Preemptive strike by my ex-BPD?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Was in a one year tumultuous relationship with my SO. Over the past two weeks I have been cut off completely by her, no contact, nothing. Just prior to being 'split' or banished, I told her I was going to therapy to get help for myself. The very next day after disclosing I was going in for therapy she told me she never wanted to hear from me again and if I attempted to contact her I would be met with a restraining order.

This woman had the audacity to tell me she needed to protect herself from me, this from a woman who physically assaulted me on several occasions during our 'relationship'. Is my going to therapy the trigger for her to preemptively end the relationship and go no contact? Personally, I think she was worried I would come to my senses in therapy and leave her, so to save herself the pain of abandonment, she ended it before that could happen.

Anyone else experience this reaction from a BPD partner when seeking therapy for yourself?

[TheCodependent1]

Was in a one year tumultuous relationship with my SO. Over the past two weeks I have been cut off completely by her, no contact, nothing. Just prior to being 'split' or banished, I told her I was going to therapy to get help for myself. The very next day after disclosing I was going in for therapy she told me she never wanted to hear from me again and if I attempted to contact her I would be met with a restraining order.

This woman had the audacity to tell me she needed to protect herself from me, this from a woman who physically assaulted me on several occasions during our 'relationship'. Is my going to therapy the trigger for her to preemptively end the relationship and go no contact? Personally, I think she was worried I would come to my senses in therapy and leave her, so to save herself the pain of abandonment, she ended it before that could happen.

Anyone else experience this reaction from a BPD partner when seeking therapy for yourself?

[anothercasualty]

Anyone else experience this reaction from a BPD partner when seeking therapy for yourself?

Not exactly, but my GF with BPD traits did say that when I was healthy I probably wouldn't want to be with her. She was right. As I get healthier, my desire to be with her diminishes. The pain is too great for any kind of relationship with her.

[Rmbrworst]

Sounds like therapy triggered her.  A restraining order is so over the top.  I know it hurts but best to cut ties.  If she's going to get a restraining order she can also do more severe things such as accusing you if hurting her or similar.

[Dutched]

First of all, take precautions to guard yourself, document and document!

You going to see a T has nothing to do with it.

It could have been the moment, the way you expressed it, etc.

Most likely at that moment you were there as she needed you (the closest one) to be the persecutor anyway to deflect her inner rollercoaster.

Most likely you didn’t see HER so subtle shown need/mood. HER need to be resuced at that moment. Instead it was about you.

Now as that tumultuous process was already going on for a year, your knights armour almost felt apart anyway. The final hit to be expected.

Now as why she ended the r/s and cut you off like trash.

A boring answer maybe:   you will have to accept that this person is 'having mentally issues'.

No need to put al label on it, it is not that important, it is important what you know in order to take time to rationalize your emotions, read, read and post, ask and ask.


The broken attachment is within themselves; not with you.

By leaving you first, pwBPD are controlling the demolition.

Control trumps their fear.

Often a sense of control is all that is keeping them from losing it completely

[TheCodependent1]

Well, she decided no contact with me and enforced it by threatening legal action, so I too have gone no contact and don't intend to ever speak with her again. There is plenty of documentation of our relationship problems, including her physically assaulting me on three separate occasions. There are a few reasons why I stayed in that relationship, all of which I am sorting out in therapy in hopes to never repeat.

At this point now I am approaching the end of this relationship as I would had I been addicted to drugs, I am going cold turkey, no contact and never looking back. I realize now I couldn't make her BPD better, the combination of the two of us likely made it worse. I realize no SO and I mean no one would have made it better and for that I take solace in knowing I am a good person who got caught up in an addiction to a BPD who is very ill, but I am strong, I made it out and am now recovering.