Finally deleted all the pics, texts, screenshots

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hello everyone

I finally got to work today and deleted all the pics and texts and screenshots of the exgf. I put it off because I didn't want to sort through 100,000 pics and folders too.

All gone, I deleted everything related to her.

I deleted my son's pictures too and took all his belongings to a donation. Since she's making so many serious threats I cannot endanger myself any longer. I won't give her one more second of my life.

As I told her last November.

GAME OVER!

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

I finally got to work today and deleted all the pics and texts and screenshots of the exgf. I put it off because I didn't want to sort through 100,000 pics and folders too.

All gone, I deleted everything related to her.

I deleted my son's pictures too and took all his belongings to a donation. Since she's making so many serious threats I cannot endanger myself any longer. I won't give her one more second of my life.

As I told her last November.

GAME OVER!

[londons]

i am sorry jerry.  that had to be one of the toughest , if not THE toughest, decision youve ever made.  one step at a time... .   hang in there.

[JerryRG]

Thanks londons

I have no choice, she's using my son to harm me. I won't allow her to destroy me. She will face her own destiny and have to explain to my son what's she's done.

I saved her from meth, suicide multiple times, prostitution, homelessness, and she tried killing my son while she was pregnant with him. And now she's telling people I raped her?

Not sure how much more I can take and she's promising to make my life a living hell.

[londons]

i am so sorry.  you cannot control her behavior.  but you can control yours, and thank goodness you are doing just that.  how old is your son?  do you share custody?  i am glad you are here, but i also hope you have family or friends nearby to lend support.  you have gone above and beyond for her.  can you do the same for yourself and your son?  again, hang in there.

[JerryRG]

He's 2, and I have parental custody set by the state but last time I encountered her and her warped bf they told me I take my visits according to their wishes or they give my son to a family in Wisconsin. If this creep is in love with my ex why the hell would he want to give my son away?

For one it's illegal and two it's just a damn lie and manipulation so it proves they are both crazy stupid.

What a pair of nuts

[Herodias]

Gosh that's torture... .I know someone very upset because her ex is trying to get their child just for the support payments. He is mean and pinches and spanks the little girl. Her family is doing all they can to not allow this. It is awful, because it takes allot of money to lawyers and that doesn't guarantee anything. He doesn't  even want her, just wants to control her and her Mother. I guess you have found out there is not allot you can do? Can you call social services on her anonymously? How do you stop the rape charges? Mine told me if I emailed him he would report me as harassing him. Ridiculous... .I told him fine, we can talk through lawyers at $75 a pop!   It's not quite that much, but I wanted him to see how stupid that was. I was only asking him to put the money he owes me in a certain account... .which he will not do by the way. They are soo frustrating! I am so sorry you have a son with her. I am seeing that I was lucky not to have had one with mine. I have heard the worst stories. I hope you can find some way of working it out. Maybe they will get tired of having him and if you are not acting upset about it, they will give him to you. Maybe you can act like you don't care and then she will give him to you more often ... .who knows. They seem to do the opposite of what you want.

[JerryRG]

Thanks Blue

I'm fine, this only goes to show that messing around with people with personality disorders is extremely dangerous not only for adults but for the innocent children as well.

I'm not worried because my exgf will collapse again soon.

[Herodias]

Thanks Blue

I'm fine, this only goes to show that messing around with people with personality disorders is extremely dangerous not only for adults but for the innocent children as well.

I'm not worried because my exgf will collapse again soon.

Yes, if we only knew what personality disorders were from the get go... .

[JerryRG]

They only get worse and worse and take everything good down with them

[steelwork]

I remember the day I deleted everything. What a hard day that was. Hugs, Jerry.

[Turkish]

It sounds like you are also detaching from your son. You feel you're doing this to keep yourself safe. Is there nothing you can do to fight this to be a father in his life?

[JQ]

Hey Jerry,

I know what you had to do was tough on so many different levels ... .but it was a huge step on your journey.  Sometimes on our journey we might not like what we find, but it's required in order to keep moving forward.

