lost my true love that has borderline personality disorder

[lostonex3]

I feel so lost myself and another lets call her rose have been going back and forth for 10 years. She has never really committed until the last 2years. We were in Florida it got to me so bad that I moved to SC where I am from originally. It started out that I cheated on a friend with her ---back and forth. Then I found someone when I just di hear from her. She found out and tried to commit suicide. She was still with someone else and I was with someone else.  I was with them for 3 years. I always loved  rose. During the 3 years we we apart the friend that rose was with killed herself. Rose was with someone else at the time. For some reason I always seem to drive her into the arms of someone else. So moving to now. Rose is still living in Florida with her kids and I am in SC. She decides she wants to make a commitment. So for two years she has come to visit me. She says she wants to move here. Looking back I wished I had jumped more. But I always new she would leave me when she moved here.  I am so conflicted. I would love to spend the rest of my life with her I can't imagine anyone else.so moving forward -she started talking with someone else online. 3-4 months ago. She came to visit me on the 1st. And said she couldn't do this any more.  I told her I am so sorry I did not give u the attention she needed. I guess she felt abandoned.  I became complacent with her. Stupid mistake. We have talked or texted on the phone just about everyday. She does care but my self esteem is so bad that I don't have anything to offer her or myself. I had gained alot of weight and let myself go.  I begged and pleaded. I have lost 24ponds working out ,got a hair cu and am fixing up the house. She says don't tell me show me.  Now she said she was going to new York which is a lie. I know she is visiting her new love interest in ga. For the first time. I gathered that from Facebook. She hasn't mentioned this girls name but I know who she is. It is killing me. I am trying to be a better person.  When I can get myself together do u think she will get over this other one and come back to me ?  I am trying to understand. And not abandon her she states she has anxiety and can't take any stress so I have to put my feelings aside to protect her. I always left her in the past and made a promise not to abandon her.  I don't know what to say or what to do. She has not talked to me on the phone since yesterday. Help

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[lostonex3]

I about to text her I hate thinking that ur making love to someone else.

[lostonex3]

I then said be happy baby u deserve it. I love u deeply. Lets not talk for a while. I'm not saying never again but for awhile. 

That makes me feel better with relief. She may rage but I believe I should stick to my guns until I have me back and my self respect. Or she just may say ok... I don't know but at least I've made a decision.

[an0ught]

Hi lostonex3,

I then said be happy baby u deserve it. I love u deeply. Lets not talk for a while. I'm not saying never again but for awhile. 

it is good that you are taking a breather 

Keep in mind however that there is a big difference in indeterminate periods of time and a clear timeline. In general the former tends to trigger abandonment while the latter is more manageable for a pwBPD and is recommended for timeouts.

That makes me feel better with relief. She may rage but I believe I should stick to my guns until I have me back and my self respect. Or she just may say ok... I don't know but at least I've made a decision.

It give you back the power you feel you need. It is however a two edged thing - you may take more than you deserve. Please study the way boundaries are structured in the workshops. It is all about regaining control while minimizing the impact on the other side. Stopping the circle of conflict.

,

a0