...struggling with the ' whole emotional side ' of realising my EX has BPD

[spooktor]

Hello to all whom may read!

My story is far too complex to detail here in one post, but i will start with a little introduction.

Met my ( now )  Ex 4 years ago, She was everything i could have wished for in a potential partner, she has a daughter aged 6 ( the only downside was an ex, whom by all i was told, was a nasty, angry man who was irrational and she was scared of his potentional damage he could put on the daughter both mental and physical ) and she voiced ( i stress voiced or worded ... .not actions generally! ) the same.  EXAMPLES AS FOLLOWS -


Can't compete with that really! Do you see what I mean about you being wonderful!

You make me feel like my hearts going to burst!

I don't make many promises but I can promise you that for as long as you want me I  will make you happy! it's my mission!

Sweet dreams my love xxxxxxxxxxxxx

I want you... .I desire you... .I dream of you... .I want more for us... .and you're right... .No one likes a rollercoaster!... .Sorry for even making you think of that ... .

And just so you know, no one could ever defeat or replace you when it comes to my thoughts and especially my heart. Over the years it's been broken,

crushed and squashed but somehow  you've managed to find a little undamaged nook to patiently wait in, and everyday that little nook get bigger... .

.I'm pretty sure it will explode with happiness one of these days!  I am totally in love with you  and i feel like the luckiest girl in the universe! xxxxxxxxxxxx

So... .you get the picture... .imagine a constant stream of these!... .tied in with my ' cant believe i have met this girl at this stage of my life! ( im 48 yr old  

First 8 months - Perfect in every way

Then she had to move house, into a friends house, for 16 months ( whilst she waited for a more suitable home ), over this time i kept the ship afloat,( as it was a testing time, but the words of love and CONSTANT PROMISES kept flowing, so i took them as trusted and truthful words )  and i kept doing everything i possibly could for her and her daughter, to make this period as comfortable as i could, in regards to a normal relationship, including financial issues. Also, over this time, my family bent over backwards to help too, as they knew how much this girl meant to me.

After ( in total so far 2 years ), i got a place sorted for her, through my best mate, cheaper than all other rentals ( bearing in mind she was not ready to ' move in together ' yet ( all to do with the ex issues, and his control over the daughter! etc ). At this time, we already had a holiday booked with her family, so that tied in with the new house, a new beginning, our relationship should have again, reached new heights! it prompted the following words -


(house name) is in the past, It's time for pastures new,

I never thought It would be this hard,

Being away from you,

It's time for new adventures,

A fresh start to 2015

And all the laughs and hopes and thoughts,

Will be more than just a dream

I love you more than words can say,

I hope our bubble never bursts

I promise I will show you this when I move into ( house name )  

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So, i do the whole move thing, everything, and the move is done and dusted! ( i start to notice a slight change in her affections and closeness/intamacy etc over the next few months, and question a lot of things .BUT... .we go on holiday ( i notice more and more her lack of interest ), we get back home!

2 MONTHS later, she cited Depression, said she felt no joy in anything, created an argument from nothing, which resulted in her saying she cant do US anymore, and has fallen out of love!

This is only part of the story!... .back to the EX partner ( father of her daughter )

Now i was never ' allowed ' to meet this chap, at anytime over our relationship ( no matter how many times i requested it should and needed to happen, for our relationship to gain strength and love ) as was always forefront of everything " he could damage the daughter emotionally and she is no 1 in mums world, and if shes not ok we will never be ok ( bearing in mind i got on fantastically well with daughter.

Once relationship was over, i decided to find the father/ex partner and arrange a meeting with him. He responded by agreeing to this, and in his own words ( to discuss the web of lies! )

We met up, and he was a perfectly nice chap, who had been ' rinsed ' and left,  by our Ex,  ( she gave no apology or reason, and left with his daughter ). He had no idea i was with his ex girlfriend, and his daughter had been manipulated, to keep me a secret from him, in other word!.,  taught to lie ... .and that was just one minute detail of the deception.

i confronted my ex about the lies, she  tried to deny it all etc and i told her i could not trust her words or her FULL STOP.

the next bit is condenssed... .but she broke down in floods of tears, she was full of sorrow and " i never meant it to be like this "... .even saying she was mental and destroyed everything she touched!... .and was going to seek ' help '

We did the no contact thing, but i recently was feeling sad for her, as i read up about  BPD  and the abandonment issues, as i know her father left her at 4 years  old, And when my ex was 19 years old, she came home from work, and her mum was on the driveway, with suitcases telling my ex " im leaving your stepdad and going to live with my new partner!... .come if you want, or stay with the stepdad. ( mother and daughter did not speak for 9 months ), but now they are thick as thieves, and my ex says she understands why she left her stepdad). I dont think she has ever got over this second abandonment personally.

Anyhow, i contacted her, to see if she was any better... .and she was still lying!

i will continue my story further, next post.

Does this appear to confirm my belief, that my ex is BPD?

She has recently told me she attempted a suicide... .i think it is not the truth... .and another lie

Am i being too dismissive or un sympathetic?

Any answers much appreciated as im really wounded by the whole thing!   many thanks in advance

[Ahoy]

Mate I think its perfectly normal to have confusing feelings about her. This is someone who is likely very unwell that you care about! The problem is in the process BPD's, directly or indirectly inflict significant trauma on their partners. Relationships end usually with the greatest of betrayals (infidelity)

When thinking about my partner, I fluctuate between anger, sympathy, indifference, often feeling all three emotions every day!