Time for me to FLY

[Depression = 72% of members]

Found this last night and believe it is central to my recovery,

FLY = First Love Yourself

Sounds selfish but I think it's true, codependency says the same thing only disguised behind the false premise that we save others so they can eventually care/save us/love us?

Just my opinion, we don't have to be selfish jerks but we definitely need to take care of ourselves and if we can't love ourselves I believe we can never truly love others.

I know my cd still demands others conform to my standards, it's just an unholy trap because I always pick people that are less functioning than myself to lift up and then expect them to appriciate all my loving effort.

Omg how sick I've become,

I can change this so it's never too late  

Great song by REO Speedwagon "Time for me to fly" kinda empowering for broken relationships

Have a great day everyone

[JerryRG]

Found this last night and believe it is central to my recovery,

FLY = First Love Yourself

Sounds selfish but I think it's true, codependency says the same thing only disguised behind the false premise that we save others so they can eventually care/save us/love us?

Just my opinion, we don't have to be selfish jerks but we definitely need to take care of ourselves and if we can't love ourselves I believe we can never truly love others.

I know my cd still demands others conform to my standards, it's just an unholy trap because I always pick people that are less functioning than myself to lift up and then expect them to appriciate all my loving effort.

Omg how sick I've become,

I can change this so it's never too late  

Great song by REO Speedwagon "Time for me to fly" kinda empowering for broken relationships

Have a great day everyone

[WoundedBibi]

Couldn't agree more JerryRG! And it applies to me too. BUT how do you actually accomplish loving yourself? I still haven't figured out what I need to DO to love myself. Tips, ideas, suggestions anyone?

[JerryRG]

I start each day with this,

Saint Fransis prayer

Then check my motives in everything I do.

I wanted so desperately to get my ex to love me that I stopped truly loving her. My selfishness CD is a trap for me and my life and others, if I always love with a giving heart it doesn't matter if they love me or not.

Real love will find me... .if I can truly love

[JerryRG]

The Prayer of Saint Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

Where there is sadness, joy.

 

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

To be consoled as to console,

To be understood as to understand,

To be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;

It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.

[WoundedBibi]

I don't think I'm religious enough for prayer.

I need more active verbs. Some kind of exercise? Talk to myself in the mirror every day? Make a list what I like about myself and read it every day?

[JerryRG]

I'm reading a good book on CD

Hmm I guess I just fall back on my faith, I believe I cannot change myself without a higher power, that's my belief.

I guess doing anything positive is essential, including taking negative words out of my vocabulary. Can't, couldn't shouldn't wouldn't.

Focus on today, the here and now, don't dwell in the past or future.

Realize the real enemy of my soul is fear.

Fear keeps me from living life.

Helping others, not enable them.

Focus on me! Recovery is #1

Be around healthy supportive people.

Yesterday I was at my dentist and started talking to the assistant and we both have addiction in our lives, family, friends, we are all a little broken. BPDs maybe much more so but when I can distinguish her as a human from her illness it helps ease the memories of her painful abuse.

I pet the rattle snake and I get bit

How many more times I allow myself to get bit

My choice.

Oh, and did I mention we have choices? Lol

One of the first things my exBPDgf did was deny me choices. And my choice was to relinquish my control to an individual who couldn't wipe her own bottom without my help.

Crazy crazy crazy, like a circus it may be fun to visit occasionally but for heaven sake, know when it's time to leave. I cannot live a normal life (adreniline) watching dangerous animals perform and hi wire acts make me a nervous wreak. Blah

Never did like monkeys, now I know why... .

Oh man I need rest

When 739+ people (And counting) tell you to run away from someone because they KNOW how sick they really are the best course of action in my humble opinion is to start to listen to them and run, RUN FOREST RUN... .stupid penis always got me into trouble. ... .gurrrr

Monkeys and peanuts... .guessing I was the peanut? Yuck!

[Frustratedbloke]

I went to a hypnotherapist before the therapist, and one thing he said, not in the hypnosis part, has really stuck with me.

He said normally when people are in a rut, they are in chaos. We more or less all are.

So he said get traction in one area of your life, the easiest one. Go to the gym, eat better, do well at work or apply for a new job. Do something. Anything.

When one area of your life gets direction, it drags the rest with it. Then you can start to appreciate yourself. Then start to love yourself. It's a process.

I'm still finding my way to do that, but it sounds good!

[WoundedBibi]

Good tip Frustratedbloke! Well, I'm trying to build up my strength with small exercises so I at some point will able to really walk again, or stand or sit for more than a few minutes. I guess that counts too. And meanwhile I read up on BPD, feel more & more indifferent towards my ex (him, not his actions or legacy), and try to figure out what I really want to do with my life and have made some vague plans. Vague for now because they depend on my mobility.

[JerryRG]

Great points frustrated

Sprititual, emotional and physical health all interact to keep me balanced. I'm lazy sometimes and that's a choice too.

My ex was always so depressed and very unhealthy and chose to just let herself go, no amount of encouragement could get her to try. Certainly not my fault as I have no control of anyone else.

I'm soo glad to be away from the toxic negativity and chaos.

Well most of the time

Smile, laugh, choose to look at all we have and not what we lost