Abandonment dreams

[unicorn2014]

Kwamina had asked what the recurring themes are in the dreams I have about my parents.

I had another one last night.

I'm trying to find the right medication to treat my PTSD related insomnia and last night I switched back to a drug I had tried previously. I had horrible dreams.

I think part of why I'm being triggered so much these days is my daughter is the age I was when I went into serious crisis/suicidal and was totally abandoned by my parents. So during the day I take care of her and at night I relive the nightmare of my adolescence. I've also noticed that the last couple of cards my mother has sent have been addressed to my daughter, she really  seems to be avoiding me right now. My daughter in the meantime didn't even open the Easter card my mom sent, I had to open it for us.

I wish there was some way to stop revisiting my adolescence in my dreams. Its literally like every night. I even got triggered by an exhibit I saw today where the artist was really focused on family life. I had to say the adult child serenity prayer on the way home from the exhibition to calm myself down.

I would really like to heal from all this but I don't know how. I think the increased contact with my mother because of my daughter's impending spring break and visit to my parents is exacerbating my symptoms.

I welcome any insight on this issue.

[Woolspinner2000]

Hi Unicorn2014  ,

I'm really sorry that you are feeling so extremely stressed right now. That must be very hard, and you have a lot of heavy things on your plate that you did not ask for. Extra hugs for you.   I know that when I am overwhelmed with life, like you, my dreams can become very intense. The heart-racing-sit-up-in-bed type of dreams. I would gladly skip them or trade them in for something happy like rainbows and unicorns! 

As I read your post and hear the themes running through your dreams, I wonder if you've ever thought about the possibility that your inner child is trying to communicate with you? For example, when I take time to ask myself what is going on during my dream (after I wake up), I try to see if there is fear, or the feeling of needing to flee, or perhaps I can't quite identify what is going on. In the end though, I often speak out loud to my inner child, imagining that she is right there, needing comfort, and I tell her that we don't have to run away anymore, that we are safe. Then I imagine holding her in a hug if she will let me. If she won't, then I sit quietly with her, keeping her company, reminding her that she is safe now. Have you ever tried that? Do you think it might be helpful?

I often feel very gradually comforted as the minutes pass by. It isn't instantaneous, and I may have to repeat myself more than once to my inner child, but for me it has been and continues to be a calming balm to my soul.

What do you think?

Wools

[unicorn2014]

I think that's a good idea as I ran away many times and now I am helping my daughter come out of her own crisis. When I wake up I try to reassure myself: I have my own 2BDR apartment in the suburbs with my daughter and everything is ok. If it happens again tonight i will ask my inner child if she is trying to tell me something. I appreciate that suggestion.

[Woolspinner2000]

If you've never taken time to talk with her, take time to introduce yourself. Find out who she is and what she likes to do. Be sensitive to what she is feeling, and you don't have to be afraid of what ever it is. Try to take time to enter into the feelings. They are only memories as my T says to me, and they won't hurt you now. But they sure scare us like crazy, just like we were back there! 

Be patient, slow, and kind to your little inner child. Teach her that you are safe and that she can trust you.

Let me know how it goes! You are quite aware, Unicorn, so cheering you on! 

Wools 

[unicorn2014]

Thank you wools, its ironic as we've been reading about the inner child in the ACA  big red book and I've been kind of resistant to it because of all the adult responsibility in my life right now. Apparently she wants me to pay attention to her.  I appreciate the reminder!