Wow...I wasn't aware of the term BPD, but knew all the traits

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Ok, I am going through the break up of a relationship that was about 12 years and looking back it was a rocky ride.  We went through these cycles, that were anywhere from 3 weeks to a few months, where the relationship was the best she would be so attentive and loving, and then out of nowhere (and often fueled by alcohol)  she would have this vehement anger or she would go through days of debilitating isolating depression, and three or four times a year she would run off for a few days to a few weeks.

Looking back I feel like I was the frog in the pot of cold water, and as the temperature turned up I really wasn't aware -- I couldn't see it.  She came into my life in a way that kind of took over - she helped with some business stuff, she helped with my daughter, and other things -- but then she would get very passive aggressive and resentful. She had me convinced that I wasn't really trying in the relationship.  We tried three or four counselors --- she showed up to one counseling session drunk, that should have been enough of a red flag.

I have known that things weren't right for some time, but didn't know what it was. About seven months ago we had a particularly bad incident. We had plans to go out one night, and when I came home and she had been drinking. When I tried to talk to her about being drunk (I know bad idea) she really turned up the volume and created about 2 hours of intense drama.  That incident really made me realize that I couldn't trust her, and trust is really the foundation of a healthy relationship.  The drama continued for a few days, and I finally made the decision that we needed to separate.  That was seven months ago and the communication has been very sporadic and inconsistent. I am still very much in the stage of trying to untangle myself emotionally.

[nwnewstart]

Ok, I am going through the break up of a relationship that was about 12 years and looking back it was a rocky ride.  We went through these cycles, that were anywhere from 3 weeks to a few months, where the relationship was the best she would be so attentive and loving, and then out of nowhere (and often fueled by alcohol)  she would have this vehement anger or she would go through days of debilitating isolating depression, and three or four times a year she would run off for a few days to a few weeks.

Looking back I feel like I was the frog in the pot of cold water, and as the temperature turned up I really wasn't aware -- I couldn't see it.  She came into my life in a way that kind of took over - she helped with some business stuff, she helped with my daughter, and other things -- but then she would get very passive aggressive and resentful. She had me convinced that I wasn't really trying in the relationship.  We tried three or four counselors --- she showed up to one counseling session drunk, that should have been enough of a red flag.

I have known that things weren't right for some time, but didn't know what it was. About seven months ago we had a particularly bad incident. We had plans to go out one night, and when I came home and she had been drinking. When I tried to talk to her about being drunk (I know bad idea) she really turned up the volume and created about 2 hours of intense drama.  That incident really made me realize that I couldn't trust her, and trust is really the foundation of a healthy relationship.  The drama continued for a few days, and I finally made the decision that we needed to separate.  That was seven months ago and the communication has been very sporadic and inconsistent. I am still very much in the stage of trying to untangle myself emotionally.

[once removed]

hi nwnewstart and

alcoholism and BPD can each make for a pretty volatile relationship. put them together, and you have a pretty mean cocktail that exacerbates traits of the disorder, and the two issues fuel each other. unfortunately this is not uncommon, and im very sorry to hear you experienced it  .

a frog in the pot is a good analogy that i think many of us can relate to. presumably all of us had the best of intentions. it sounds like you gave it your all. thats something to be commended for.

how is the sporadic and inconsistent communication going? you say you are separated and trying to untangle yourself emotionally (that must be hard); whats the status of the relationship?