10.5 years of failed marriage

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hello group members. I've been reading the last few days after being told about this forum by a poster on another forum. I was posting about being asked for a divorce and told my story. He suggested that I might have a BPD spouse. After reading many stories, the lessons and further information I believe this is the case

Right now is an extraordinarily painful time for me. I now know what gaslighting is. Although I never imagined that I'd be here, I know this is what needs to happen for me to stop just existing and start living again.

[Scared2go]

Hello group members. I've been reading the last few days after being told about this forum by a poster on another forum. I was posting about being asked for a divorce and told my story. He suggested that I might have a BPD spouse. After reading many stories, the lessons and further information I believe this is the case

Right now is an extraordinarily painful time for me. I now know what gaslighting is. Although I never imagined that I'd be here, I know this is what needs to happen for me to stop just existing and start living again.

[Teereese]

  Scared2go,

I

Welcome, I have.found this forum to be of great help in learning about my stbxh, BPD and m9st importantly,  myself.

I was married for 22 years. For many of those years I just existed.

I am sorry that you are going through this process.

Please take care of you. Put you first.

[peace74]

  Scared2go

I know how you feel.  I was married to my first husband for 8 yrs. who a therapist told me was probable BPD.  Then I married my second husband who turned out to be BPD.  These guys were totally different and even the BPD traits and how they presented were different (except for a few which they both displayed in the same way).  Anyway, I have been married to my second husband 8 yrs. but separated almost 2 now.  During that time there was push/pull, recycles, dating, moving back in, you name it.  We still were attached in some way with no other people involved.  A few months ago he started dating a girl who happened to be a family member of the guy he hung out with constantly.  She was always there.  This was a month and a half after he pledged he would see a counselor and wanted his family back and loved, missed, and needed me.  Now I am facing the closure and end I did not want to face because although I kept bending and he kept pushing every boundary he could, I don't think I can get past this.  I just know to much now to go back.  He had a one night stand once on a night he went out drinking and I forgave him.  But other than that I truly believe he never cheated on me and I never saw signs that he was interested in anyone else.  Now I feel like I've wasted the best years of my life living, loving, and giving to two people who never truly saw or appreciated it.  He has destroyed and taken so much from me.  At some point you have to abandon ship and save yourself or sink.  I didn't have a choice I was left.  However, when he wanted to return I did request counseling as a condition.  I know I couldn't take the way things were and the worst for me was no emotional connection.  He acted but I could feel his shallowness.  I view my first husband leaving as a blessing and I never would have looked at it like that when he abandoned me.  With my current husband I know I don't want to have that kind of relationship but my heart still hurts and doesn't match up with my mind sometimes. But I hope to fully heal in time.

Hang in there.  We are here to support you.  You deserve to be at peace and be valued and respected. 

[Suzn]

Hello Scared2go 

I'm sorry you're in such pain.   Breakups are hard for anyone, add in BPD and this can feel devastating.

I was posting about being asked for a divorce and told my story.

Where do things stand now? Are you living together? Do you want a divorce?

Can you share a little more of what's been going on?