And the Games Continue...Going Crazy

[Saradane]

I'm approaching day 14 to NC and I'm proud of myself for that. To further aide my healing process I removed my exBPDgf from Facebook so that I could continue to heal and no be tempted to constantly look at what she's doing.

She retaliated by making all of her other social media accounts public. Twitter, Instagram, etc. This has driven me crazy because I keep going and looking. I blocked her on twitter, but there is no function on Instagram that doesnt allow me to look even if I block her.

Why in the heck would she do this? She's painted me blacker than black. She still follows me on all social media even though she was the one to breakup with me! Why?

I'm going crazy here. I refuse to reach out to her because I know she'll win if I do that, but this is literally driving me crazy.

[once removed]

saradane,

for the longest time i couldnt help myself in checking my exes facebook. looking for signs, anything. and then spending a day or more triggered by what id seen, whatever it was. this is why treating "no contact" like a hard and fast rule is fraught with peril.

this need not be a competition. she wont "win" if you contact her. its speculation as to why she made her accounts public, you have decided its retaliation. in reality the state of her social media accounts, public, private, or what she posts on them have no bearing on you.

im not saying it wasnt an action aimed at you. only that you decide what it means or if it means anything at all. if it was aimed at you, its aimed at getting a reaction out of you. that has happened.

so try separating the two issues. the first issue is whats in her head, what her intentions are. you dont know, you cant know, so thats essentially wasted energy, and it has no bearing on you.

the second issue is the difficulty youre having with not checking her social media, and the effect its having on you; a difficulty im very familiar with and understand. frankly, youll stop when youre ready to stop. it took me a few months. but a lot of the difficulty youre having is that she acts, and you react, and it keeps you in a loop of looking for more signs, more clues, more actions, more reactions, more looking. to stop, you have to begin to break that cycle.