Ex's family members

[Frank88]

What do your ex's family members do when they introduce their new partner, rebound, replacement? It seems that even though the family knows there are issues, that they encourage new relationships.

[thisworld]

Frank88 hi,

My ex's mother has no effect on my ex's decision-making and sometimes she is seriously terrorized by him - though she may be equally terrorizing in her own right. Her emotional priority is to be free of him and she encourages his relationships - especially with rescuers  She does this with a good heart, she tries to contribute to the relationship positively and tries to remind her son "to be grateful" and "to behave himself." However, when a relationship ends, after criticizing her son for his errors as she sees them, she certainly encourages new relationships and welcomes them - as this maybe means emotional and otherwise freedom for her as well as something bringing potential order to my ex's life for a bit. I had a brief relationship with him but he has 3-year relationships (albeit with a lot of crises and on/off) so I can understand it. I know that she likes me a lot personally - we have a lot in common like political views, life experiences, etc- but that doesn't mean that she would not support another relationship.

In the end of the day, she is his family.

How long were you together with your ex? How do you related to her family and how do you feel when they react like this?

[SWLSR]

I stay away from my ex inlaws even the ones I liked.  It is a no win situation.  Sometimes life is not fair and nothing about being involved with a person with BPD is.  Either for you or the ex inlaws.  My advice is stay away from them.

[iluminati]

In my experience, either the ex's in-laws are in denial about how bad the issues are or dump ALL the family's issues onto that person to ignore their own dysfunction.  In the former, they'll just treat the new person like anyone else.  In the latter, they'll try to pick apart the new person.

Personally, I'm glad I'm done with them.  I'll deal with them for the sake of my D6, and no more.  They have so many issues above and beyond my ex that I wish I could get them a group discount on therapy.  However, that would mean risking their precious churches for revealing a weakness.