Trying very hard to make this work

[burton2070]

I have been in a relationship with a woman for 1.5 years. We both have children and she knows my parents and has become a part of my family. We moved WAY too fast in the beginning and things quickly went downhill. I could not figure out why she lied about so many things - many of them inconsequential. And it was very difficult to go back and forth from feeling almost TOO close and like I was on a pedestal to being hated and having horrible things said to me. The constant roller coaster of emotions is finally getting to me. Her Mom was an alcoholic and her step-dad was not nice to her at all. I know all of this contributes to her BPD, but I honestly don't know how much longer I can deal and am looking for coping strategies. Also, how in the world would I (or can I even) bring BPD up? She is not diagnosed and I"m quite sure there isn't a good way to bring it up so that she can start treatment. Some days I think I'm losing my mind and maybe I am the one having some sort of issue here. I don't know. I'm truly confused and scared.

I don't really want to get into all of the details just yet. I just hope that by joining this page I can feel a little less alone and figure out a way forward one way or another.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

Welcome Burton, you are not alone many of us have walked in your shoes. The desired to get your partner diagnosed and in treatment is understandable, but it is not an easy path. Does she realize she has issues? Until she realizes she needs help you are not going to get very far down that path.

We focus here on working on what we can control, and that is us, our part in this, starting by how we got here, even our own failings. From there we build on understanding us and recognizing what we can change about us and how we interact and generally not making things worse than they need be. i am sure you have realized by now that a lot of your well intentioned helping has actually backfired, creating self doubt.

There is a lot to learn, but you are dealing with personality changes, and that takes evolution not revolution.

Creating a solid foundation of self belief in your own values is the first goal.

Waverider

[Chilibean13]

WElcome to the board. THe ups and downs of living with someone with BPD really takes a toll of us. This board is so helpful in just learning new ways to cope. I highly suggest that you start reading the lessons on the right side of the page --------------> These lessons are chalk full of info on how you can change the way you respond to your pwBPD. It won't fix them; but it will change the way you let their junk affect you. Even though we are often the victim, we do things that contribute to the way they react to us. These lessons teach how to change our reaction to a response.

As far as talking to your SO about BPD, you may want to wait awhile. When we try to put a label on our pwBPD they often see this as an attack on their character, a flaw that they cannot fix, and that will make them even more resistant to getting help. Instead perhaps you can focus on just getting her into T. Focus on the behavior that causes problems. Sometimes the start is to get into couples counseling.