Girlfriend has BPD/eupd what can help?

[jellybean098]

My girlfriend of 2 and a half years has just been diagnosed with BPD and Emotional Instability, since i've known her there has always been problems and she has always been troubled, she says when she was growing up she thought she was depressed, i was depressed growing up and a lot of our attributes have been similar, however her's were very extreme and never seemed to be able to shake it. It all makes sense now she has answers, i've been doing some research on it all, trying to understand this more and reading about BPD is likes someone has written it about her.

Her doctor has said that this is obviously a life long disorder, but the way she is it may take up to 10 years for her to be able to get it 'under control'

Is there anything she can do that will help, is there anything I can do, anything I can say, I just need some advice as to anything that can make things a little easier for her. The only option of treatment she has is therapy, which is very expensive and she cant really afford, I have been thinking about offering to pay for it, but I don't want to make her feel guilty that she can't afford it. From what I've read, talking about it seems to be the best solution for her, if this is the case, other than the doctor I am the only person who knows, everyone else just think she is just very moody and sensitive, she see's her parents often but they don't have a very open relationship where she is comfortable talking to them, would it be helpful for her to talk to her family too? I thought it can't make her feel good if people are joking about her mood swings and moodiness when really there is a lot more to it.

Any tips or advice would be really appreciated.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

WElcome to the board. There is a lot of helpful information and people here that are going through the same thing as you. The best place to start is to begin reading the lessons on the right side of the page --------------> These will teach you more about BPD, how to communicate better, and even get you to look at yourself and your reaction to your pwBPD.

Unfortunately there is no quick fix for BPD. Dialetical Behavior Therapy is the most common way to  teach them better skills but even then it can take years or may not work at all.

[JH68]

is there anything I can do, anything I can say, I just need some advice as to anything that can make things a little easier for her.

The lessons on Validation, JADE, and SET are very useful for learning how to deal with BPD.  I've found that many of the things I used to do to help my BPD wife actually made things worse.  Often when we get wrapped up into helping someone else, we adopt codependent behaviors that are counter productive. This is something to look out for. The most important thing you can do to help your BPD girl friend is take care of yourself. What kind of support do you have for you? Do you have someone you can talk to? Living with someone with BPD is challenging. Few people can do this and stay sane without some support.

she see's her parents often but they don't have a very open relationship where she is comfortable talking to them, would it be helpful for her to talk to her family too?

Talking to her family is a decision she has to make. It's probably not a good idea to push this.