Stay strong ... .peace

J

[JerryRG]

My father was a mean drunk long before I came into this world. I learned before I could speak English when he was drinking. His eyes would would change, his breath, he spoke loud and swore horrible words.

Then he would leave

We would go to bed

I would wait up as long as I could for him to come home.

When he did the house would light up, loud voices, drunken voices.

Then the fights

The arguing

Yelling and crying until 2 or 3 am

Then the crashes and stubbing

And fear

Dad falling down again

Hurting himself

Each time he left

I never believed he'd come back

Years and years

I finally stopped

Caring

He was already dead

Then he killed himself

Burned alive in his car

I seen his black body skeleton

I didn't cry

He was already dead

My son

My only son

I cannot do this to you

I cannot bear the thought of a mother

Touching you

The way my mother touched me

I am not God

[Confused108]

Jerry you have mentioned that she threatens you with giving your son away? Her and her ex boyfriend? First I am concerned for your son"s safety. Let me ask you this. With her track record of drugs , prostitution , attempted suicide etc... .Why does she have your son? No court or Judge in their right state of mind would give this woman full custody of her child? If you can't affor a lawyer go to legal aid or your local child support enforcement . Tell them your story. You fear for the safety of your son. Plain and simple. If your ex has a record with the police or hospital records for her drug abuse you can use this against her. Also when she and her boyfriend threaten you is it they text? Verbal? Email? If it is tape her. Tape her saying these things to you. Tape her boyfriend. Save her emails or texts if she sends them to you this way. It shows intent. It will ahow the court what she is doing and just how unstable she is. If you want custody of your son this is the route I would take. Good luck.

[bus boy]

Heart wrenching. God bless you.

[Fr4nz]

i am so sorry.  you cannot control her behavior.  but you can control yours, and thank goodness you are doing just that.  how old is your son?  do you share custody?  i am glad you are here, but i also hope you have family or friends nearby to lend support.  you have gone above and beyond for her.  can you do the same for yourself and your son?  again, hang in there.

Jerry,

I would also ask help to a therapist, in order to understand what is the best course of action to follow.

Your case sounds quite complicated, since there's a child involved, so it's better to have a sound psychological support. This would also allow you to have a third-party, detached opinion about the best moves to implement in the interest of your son.

[drummerboy5]

Jerry I'm sorry you have been going through all this bs. I haven't seen my exBPD/npd since feb and that was the first time since dec when I left her... She is 32 weeks pregnant and has gave me the ST pretty much sinc(punishing me)Dec. she has contacted me a handful of times only to start drama and tell me she's named the child and my last name wasn't good enough for the baby. She recently unblocked me on fb a week ago after being blocked since Dec. I've got tagged post and her profile pic pooping up on pics she liked of mine... I did look at her profile and she's been changing her profile pics to pics I've liked while dating or pics when we dating and on good terms.

I missed her during the ST but now that I've seen she unblocked me I have a lot of hate towards her. I don't want anything to do with her, don't want her in my life and DO NOT want to co- parent with her... The more I think about certain things from our past I'm almost positive the pregnancy wasn't unplanned at least on one side ... She has emotionally and verbally abused me to the point that I have health problems that are caused from her abuse and stress...

I have deleted everything that has to do with my exBPD/npd and our relationship, but she hasn't as I've seen it still lurking on fb... Call me an a$$hole for feeling the way I do, but I've never had another human treat me like crap or walk over me like my ex has!

My T specializes in PwBpd and non recovery and she supports whatever decision I make... My T has seen the text and emails from my ex and the abuse patterns. My T has told me to remain NC no matter what my ex try's. I don't know what I'm going to do as far as court yet, but my T is helping me prepare for that and also my T thinks my ex is either going to rage soon or try a recycle since baby will be here soon. I'm preparing myself for both situations...

[JerryRG]

I understand drummerboy5

I'm frustrated too, my ex picked our sons name and middle name and wouldn't put my last name on his bc.

She's a real monster and she lied about not being able to have children, lies, lies and more lies.

3 ogbyns told her she couldn't have children? Yep, lie number 648 and only 2 months into our relationship and opps it's a miracle!

