in the past. It was one of the most painful parts of the whole experience.

Here's the point: I had a sudden flash of recognition just now: how I'm feeling about my mother (rage, impotence, no-win, wish to BLOCK) is probably not far from how he felt. Difference is that I'm not imagining the abuse I've been subjected to, and also I won't act on this childish impulse.

Just wanted to share.

[steelwork]

Okay, so--I was at my nephew's birthday party last night, and my mother (who was a little drunk) picked a fight with me, or tried to, about something so batsh*t crazy... .details would be exhausting and pointless. I'll just say that her "beef" was about something that is a. not something a sane person would care about, b. not something I did, c. something that another person did, and d. This other person is someone who did this thing in the process of a grievous wrong she inflicted on me. Oh, and d. my mother, without even taking time to understand what happened, sided with this other person (a virtual stranger).

Point is, a crazy-making and hurtful situation.

I told her I'd done nothing wrong, but I would go over to her house today and she could get it all off her chest. My idea was: 1. to avoid letting this fight ruin my nephew's party; 2. to let her have her say so she could not pretend she was being muzzled. I have no intention of defending myself, which is pointless (she's insane) and unnecessary. I wish I could shut her out, block her emails and calls, because I'm sick of being exposed to her hurtful ways. I wish we could have zero relationship after this "conversation," but I won'tblock her, because she's my mom and she's an old lady and it would make everything too difficult for my siblings if I did that.

I think I'm not unique here in having been preemptively blocked by my ex, immediately following the discard and without having any history of making excessive or unreasonable contact in the past. It was one of the most painful parts of the whole experience.

Here's the point: I had a sudden flash of recognition just now: how I'm feeling about my mother (rage, impotence, no-win, wish to BLOCK) is probably not far from how he felt. Difference is that I'm not imagining the abuse I've been subjected to, and also I won't act on this childish impulse.

Just wanted to share.