LNLY13YRS
Fewer than 3 Posts
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: April 17, 2016, 10:17:38 PM » |
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Hi
I am married to what I and my counselor/therapist consider to be a borderline. I have been in a fog for 13 years. Everything has been my fault, my parents fault, her parents fault, or my friends(ex, no more friends!) fault.
She says I isolate us, when she is the one that will not go out and try to make new friends.
She has constantly blamed me since day one for "getting her pregnant" and getting married, even though, to my memory, she asked me to ask her... .I mean, ive been blamed for everything thats wrong with her life, my kids life, my friends life, I could go on for 12 hours... .She does not even realize that she is so narcissistic, she wants a divorce, and I would be fine with that, EXCEPT THAT WE HAVE 2 KIDS, whom I am sure will be her next target, for Gods sake, they are mine misdoing, that impaired her f in life. When a love one died she continously let the kids know what a bad person she was(no one is perfect) even though when asked how she ruined her life, she would just shift to something else that I had done wrong, whether fictional or not. Any way, long and short, she repeatedly said that she was glad the bit c was dead, in front of the kids.
She has accused me of being angry, and yes after 11 years of constant, then a week or two of harrasment and im leaving you and you suck attitude hell yah I was mad. I found myself a nervous wreck, crying, seeking medication from psych docs, finally got on an SSRI, and oh my God was that bad. I went on the medicine roller coaster, trying to figure out how Id done so much wrong and how to keep our family together. I was diagnosed with Bipolar, but now my doc and therapist are thinking that 13 years of mental abuse may just have something to do with it, and my doc will reclassify my diagnosis at the next appt, as per my therapist... .
I have driven myself nuts with cues that she had been having affairs, it was if she almost left signs of it on purpose, whether physical, a slight or action, or straight up leaving me out in the cold with no affection... I could never prove anything, and She loved it this way, until last week. Oh my God what a relief, I caught her read handed, and Now I am starting to second guess myself for rationalizing every single issue where I did not trust her, because of this discovery. So good at playing the delicate balance of being a sheep, and almost to the point of someone would think she was deceitful.
Yet she has blamed me for this and so much more, God I have been loyal to this person who I thought loved me.
I do not want my kids to hurt, what the Hell do I do? She wants to leave, blames me for everything , and my babies see straight past it, yet I can do nothing in this state, as I cannot force her to go to the doc. I have a feeling the 3 of us are ruined forever.
I have been hoping she would love me, but oh is it impossible.
Dont get me wrong, I have also done bad things, like trying to buy love, emotions, or whatever I could with money.
I have nowhere else to turn. Im tired of this. Any advice is well appreciated.
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