Haha, then the real abuse started with the "hormones made me crazy" excuse. Beating the hell out of me several times and trying to drive me off the road.

Did I mention how much I loved this fluffy kitten?

She gets sent to drug treatment for abusing opiates while pregnant and instead of thanking me for saving her and my son's life she blames the pills on me and goes into treatment and 3 months I couldn't visit. The one time she gets out for Christmas and our son was kicking so I try to feel, he decides to nap and the ex looks at me and grins, "guess he don't like you"

Gurrrrrrrrrrrr what a #$@¥€#&₩£€#$¥€!^£ horrible thing to say!

When I left her I walked out and later thought I should have layed a penny on her belly and said this was a special penny and left then text her after I'm driving away and tell her, "thanks for breaking my heart, spend your gift carefully"

Always think of things too late

Yes she's one miserable ______ !

[drummerboy5]

I understand drummerboy5

I'm frustrated too, my ex picked our sons name and middle name and wouldn't put my last name on his bc.

She's a real monster and she lied about not being able to have children, lies, lies and more lies.

3 ogbyns told her she couldn't have children? Yep, lie number 648 and only 2 months into our relationship and opps it's a miracle!

Haha, then the real abuse started with the "hormones made me crazy" excuse. Beating the hell out of me several times and trying to drive me off the road.

Did I mention how much I loved this fluffy kitten?

She gets sent to drug treatment for abusing opiates while pregnant and instead of thanking me for saving her and my son's life she blames the pills on me and goes into treatment and 3 months I couldn't visit. The one time she gets out for Christmas and our son was kicking so I try to feel, he decides to nap and the ex looks at me and grins, "guess he don't like you"

Gurrrrrrrrrrrr what a #$@¥€#&₩£€#$¥€!^£ horrible thing to say!

When I left her I walked out and later thought I should have layed a penny on her belly and said this was a special penny and left then text her after I'm driving away and tell her, "thanks for breaking my heart, spend your gift carefully"

Always think of things too late

Yes she's one miserable ______ !

Good ol blame game! I remember before I left my exBPD/npd in December I found empty beer bottles hidden around her bathroom while pregnant. I asked if she was drinking because she had an addiction the whole time we dated, guess what? I got called an a-hole and how dare I accuse he of drinking while pregnant! My guess by her reaction is she was guilty she got caught... That poor little baby suffering because of a selfish B... The child has no chance at a decent life by having my ex in her life!

[JerryRG]

I am working on my recovery, I'm no where near strong enough to be around my ex, last time was about 5 weeks ago and while she was preaching to me she wanted peace in texts, I found out after dropping my son off she's telling people I raped her.

Soo I spiral into anger and resentment for yet another reason.

I just left an AA meeting and guess what we discuss? Yep, resentments. The book says we need to escape them or they kill us and or block our peace and spiritual growth.

Yep, since I'm in the program and want to recover I cannot pick and choose what I will and will not do.

This is giving me resentment because I need to forgive her because she's "sick" (understatement) and she can just keep the lies and retoric coming at me.

I'm not there yet but one day her nonsense will be just a slight blip on my radar, after all she is extremely mentally ill with the emotional maturity of a 3 year old and like you said her being a healthy mother is not reality. So we need keep our heads for our children's sake because our exs don't know how.

My exgf does not know how to parent and has shown she really couldn't care less if she has our son, she simply using him to control me and keep me forever in her life.

Beware DB, these people will use you and spit you out like used bubble gum. No empathy, no values, no desencey, no fairness, no love, no respect and things only get worse.

[drummerboy5]

I am working on my recovery, I'm no where near strong enough to be around my ex, last time was about 5 weeks ago and while she was preaching to me she wanted peace in texts, I found out after dropping my son off she's telling people I raped her.

Soo I spiral into anger and resentment for yet another reason.

I just left an AA meeting and guess what we discuss? Yep, resentments. The book says we need to escape them or they kill us and or block our peace and spiritual growth.

Yep, since I'm in the program and want to recover I cannot pick and choose what I will and will not do.

