dont know where to start

[LNLY13YRS]

Hi

I am married to what I and my counselor/therapist consider to be a borderline. I have been in a fog for 13 years. Everything has been my fault, my parents fault, her parents fault, or my friends(ex, no more friends!) fault.

She says I isolate us, when she is the one that will not go out and try to make new friends.

She has constantly blamed me since day one for "getting her pregnant" and getting married, even though, to my memory, she asked me to ask her... .I mean, ive been blamed for everything thats wrong with her life, my kids life, my friends life, I could go on for 12 hours... .She does not even realize that she is so narcissistic, she wants a divorce, and I would be fine with that, EXCEPT THAT WE HAVE 2 KIDS, whom I am sure will be her next target, for Gods sake, they are mine misdoing, that impaired her f in life. When a love one died she continously let the kids know what a bad person she was(no one is perfect) even though when asked how she ruined her life, she would just shift to something else that I had done wrong, whether fictional or not. Any way, long and short, she repeatedly said that she was glad the bit c was dead, in front of the kids.

She has accused me of being angry, and yes after 11 years of constant, then a week or two of harrasment and im leaving you and you suck attitude hell yah I was mad. I found myself a nervous wreck, crying, seeking medication from psych docs, finally got on an SSRI, and oh my God was that bad. I went on the medicine roller coaster, trying to figure out how Id done so much wrong and how to keep our family together. I was diagnosed with Bipolar, but now my doc and therapist are thinking that 13 years of mental abuse may just have something to do with it, and my doc will reclassify my diagnosis at the next appt, as per my therapist... .

I have driven myself nuts with cues that she had been having affairs, it was if she almost left signs of it on purpose, whether physical, a slight or action, or straight up leaving me out in the cold with no affection... I could never prove anything, and She loved it this way, until last week. Oh my God what a relief, I caught her read handed, and Now I am starting to second guess myself for rationalizing every single issue where I did not trust her, because of this discovery. So good at playing the delicate balance of being a sheep, and almost to the point of someone would think she was deceitful.

Yet she has blamed me for this and so much more, God I have been loyal to this person who I thought loved me.

I do not want my kids to hurt, what the Hell do I do? She wants to leave, blames me for everything , and my babies see straight past it, yet I can do nothing in this state, as I cannot force her to go to the doc. I have a feeling the 3 of us are ruined forever.

I have been hoping she would love me, but oh is it impossible.

Dont get me wrong, I have also done bad things, like trying to buy love, emotions, or whatever I could with money.

I have nowhere else to turn. Im tired of this. Any advice is well appreciated.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Turkish]

Hi LNLY13YRS,

I hope you get a proper Dx. Of you had no prior history, anxiety or depression could be the result of years of the r/s (I'm not a thereapist, so this is just an impression based upon your story).

You caught her... .as in an affair? How old are your babies, and what have they witnessed?

As a start, take a look at the lessons to the right of the board.

What "bad things" do you think you have done?

Turkish

[an0ught]

Hi LNLY13YRS,

you sound quite exhausted which after a long period of harassment is no wonder  . It is very good that you sought out a T - my own journey into BPD wonderland started the same way. As a doctor told me once - the healthier partner is searching out help first.

Yet she has blamed me for this and so much more, God I have been loyal to this person who I thought loved me.

You have done nothing wrong. You can't possibly be strong enough to stand up to her. BPD is quite devious as over time our strengths are turned against us. Your loyalty e.g. make you a reliably dumping ground for unlimited negative emotions without her having to fear consequences.

Whether she loves you or she hates you - she certainly seem to have a strong bond with you. The relationship has been going on a long time. You likely have more power than you know. A lot depends on where you want to go.

Turkish has asked a few good questions... .

,

a0

[Regularguy2016]

LNLY13YRS,

You're not alone,as others here have suffered similar situations.  One book I really like that helped me a lot is Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist... .  by Margalis.  Give it a read, either on kindle or paperback - it helped me more than the other 20 books I read.  I'm still not fixed, but trying to figure it out like you are.

Regularguy2016.