My uBPD mother keeps falling down and getting hurt? Can you relate?

[Depression = 72% of members]

 

Hello, Everyone,

It's been several years since my last post. This site helps me tremendously. It contributed to my own breakthrough, along with a lot of counseling. Yet, Mother's Day seems to be a trigger for my uBPD mom, and talking with her yesterday reignited some of the FOG. 

Seven weeks ago I had major surgery. Right before my surgery, my uBPD mom posted on Facebook, "Please pray for my daughter who is having numerous tumors removed." Here's the problem. I'm not on Facebook, and I continually ask that she respect my personal privacy by not posting things about me on her FB.  I'm not even on there. Also, I didn't have tumors, well technically fibroids are tumors, but her post made everyone think I had cancer.  So I calmly and kindly asked her to remove the post. She did. My sneaking suspicion is that she pulled this stunt because she saw an opportunity to use me to get sympathy from her own FB friends.  As an uBPD person, she feeds on peoples pity and attention. When she's not getting it, she feels abandoned and along, which is the BIG BAD for my mom.  That's when she pulls circus tricks.

I told her she didn't need to come across the country to be with me during the surgery, and her constant complaint of being broke fit my reasoning well. However, a few days after my surgery, she fell and broke her ankle. This is the third fall she's had in 18 months, and each one happened within days of other significant events. After her husband died 18 mos ago, she tripped in a parking lot while shopping (though totally broke). It was like she was afraid people would stop remembering her once my step-dad was gone. Then, as if in response to my rejection of her, she fell and broke her ankle.  She is aging (68), but I suspect she is also using her age and medical problems to garner sympathy and manipulate.

Has anyone else experienced this?

[orania]

 

Hello, Everyone,

It's been several years since my last post. This site helps me tremendously. It contributed to my own breakthrough, along with a lot of counseling. Yet, Mother's Day seems to be a trigger for my uBPD mom, and talking with her yesterday reignited some of the FOG. 

Seven weeks ago I had major surgery. Right before my surgery, my uBPD mom posted on Facebook, "Please pray for my daughter who is having numerous tumors removed." Here's the problem. I'm not on Facebook, and I continually ask that she respect my personal privacy by not posting things about me on her FB.  I'm not even on there. Also, I didn't have tumors, well technically fibroids are tumors, but her post made everyone think I had cancer.  So I calmly and kindly asked her to remove the post. She did. My sneaking suspicion is that she pulled this stunt because she saw an opportunity to use me to get sympathy from her own FB friends.  As an uBPD person, she feeds on peoples pity and attention. When she's not getting it, she feels abandoned and along, which is the BIG BAD for my mom.  That's when she pulls circus tricks.

I told her she didn't need to come across the country to be with me during the surgery, and her constant complaint of being broke fit my reasoning well. However, a few days after my surgery, she fell and broke her ankle. This is the third fall she's had in 18 months, and each one happened within days of other significant events. After her husband died 18 mos ago, she tripped in a parking lot while shopping (though totally broke). It was like she was afraid people would stop remembering her once my step-dad was gone. Then, as if in response to my rejection of her, she fell and broke her ankle.  She is aging (68), but I suspect she is also using her age and medical problems to garner sympathy and manipulate.

Has anyone else experienced this?

[Naughty Nibbler]

HEY ORANIA:

Hope your surgery went well and you are recovering nicely. I've had both a broken ankle and a face plant in a parking lot before, so I couldn't resist commenting, .

Unfortunately, even without BPD, some aging folks can tend to dwell on their aches, pains, etc.  I can imagine how a BPD could exaggerate in order to gain more sympathy and make you wonder what is truth, what is fiction and what is embellished.  Do you feel that she is falling on purpose?

How bad is her broken ankle?  Surgery?  Cast for 6 weeks, crutches, etc. ?  How bad was the parking lot fall?  What did she give as the reason for the falls? 


There could be some root causes for the falls:

• Shoes can be an issue (no tread on the bottom or wear areas on the soles that lead to slipping)



• Anxious and stressed: People can be clumsy when they are anxious and stress.  They are less cautious, less observant and trip on things.



• A neurological problem



• A balance or inner ear problem



• Vision problems can be a contributing factor



• Bad knees or a hip problem can cause a person to tend to trip more easily than most people.  Little bumps that most people navigate over easily, can cause a trip situation for some people (i.e. damaged knees can't recover from what would be an almost fall for someone with good knees)

In my case, the root cause of my fall was a perfect storm of inappropriate footwear, haste and a few holes in the ground.   The face plant in the parking lot was caused by lack of observance that the long lead I was using on my dog had gotten tangled around my feet.

It has to be tough to deal with an aging uBPD mom that has been an attention seeker.  You may have to check and verify in some manner to get to the truth.  Sometimes, there can be a real cause of falling and some people have difficulty getting an accurate diagnosis.

Best wishes.

[DreamerGirl]

Hi orania,

I hope you're feeling a lot better since surgery.

I just wanted to say I can relate to you.

My mother, she is 10 years older than yours, is very similar.

Whenever something bad happens to myself or my sisters, then not very long afterwards, she either has a fall, or an illness or a major depression which eventually ends with her in hospital. 

We have never been sure whether this is for attention, or whether the stress of the worry she is feeling for us, causes this.  We would like to think it's the worry, but after all these years, I do think it's not about us and her concern for us.  She is worried we won't be there for her, to look after her and that is what drives her into the destructive behavior.

The destructive behavior with my mother is drinking.  It has been all my life.

She will become a fully blown alcoholic.  She will blame this on her depression.  The depression can be caused by anything.

She eventually becomes a danger to herself. 

So no matter what the issue or problem with myself or my sisters is, suddenly the urgency to save her take center stage.

My mother always loves to use her age depression to garner sympathy. 

Big hugs, it's hard because we love them but we can see through them.