More bizarre behaviour. I can't work this out at all

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Is it common for people with BPD or some sort of personality disorder to change their minds multiple times literally within days?

A few days ago, my ex-friend sent me a message telling me to F*** off and that he wasn't reading any of my messages (he'd ignored me for an entire month).

The day after this, he messages me telling me he's going to give me a phone call. He calls me to scream abuse at me, and then we have a calmer chat where he says he wants to meet up with me again.

25 mins later he sends a text saying he's changed his mind again.

I respond by sending him a lot of angry messages such as he's horrible for treating me like this etc. I then phone him and he answers straightaway and behaves as if NOTHING has happened and said that he ''wasn't thinking clearly'' when he sent that message. He didn't even respond/get upset at the angry messages I sent HIM at all!

He then says he wants to re-establish contact with me and I said I want to think about it.

He rings me the next day and tells me he wants us to work, and says he doesn't want to throw away the good memories, etc. I tell him that I wanted to mull it over and I interrogate him why he's acting like the past month has never happened. He evaded the question.

Then, I get a text this morning say he DOESNT want contact, he wishes me well and he is going back to his old method of deleting every message I send, don't bother contacting him, etc. He said my response to his text would be deleted straightaway without him even reading it.

This has seriously exasperated me now. I'm finding it SO hard not to get angry and be emotionally resilient to all this. He feels like a control freak, deleting everything I say in response as though I can't have an opinion/voice. It really does feel very manipulative.

[Doughnut]

Is it common for people with BPD or some sort of personality disorder to change their minds multiple times literally within days?

A few days ago, my ex-friend sent me a message telling me to F*** off and that he wasn't reading any of my messages (he'd ignored me for an entire month).

The day after this, he messages me telling me he's going to give me a phone call. He calls me to scream abuse at me, and then we have a calmer chat where he says he wants to meet up with me again.

25 mins later he sends a text saying he's changed his mind again.

I respond by sending him a lot of angry messages such as he's horrible for treating me like this etc. I then phone him and he answers straightaway and behaves as if NOTHING has happened and said that he ''wasn't thinking clearly'' when he sent that message. He didn't even respond/get upset at the angry messages I sent HIM at all!

He then says he wants to re-establish contact with me and I said I want to think about it.

He rings me the next day and tells me he wants us to work, and says he doesn't want to throw away the good memories, etc. I tell him that I wanted to mull it over and I interrogate him why he's acting like the past month has never happened. He evaded the question.

Then, I get a text this morning say he DOESNT want contact, he wishes me well and he is going back to his old method of deleting every message I send, don't bother contacting him, etc. He said my response to his text would be deleted straightaway without him even reading it.

This has seriously exasperated me now. I'm finding it SO hard not to get angry and be emotionally resilient to all this. He feels like a control freak, deleting everything I say in response as though I can't have an opinion/voice. It really does feel very manipulative.

[once removed]

hey doughnut 

im sorry youre going through this, it does sound very frustrating.

Is it common for people with BPD or some sort of personality disorder to change their minds multiple times literally within days?

yes. people with BPD, in general, are fickle. thats the short answer. "fickle" has a lot to do with having an unstable sense of self, which presents itself in a volatile way in interpersonal relationships. on top of that, a common BPD behavior is "splitting", and black and white thinking. people with BPD have great difficulty seeing a person as an integrated whole, with both flaws and positive qualities. often times, you are seen as either all good or all bad. this can swing rapidly, and it sounds like it is, which is very confusing, i understand. it tends to swing based on the opposing fears of engulfment and abandonment, which do not require a romantic relationship to be triggered.

to make matters more confusing, though pertinent to your situation, is that BPD is something of a persecution complex. angry messages, and questions about his behavior reinforce his view of you as the persecuter. i dont say that to scold you or to suggest your reaction to this confusing and hurtful behavior isnt totally understandable, or that its wrong, just to try to help you make sense of it all.

his actions are controlling, but "controlling" is what he believes he must do for emotional survival.

so what do you want to do going forward? do you want a friendship with this person?

[MapleBob]

Is it common for people with BPD or some sort of personality disorder to change their minds multiple times literally within days?

Oh, absolutely. Mine sent me a really nice, positive card around Christmas saying that she was looking forward to talking to and getting to know me again in the new year. New Year's rolled around and she suddenly had to never speak to me again.

I actually had the opportunity to ASK her about this when we were saying goodbye, and she said (in that particular situation) that it was about her going in and out of denial that we could have a stable relationship. Feeling good about it, then not feeling good about it.

With BPD feelings = facts, which of course, doesn't always result in the facts being objectively true or grounded in any kind of objective reality.

[Doughnut]

Is it common for people with BPD or some sort of personality disorder to change their minds multiple times literally within days?

Oh, absolutely. Mine sent me a really nice, positive card around Christmas saying that she was looking forward to talking to and getting to know me again in the new year. New Year's rolled around and she suddenly had to never speak to me again.

I actually had the opportunity to ASK her about this when we were saying goodbye, and she said (in that particular situation) that it was about her going in and out of denial that we could have a stable relationship. Feeling good about it, then not feeling good about it.

With BPD feelings = facts, which of course, doesn't always result in the facts being objectively true or grounded in any kind of objective reality.

Mine was the same. Suddenly feeling like ''we couldn't work''. Saying that our days out were the best days of his life, then proceeding to ignore me the next day.

[Jonathan Ricciardi]

They also can do the complete opposite, ghosting, stonewalling, silent treatment, ostracizing.  When a BPD person wants you out of their life, you will be black balled and never told why.  So they do make decisions and stick to them.

[Doughnut]

Now he's sent me a text saying he ''isn't going to forgive me'' and ''good riddance''.

It's almost like he's had a complete blank in his memory.

I can't take this.

[apollotech]

Then, I get a text this morning say he DOESNT want contact, he wishes me well and he is going back to his old method of deleting every message I send, don't bother contacting him, etc.

Doughnut,

Would your time not be better spent undetstanding why you cannot comply with his wishes here ^^^^?

[Doughnut]

Then, I get a text this morning say he DOESNT want contact, he wishes me well and he is going back to his old method of deleting every message I send, don't bother contacting him, etc.

Doughnut,

Would your time not be better spent undetstanding why you cannot comply with his wishes here ^^^^?

Because I need some answers. He was completely fine the other day and now it's literally like he's had a memory blank and I'm back to being the worst person on earth.

And I miss him :'(