Every time I happen to see her in public I get in a slump.

[Schermarhorn]

Every time I see her (most of the time with her presumptive bf) I just get super depressed. It bothers me that I couldn't give her something this new guy can. I don't want her back, but I don't like the feeling that I wasn't good enough for her. I went through so much trying to make us work and it seems that her new relationship is just fine without all the drama.

[Turkish]

Knowing her, do you really believe it is just fine?

My Ex and her now H appeared just fine for 1.5 years, until after 4 months after they got married and she drastically changed her look (after changing it after she left me). It seemed odd to me. A month later, she told me: severe depression, and that she should have never left me.

My ex BIL told me that when he drove cross-country with them last year that they argued constantly, something we never did, and certainly not in front of others.

On the few occasions I see them both, my Wolfish senses pick up the dysfunction (despite him being a homewrecker, I kind of feel sorry for him). No one else sees it.

As my T put it, "personalities typically don't change."

[Ahoy]

Every time I see her (most of the time with her presumptive bf) I just get super depressed. It bothers me that I couldn't give her something this new guy can. I don't want her back, but I don't like the feeling that I wasn't good enough for her. I went through so much trying to make us work and it seems that her new relationship is just fine without all the drama.

Yeah I don't think I've met a person on here who doesn't struggle with this! It sure kicks me in the guts when I think of her in the idealisation phase with another man. But that's all it is, a phase. We all know it's not forever AND if it is forever, he must have had his boundaries ripped to shreds.

Like Turkish said, personalities don't change. Yes their actual 'personality' might change as he/she mirrors, however the dysfunction, the underdeveloped coping mechanisms, the victim complex, none of it goes away, it's just dormant, waiting to erupt again.

I don't have a solution to this as I still feel that way too sometimes. I think my Therapist is starting to address it by saying how important it is to go easy on ourselves and love ourselves for who we are.

You are probably a really good catch, these relationships are literally doomed from the beginning, look forward to the future if you can =)

[Herodias]

Every time I see her (most of the time with her presumptive bf) I just get super depressed. It bothers me that I couldn't give her something this new guy can. I don't want her back, but I don't like the feeling that I wasn't good enough for her. I went through so much trying to make us work and it seems that her new relationship is just fine without all the drama.

Exactly- I know mine is on probation for a pending felony, so I know that always keeps him in line. Our divorce and his charge will both be over in June. I suspect he will let it all out then... .unless he is waiting for them to be married- then I know he will change for sure. I hate thinking they are doing better, but it's just because he put it in my head that they were better suited. He messed with me that way-I know that's not true based on their upbringings, but he will find out soon enough. So will she- the love-bombing period is over... .now comes devaluation. We only have clues from what we hear or see. We are not there with them... .but we were and we know exactly how it is in private. Keep telling yourself that, because deep down you know how it is going. It doesn't change... .only the partner. Mine said he could easily manipulate me and her... .he knew he could just choose to be with me or her! He knows there will be women in the future. It does't matter who he is with. It's really odd behavior that we can't possibly understand. Mine can move from one person to the next, as long as there is fun and happiness... .any reality and responsibility sends him running. I would think a newborn baby would be quite difficult. He won't come back to me though- I told him I know all about him now and I do not deserve to be mistreated. Once he told me that we could always get back together at the end of the separation. But not to tell him about who I date in the meantime... .I am not dating. I told him most normal people don't date married people! I think if it was that easy to find someone else, we wouldn't be having such a hard time with this- but we live in reality.