This one was a friend

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

   This post is about a former friend. I feel very upset because I had always put up with her rants and raging about various people in her life. She would call me late at night and I would nicely let her vent.  She was bright and sometimes supportive. She is in therapy for BPD

After about a year of friendship I started doing more limit-setting, which she reacted to with rage.   Finally last month she started being not supportive (i.e. she started devaluing my ideas, and told me negative traits that sounded like her projections).  I wound up yelling at her that I was tired of being insulted by her.  I thought this was just a bump in the road.

   She texted me the next night and said she wanted to have time to herself, so I agreed. Next day she texted me as if nothing had happened (typical BPD).  I have since left her 2 nice texts and a voicemail. Then she sent me an email saying that she is tired of my "rages"  and told me she wanted to end the friendship and I shouldn't call her.

   I feel shocked for 2 reasons===

1----Yes I did rage at her one time, but I put up with many of her rages

2----She's throwing away all the good parts of the friendship over 1 bad part (a bad part I have tolerated by her all along)

   The way I handled it was to send her an email saying it was actually all of her rages that were affecting me.   I won't be calling her or contacting her again, but I feel like even though this is typical BPD stuff, it really stings me emotionally, and is a shock. I am also now doubting myself (maybe she's right, maybe I'm an awful person for finally blowing up when devalued, even though I put up with her rages without blowing up for so long)

    My plan is to respect her NC request at all costs, and when I see her in the city we both live in, just ignore her without hostility.

[shatra]

   This post is about a former friend. I feel very upset because I had always put up with her rants and raging about various people in her life. She would call me late at night and I would nicely let her vent.  She was bright and sometimes supportive. She is in therapy for BPD

After about a year of friendship I started doing more limit-setting, which she reacted to with rage.   Finally last month she started being not supportive (i.e. she started devaluing my ideas, and told me negative traits that sounded like her projections).  I wound up yelling at her that I was tired of being insulted by her.  I thought this was just a bump in the road.

   She texted me the next night and said she wanted to have time to herself, so I agreed. Next day she texted me as if nothing had happened (typical BPD).  I have since left her 2 nice texts and a voicemail. Then she sent me an email saying that she is tired of my "rages"  and told me she wanted to end the friendship and I shouldn't call her.

   I feel shocked for 2 reasons===

1----Yes I did rage at her one time, but I put up with many of her rages

2----She's throwing away all the good parts of the friendship over 1 bad part (a bad part I have tolerated by her all along)

   The way I handled it was to send her an email saying it was actually all of her rages that were affecting me.   I won't be calling her or contacting her again, but I feel like even though this is typical BPD stuff, it really stings me emotionally, and is a shock. I am also now doubting myself (maybe she's right, maybe I'm an awful person for finally blowing up when devalued, even though I put up with her rages without blowing up for so long)

    My plan is to respect her NC request at all costs, and when I see her in the city we both live in, just ignore her without hostility.