How to best support my son.

[understandnow]

My uBPD son and his uBPD wife live in an abusive relationship.  They were involved in a bitter argument, police were involved, and now have a no contact order from court until a court date.  My son came to live with us (with boundaries).  he slept here about 4-5 nights and now is not staying here full time.  I don't ask for his accountability as he is 34 but I have a strong belief he is back with her. 

My dilemma is how do I best support his decision when I know it's best for everyone including the children if they live apart for awhile until they both get counseling. 

My son had bruises, scrapes and scratches on him after this last fight. 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[penny52]

Hi understandnow, I have been going through the same thing with my uBPD daughter and her ex, who is abusive too, you could inform the court about them having contact, I know that is hard to do but it might be best for the kids. I think counseling is an excellent plan for everyone involved. Can you contact his wife's family? Maybe they would be help also. And than,sometimes we just have to let them figure it out on their own if no one will listen. You just keep yourself healthy for your grandkids and yourself. 

[understandnow]

Thanks for your reply Penny52.  had a talk with him today in which he states he is not back with her.  Of course his lips were moving.  That sounds mean, but I am on a board that knows BPD behaviors and lying is a given.  I am trying not to be judgemental.  I did say to him that if the police find out, there are consequences that are on him.  I just have to remember these are his choices.  I am just trying to stay friendly and with that I am seeing my grandchildren through him and try to be a strong loving role model.  His wife's family are enablers.  It's a long story but no they are unable the help.