2 and half year later...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi everybody

Just dropped in the thread for the first time since november 2014. I just read all my posts from 2013 and 2014 which was a really though time in my life. It was a time of mental jail... .After a really messed up relationship with an BPD.

Now after a lot of work, therapist, workout, anti depressants and climbing up a mountain of challenges I can truly say I am at a better place.

I have now a girlfriend, we are living together, I love her and she´s the best thing ever to happen to me, I´m expecting a baby this fall and life is good.

I just want to reach out here and tell everyone, don´t ever give up on yourself. The trauma of being in a BPD RS is really though and there is never a week I think about this tough time. But i´m grateful for the way things ended up. I´m stronger, i´m a different person and to all of those in time of hardship... .stay strong... .

[tomjon78]

Hi everybody

Just dropped in the thread for the first time since november 2014. I just read all my posts from 2013 and 2014 which was a really though time in my life. It was a time of mental jail... .After a really messed up relationship with an BPD.

Now after a lot of work, therapist, workout, anti depressants and climbing up a mountain of challenges I can truly say I am at a better place.

I have now a girlfriend, we are living together, I love her and she´s the best thing ever to happen to me, I´m expecting a baby this fall and life is good.

I just want to reach out here and tell everyone, don´t ever give up on yourself. The trauma of being in a BPD RS is really though and there is never a week I think about this tough time. But i´m grateful for the way things ended up. I´m stronger, i´m a different person and to all of those in time of hardship... .stay strong... .

[WoundedBibi]

What a wonderful story 

Thank you for sharing!

[AndrewS]

Thanks for taking the time to come back and post this! Gives me hope... .

In what light do you view your ex now? If I may... .

[Ahoy]

Mate I've been reading your posts from back then (just in going further back In the forums) I can't thank you enough for the post today.

I think it's hard for all of us fresh out of separations/breakups to think about the future. A reminder like this every now and then, that a better life is around the corner is a really motivational.

So THANK YOU!

[Lexisdad]

Tom jon,

Just read your original posts as i'm fairly new here. I too am the father of a severelly brain damaged little girl with many symptoms of cerebral palsy. My daughters illness also caused my marriage to detoriate. In 2011 started dating my now ex BPDgf. Things started great and after 6 month's the craziness started. She was absolutelly amazing to my daughter which i believe made me stay so much longer than i should have. As a father to a special needs child i don't need tell you that the last thing we need is any kind of drama or heartbreak. Are hearts are broken enough over our child.

My BPD ex ended the relationship in December and i was heartbroken to say the least. We met when my daughter was 5 and now as a dad with an 11 year old daughter it blew me away. How do i change her, how do i dress her how do i hold her as she falls asleep as she needs to be held to fall asleep as my ex would do.

Im five month s out and it s been a rough road. I'm not ready for the dating game but reading your story gives me hope that there is an another amazing woman out there. If you choose, read some of my posts and you will be amazed of how vicious this woman despite being amazing to my little one.  Stay strong as god knows dads of special needs kids are amazing!

[tomjon78]

Thanks for taking the time to come back and post this! Gives me hope... .

In what light do you view your ex now? If I may... .

I view her as an individual I fell for, that gave me joy, that gave me A LOT of pain and a person who has no place in my mind anymore other than a ghost that slowly has gained a lot of distance from my emotions, thoughts and fellings. I just do not have any place for any emotions at all for her anymore. I can not go to the good times and smile but rather go to the tough times and see that I was strong to get out of this mess in the end.

[AndrewS]

Thanks Tom John. I was kinda hoping you would say that 

I can't imagine feeling like that now but understand it will come.

[Yaryar87]

Wow thanks for sharing that. It's nice to see that it can be done. 

[Hadlee]

What a lovely story.  Congratulations on expecting a baby

[CC85]

TomJon,

Congratulations on the forthcoming arrival!... .I read your message at a time where I am in a mess at present. It's almost 2 weeks since my ex udBPDgf left and I have had our 3 yo (who is understandably confused) since then while she sorts out a permanent home.

I currently go from being depressed, lonely, ruminating over her and sending emails asking if she realises the mistake she's made walking out on having a family but get absolutely no response. I then feel anger for how I have been treated / portrayed and it spurs me on to wanting to get out there and meet someone else (Not that I intend to rush into anything, as I need my wounds to heal first).

Without stirring into what was obviously a painful time for you back then, did you go through these emotions and how/when did you get through them?

I haven't had any therapy as yet, as I have been too busy caring for our son who is not well atm either, but all I keep doing is thinking of her with the new man, and him thinking what a loser I must be to have lost having her (you know what the early days are like with the lustful behaviour). I fear that although I was deemed Casanova to her and faultless early on, I will struggle to meet "normal" girls in the future who won't simply believe me to be the Messiah!

So good to hear of a good story, long may it continue for you! 

[WoundedBibi]

TomJon,

Congratulations on the forthcoming arrival!... .I read your message at a time where I am in a mess at present. It's almost 2 weeks since my ex udBPDgf left and I have had our 3 yo (who is understandably confused) since then while she sorts out a permanent home.

I currently go from being depressed, lonely, ruminating over her and sending emails asking if she realises the mistake she's made walking out on having a family but get absolutely no response. I then feel anger for how I have been treated / portrayed and it spurs me on to wanting to get out there and meet someone else (Not that I intend to rush into anything, as I need my wounds to heal first).

Without stirring into what was obviously a painful time for you back then, did you go through these emotions and how/when did you get through them?

I haven't had any therapy as yet, as I have been too busy caring for our son who is not well atm either, but all I keep doing is thinking of her with the new man, and him thinking what a loser I must be to have lost having her (you know what the early days are like with the lustful behaviour). I fear that although I was deemed Casanova to her and faultless early on, I will struggle to meet "normal" girls in the future who won't simply believe me to be the Messiah!

So good to hear of a good story, long may it continue for you! 

That's just it CC85. You are not faultless. Nobody is. In a normal adult relationship both partners realise this and accept their partner has faults. A "normal" girl will not believe you to be the Messiah because you aren't. If a girl thinks you are the Messiah you have found yourself another pw with a PD.

So if you want to be on a pedestal then you have only one option: a relationship with a pw a PD.

If you want a normal adult stable relationship without drama that actually gives your son a stable family life then give up the pedestal.

[bus boy]

Great success story. It moved me to tears. I'm on coffee time at work so I'm doing some choking back. My BPD had been out of my life for a year, mentally I am healing good but with every answer pops another question to this most complex mental illness. Thank you for sharing and giving us hope.

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

Hi everybody

Just dropped in the thread for the first time since november 2014. I just read all my posts from 2013 and 2014 which was a really though time in my life. It was a time of mental jail... .After a really messed up relationship with an BPD.

Now after a lot of work, therapist, workout, anti depressants and climbing up a mountain of challenges I can truly say I am at a better place.

I have now a girlfriend, we are living together, I love her and she´s the best thing ever to happen to me, I´m expecting a baby this fall and life is good.

I just want to reach out here and tell everyone, don´t ever give up on yourself. The trauma of being in a BPD RS is really though and there is never a week I think about this tough time. But i´m grateful for the way things ended up. I´m stronger, i´m a different person and to all of those in time of hardship... .stay strong... .

I have't talked to you here but Congrats. It's great to hear stuff like this. Take care !