Finally free to a certain extent

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My now ex-Partner was diagnosed with BPD maybe 6 years ago. When I read some literature on what BPD is, I felt truly betrayed by him because this is the second relationship I've had in which the man did a 180° change after he had me caught up in the relationship. My first husband pretended to be compatible with me, too, but not because of a mental illness--it's a cultural thing (he's Arab).

After several years of trying to work things out but knowing that I could not accept being stuck in a relationship with a pathological liar and abusive partner, I finally refused to be intimate with him at all which forced him to go looking elsewhere. Of course, he looked up an old girlfriend immediately and thinks everyone around him should share in his joy.

Unfortunately, we are sharing a house. He is going to move into the basement which is a separate apartment. Because of his careless spending, our finances are miserable. I'm hoping to be able to move away from him completely some day because I know I will be the object of his abuse again at some point. We have a 10 year old daughter who is suffering from her father's behavior and has suffered for a long time.

I hope to heal from this dysfunctional relationship enough to be able to have the relationship I truly want -- a partner who is suited to me and not a predator who tricks me.

I'd love to hear from anyone in the same boat.

Take care.

[Cryin Shame]

My now ex-Partner was diagnosed with BPD maybe 6 years ago. When I read some literature on what BPD is, I felt truly betrayed by him because this is the second relationship I've had in which the man did a 180° change after he had me caught up in the relationship. My first husband pretended to be compatible with me, too, but not because of a mental illness--it's a cultural thing (he's Arab).

After several years of trying to work things out but knowing that I could not accept being stuck in a relationship with a pathological liar and abusive partner, I finally refused to be intimate with him at all which forced him to go looking elsewhere. Of course, he looked up an old girlfriend immediately and thinks everyone around him should share in his joy.

Unfortunately, we are sharing a house. He is going to move into the basement which is a separate apartment. Because of his careless spending, our finances are miserable. I'm hoping to be able to move away from him completely some day because I know I will be the object of his abuse again at some point. We have a 10 year old daughter who is suffering from her father's behavior and has suffered for a long time.

I hope to heal from this dysfunctional relationship enough to be able to have the relationship I truly want -- a partner who is suited to me and not a predator who tricks me.

I'd love to hear from anyone in the same boat.

Take care.

[once removed]

hey cryin shame and

i think youll find many members here who are in the same or a similar boat. its very difficult living with someone who we are detaching from, especially someone who has abused us. do you have a plan as far as moving? are you able to make time for yourself?

how is your daughter coping?

[Cryin Shame]

Thanks for asking; my daughter is coping well. She will be able to see her father anytime she wants (unless, of course, he travels to his girlfriend, who lives far enough away that he would have to stay for a Weekend). One of the things I look forward to is getting rid of most of the furniture he has stuffed the house full to the rafters with. As soon as I can set up my own space, so that my children and myself feel comfortable and can finally call where we live a home, then a lot of the stress will dissolve.