I understand completely your thoughts, anothercasualty.
All I can say is that if you read my threads you will see that I've been NC for short periods and then not and then NC and then not... .For about a year now. I wish wish wish that I'd stuck to it the first time I was at the "Shall I Shan't I?" place. If I had, then I'd be feeling better by today instead of exactly where I was a year ago, with all the hard work still ahead of me, and the memories of a year's more damage and nastiness to process... .
Good luck with whatever you choose, it's going to be hard... .Keep posting!
Thanks FIT. I really feel for you and understand the NC and then not. We have done the same. We have been broken up for 4 months with many bouts of broken NC in that time period. The longest has been two weeks. And then there would be some weak reachout and I would respond.
In the past, she would show me enough change or say the right things to make me believe a corner had been turned. At that point, I would be encouraged and would open the door back up. Then, a week or two later, she would revert back to "this won't work out". I could never see what caused the change, but the pattern had become predictable. So predictable, my friends would start placing bets as to when she would reach out to me.
I try to take the good and bad from all situations and use it to better myself. Because we have cycled so many times, I feel that process keeps rebooting.
I will not reach out to her (keep repeating that to myself) and I hope that she does not reach out either. It is quite cruel when she knows she cannot give me what I really want, nor can I give her what she really wants.
How do you make that transition from "I don't want to be mean to her and go NC full-on" to "I don't want to be mean to myself and keep on this hamster wheel"?
