Hi,
I am currently in the 'shame phase' of my recovery.
I will try to explain this definition of mine.

So, I am now reviewing my relationship with my dBPDexgf and I am more concentrating on my codependency issues.
For example, last few days, I am reading our text messages from the very beginning of our r/s. I noticed I constantly apologized for the things that I didn't cause.
In cases when she felt bad, anxious, triggered by stuff that shouldn't be triggering for someone with relative emotional stability, I usually (not every time, but too much times) apologized and promised that I will react differently in similar situations.
So, from the beginning I actually supported this irrational behavior because of my codependency traits.
Now, I feel really ashamed by reading those messages and by revoking our conversations. This was my first real relationship and I believe a part of this behavior is caused by that fact but I also know that I need to solve my codependency issues. Right after our r/s I started therapy and think that this goes in very analytical direction and I am recognizing a lot of issues that I can improve.
Did you also experience this type of 'shame'? I mean, for some of those messages, if someone else - 3rd party person, outside of our relationship, reads - this person would think I am a major screw up. I fought too many times against me, when I didn't do anything wrong. I feel some mixture of anger/shame because of my reactions.
I don't want you to consider this as venting topic or that you need to reassure my that I shouldn't be too hard on myself.

I am really working on myself, learning not to be too harsh on my actions. I am learning and believe that I am actually developing this sense of self-loving and establishing my own personal boundaries.
I am just wondering do you also experience this type of feeling?
I mean, when I try to review actions and events from our r/s - I froze sometimes and ask myself: "Wow. Was that really me? Did I really do/tolerated that?"
And you know what, regarding our BPD partners. I really think that, as she was toxic to me, I was also toxic to her. Because my codependency definitely triggered instability in her.
Just consider this. If you have a kid - what is better for this kid... .To have a parent that is responsible with firm boundaries that will provide stability or a parent who will allow anything to his kid (and believing that he/she loves his/her kid by doing that)