Hi LilMe,
It sounds like they aren't being all that helpful
They are probably trying to figure out two things: 1) what kind of abuse; and 2) the duration, including specific events.
If you don't have documentation (which can be hard to do when you're living with someone who is controlling/abusive), then it might help to think through the types of abuse and make some headings with descriptions of what you've been dealing with. This might help you think about the types of abuse you've experienced:
www.thehotline.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/power-and-control-wheel-updated-1011x1024.pngIt makes it easier to build a case when there is documentation (protection orders, 911 calls, as well as your own recordings of abuse -- email, text, video). My L told me to write down what happened each day, which I did for about six months before I left. Since this is happening after the fact, maybe it's best to talk in general terms about what types of abuse you've experienced (and describe some of the instances of what happened). In particular, you might want to focus on any abuse toward the children.
Lawyers and courts seem to get more activated when there are kids involved.
Do you have friends and family who can sit down with you while you put together a timeline? I also used my email to help me reconstruct things (and eventually started tracking things on a calendar). When you're under extreme stress and anxiety like you probably are right now, and probably were in the marriage, it can be very difficult to remember things -- when they happened, the order. Memory seems to go pretty quickly when you're in survival mode.
One thing you could do is to reconstruct what happened and when, and then enter them into a Google calendar. That's what I did, and then, when I was ready to see it laid out in chronological order, I went to the "agenda" view and it printed out all in order for me. I gave it to my lawyer and she used that to put together her strategy.
