All events being aired on FB now...Need some advice

[Deb13]

Hey all.  Need some advice.

Like some of you, I have a family full of dysfunction with a NBPD Mom and co dependent siblings.  My Dad (deceased now) was UBPD. Very quick bio: My sweet husband died in 2000 at 38 and I was left penniless, with no will, insurance or home and with two little kids.  To make a long story short, my family did NOT know how to respond, so they all went home.  Unfortunately, they chose to either verbally abuse me because they hated my circumstances OR they ignored me and pretended I was dead. (would not call me back etc).  I have chosen NC and have been VERY good at it.  I had 7 b/s before my bro's death in 2011.  They have scapegoated me FOR YEARS (recognized this only recently) and have birth order issues b/c my children (and spouses) are now doctors. Even though they abandoned me after my husbands death, their own Narcissistic belief is that I abandoned THEM (because I went NC).   I really need some help to decide whether or not i should post my reply on FB.  p.s. I have all my family blocked on all social media... .but I forgot my bro connected years ago.

Here is my question:

This morning I posted on FB to a very sincere picture about widows.

ME: Love this! Truly amazed at how some people with blood rites believe they can say anything they want to make it go away.

(Encouragement for those who have lost a loved one.'s photo)

Comments:

MY Brother: What's amazing is u r one of those people and don't know it so I'm telling u now straighting up and don't live these words anymore (ME: my bro is referencing me not "being" there when my other bro died in 2011)

ME: I am sorry that you believe that I could DO anything more for you as a human being. I will always be a young widow whether or not you like it.

Brother: U r a young widow live with it and get on with your life . And the only thing u have done for me and your family is disown us . Accept responsibility for action s done and stop being a martyr . U r loved but refused to let anyone get close to u anymore .if u would rather complain then laugh so b it . (ME: I'm NC!)

(END)

This is what I want to say... .NOT sure if i should "egg" this on... .My family is VERY f'd up but I have nothing to lose. So, why not right?

ME: The facts speak for themselves.  Two emails a year is not supporting a widow.  Telling a widow to "get over it" is not support.  Nor is FIGHTING  at the top of your lungs at the deceased's house after the funeral.  There were no apologies here - ever. Nor is allowing a sibling the right to verbally abuse the widow by saying, "we just don't want to be around you when you are sad".   Let me be VERY clear. I have forgiven all of this and moved on a LONG time ago.  I just didn't forget... .Only to be verbally abused again beyond belief in 2011 when you all forgot I was his sister.  You all chose to publicly  slander me for just plainly being alive.  Never have I EVER heard of a family just brutally abusing another. Accept responsibility?  You have no idea of me, my life, or ANYTHING that was going on. You all just judged, criticized and condemned without a trial.  You EXPECTED me to do what YOU wanted. I call you x15 and you ignore me. Why would I ever trust any of you again with me or my family?

Or should i just say, "Love ya"?  This is a FAMILY BPD/NBD problem. One stupid FB line will not "fix" it.

These people WILL hurt me again when my Mother dies.  I plan to have a undercover Cop as a escort.

When I read his post... .it's like he WANTS a relationship - but,  ONLY so they can continue to scapegoat me. They miss it.  

Should I post it? Rereading my own post... .I guess I miss them after 16 years of NC (most of them - I went 100% in 2011) But I'm not willing to be abused. He is still looking for me to "do something" to accept my responsibility?  Not sure how you "fix" NC.

Thanks for reading!  

Deb

[Deb13]

Ok... .not that any one is on pins and needles for my reply... .but it was causing undo anxiety.  Here is what i chose to say in reply:

I can certainly hear your pain over the death of our brother (name). No words will ever take away the pain of his loss. May God grant you peace in knowing that Absent from the body - present with the Lord. God bless you.

I will NOT lower myself to his level... .i w/n address accusatory remarks, apologies, old arguments, hurts or general BS.   I will chose to live with Grace and Dignity - not afraid of old ghosts. 

Thank you all who read my post. My reply is a reflection of my growth from THIS board.

I thank you!  I also accept any additional comments. 

[busybee1116]

I like your reply much better than your first draft. NOW--BLOCK HIM on FB so he can't contact you again And double-check your friend list to make sure no other flying monkeys!

[Deb13]

Thanks BusyBee!  Yes!  I just blocked on FB.  No chance of him slipping through the boundaries.  Thank you so much for reading and replying.  It helped SO MUCH to post here!