New to Realizing possible BPD in Daughter formerly Diagnosed as Child ADHD/ODDD

[pumpkee]

   

Struggling w/my own coping in heighted behavior from my 24 yr old daughter in college, working part time. Her recent break up has called my gut to explore her consistent hate you/don't leave me behavior when i try to be there or lead you to responsible follow through on problem solving vs dumping and hating me.  She's gotten to be intolerable entering my home and every breathing object in 500 feet suffer, the whole neighborhood hears her.  The rescue dog she brought into the home goes into panic mode trying to call for emotional regulation by barking to check one's attitude. She hates this call out, and kicks the dog... .refuses to calm down.  It is like a tornado enters the home, there is no rationality. I am a pretty sensitive empathic person, so when she leaves my space, it takes a good 4 hours to get myself back.  It's a new diagnosis that I am trying to learn to handle for her and for myself... .any tips on finding a qualifies therapist for her and I in coping is deeply appreciated. Life must get better 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Turkish]

Hello pumpkee,



That's a lot to deal with, especially if she is so loud that the neighbors hear her, not to mention the poor puppy... .

Have you seen the lessons to the right of the board? Given her ODD, she's a lit fuse. Leading her to solving problems which may seem easily solvable by us, might be contributing to further dysregulation and anger. When experiencing an episode, she likely isn't ready to hear solutions.

As a parent, it's natural to want to keep our children from being hurt and hurting themselves. Her romantic relationships, however, are hers to deal with. Does it make sense to separate that from your relationship with her and how you deal with her?

You might find resources by connecting with a local NAMI group, if not for her, then for you.

What sounds like a lot of screaming is concerning. Aside from the kicked dog, do you feel safe?

Turkish

[lbjnltx]

Hi pumpkee,

Glad you are here.

Who else lives in the home with you?  Are there others subjected to your d's behaviors?

Since she has diagnoses, was she in therapy before?

I look forward to hearing back from you.

lbj

[pumpkee]

As a baby, toddler, preschooler, I knew there was possibly ADHD, but couldn't test/evaluate until she was in 1st grade. It was then confirmed, the therapy as a family started in 5th grade, short lived, but counselor tried to make her aware of responsibility (ie get clothes picked out and ready the night before school so you won't have morning stress, run late)... .she wasn't haven't, did not like "not" being able to point fingers.  

The ODD disorder behaviors started manifesting around age 15, and was officially diagnosed at age 16 by a psychiatrist.  He prescribed Adderall for her ADHD, then she doesn't like to take it.  From what I am now learning (via google), Adderall can make the negative behaviors of BPD worsen, aggravating it.  

I find myself isolating myself, confused, grieving at this time w/me accepting this - it's not been officially diagnosed, she has all (every single one) the signs. Luckily, my co worker (an MSW actually) has a daughter close in age that is BPD and BiPolar and she gets it much better than I.  I've read about it in college, and recall the therapist/instructors really giving a stigma to it, saying things like "Getting a BPD client is the worst nightmare of all"... .I am hearing though that it is treatable.  I have not mentioned this to her at all, as she will blow up and walk away.  

And yes - when she is in a rage, there are no solutions to be heard, just a outbursts and her leaving.  She calls me her best friend (has limited friendships) and then tells everyone I am "not there for her" or I am the devil in a nutshell.  

She did say last week (after a break up w/a man she was seeing - an older man mind you) she would be open to revisiting therapy, she did have a positive experience with it for a year (court ordered) from age 17-18 yrs old. But then she gives excuses, "I am too busy!"

I am starting to feel hopeless that I can't have a calm interaction with her ever again if she doesn't go. I fear something really bad will come from her anger, sense of abandonment, and her choices.  I need to learn how to not let it ruin my day, it does, and it's starting to cut me off from the world.  I would be open to finding a NAMI support group, for sure!

Do I feel safe? She isn't throwing things, just adding intolerable stress to my home. The dog doesn't know  how to see her (they are sibling rivalries) as a safe person, he just knows she is screaming at his mother (very protective Pomeranian) and she is in a fury, full of angry energy.  He will bite her, even me in his confusion doing these episodes. I have a scar on my arm from a month ago that serves a reminder  - now is the time for a life shift, something must change.

[pumpkee]

Bump!

I am offering to pay her therapeutic care but she isn't interested.  Is a local NAMI support group focused on this personality disorder or is it all? I am ready, healing must come. 

[lbjnltx]

NAMI is for mental illness

NEA-BPD is BPD specific

Family Connections program is BPD specific

Do you have access to any local Family Connections programs?  If you aren't sure check with the NEA-BPD and register for their online program.  Our healing platform... .The Lessons are foundationally similar to the Family Connections classes.

lbj