DEAR ALL...

[FURDA]

Dear all ,

I'm so happy I found this forum. First I have to apologise for bad English since I am not a native speaker. That means that I have no personal attachment to any written word. It's funny, you know to feel so very neutral to all kind of words. They can't harm me. Even if they are "strong"    So,  I am here to find some answers or some guidance no matter how hard they will fall on me. So please, guide me with your wisdom and your experience .

I will start at the end - that is - in the present. In my heart I am a young girl in spite of the fact that I am approaching my fifties.  Through your posts I found that I am not alone in my abuse.  Today I have a good life. And the BPD abuser has no physical power over me no more. But now I am in weird position. This person - my father - has a terminal disease. I don't know how to cope with that fact.  He is not any softer because of that.  I can see how he's pulling my mother  into his  black despair.  I am afraid that he is planning something in Thelma and Louise style. I would like to protect my mother from his evil, evil, evil hysterical, abusive behaviour.  I can't feel anything positive for him.  I pity him, that's all.  Is this normal? To not feel anything? Thanks for your opinion.

Any suggestions?

[Turkish]

Hi FURDA,



I'm glad that you are safe from your father. It must be very hard to see your mother being dragged off a cliff. Dealing with a terminal diagnosis must be hard, but your father's behaviors sound like they have always been there.

Is there anything like hospice or end-of-life care set up for your father? What, specifically, is he doing which is causing you and your mother pain?

Turkish

[HappyChappy]

evil, evil, evil hysterical, abusive behaviour.  I can't feel anything positive for him.  I pity him, that's all.  Is this normal? To not feel anything? Thanks for your opinion.

Hi

I'm so sorry you had to endure abuse. To answer your question ,yes your reaction does sound normal and understandable. It’s like a mental anaesthetic, if there has been trauma in the past. If someone abuses you it’s normal to detached at some point. Even without language to aide with that.

Sounds like your mom may be “enmeshed” with your farther. Does your mother have many relationships outside of your family of origin ? Could you encourage her to connect outside so she has support when he’s gone? If you’re worried about Thelma and Louise then connections with the outside (real) world can only help. Also Turks idea of a hospice would be worth exploring.