This is giving me resentment because I need to forgive her because she's "sick" (understatement) and she can just keep the lies and retoric coming at me.

I'm not there yet but one day her nonsense will be just a slight blip on my radar, after all she is extremely mentally ill with the emotional maturity of a 3 year old and like you said her being a healthy mother is not reality. So we need keep our heads for our children's sake because our exs don't know how.

My exgf does not know how to parent and has shown she really couldn't care less if she has our son, she simply using him to control me and keep me forever in her life.

Beware DB, these people will use you and spit you out like used bubble gum. No empathy, no values, no desencey, no fairness, no love, no respect and things only get worse.

The rape accusations is crazy Jerry! I remember last time I talked to my ex I told I didn't want drama as my blood pressure was being watched for three weeks due to stress she has caused me, her reaction was eat better and until you do this and that do expect many sympathy from me! I have saved every threats and abusive text/email from her for curt purpose and incase she try's to play the victim and file who knows what on me. I can call her bluff. I'm backed up a100%

[JerryRG]

Good for you DB

I tried saving all the crazy texts but I would need to hire 3 secretaries and 4 lawyers to sort through the thousands of texts I received from my ex. She text me about 50 times everyday unless she was upset then it was a mountain slide I could not keep up with.

Completely overwhelmed and at the time I felt it was a cheap way to treat her, this thinking almost got me dead and or in jail many times. Stupid compassion and denial

[drummerboy5]

Good for you DB

I tried saving all the crazy texts but I would need to hire 3 secretaries and 4 lawyers to sort through the thousands of texts I received from my ex. She text me about 50 times everyday unless she was upset then it was a mountain slide I could not keep up with.

Completely overwhelmed and at the time I felt it was a cheap way to treat her, this thinking almost got me dead and or in jail many times. Stupid compassion and denial

I guess I'm lucky, my ex is for the most part silent. She use to rage at my until I told her if she threatens me again I'd file  harassment  charges against her. She's been quite since with just a little rage

[JerryRG]

Thanks everyone

My sponsor was upset I deleted everything and asked why I didn't discuss my decision with him before doing it. I didn't think about asking him and I regret acting out of emotion.

This doesn't eliminate my son or having to deal with his mother.

I am so resentful for the current curcumstances and taking it out on my son.

The facts are clear

1. He is my son and my responsibility

2. His mother is BPD

3. She has and will continue to harm him

4. He needs a father whether or not I believe I'm a good one or not

5. I need to put his needs before mine

Time to grow up

[JQ]

Hey Jerry,

I cannot imagine the complications of your exBPDgf couple with your child that you're going through. I know that you realize she has a very serious mental illness that is beyond anyone's ability to manage. It doesn't make it any easier trying to work through the issues you are.  I know that it's frustrating dealing with all that you have too on a daily basis, I can see it in your post. I can tell you're getting worked up about some things that are beyond your control to affect in a positive manner. Your letting some of that out here and that's a good thing to do, as you put it, avoid the alternative of jail and or worse.

In reference to your wanting to save text. I know that Verizon can save the last 3 months of text via the cloud that they will make it available to you. Maybe that might be an alternative, just a thought.  

I'm glad to hear that you're working on your recovery and you realize how important it is to you. You also recognize that you're not in a good position to deal with her flying monkey circus either. This is a big step for anyone to learn and know that they are not ready to deal with someone who affects them in a negative manner and who is mental ill.

Remember part of the healing process to help get your mind in a good place is be sure to keep your body strong too. Get out for that run/walk/bike ride and burn off some stress, frustration.  Get up 1/2 an hour early and center yourself by watching the sun come up, it's good for the soul & full of Zen ... .I said Zen not Zinfandel    ... .unless you want to have Zin while watching the sun come up.     Keep a sense of humor Jerry   

I've recently moved and had a few moments myself, but I had my neighbor invite me over for dinner and meet couple of their friends in the neighborhood. It was a good moment and encourage you and anyone in the group to do the same. Get to know your neighbors if you can.  

You come here to vent, let off some steam, express yourself and this is a very VERY good thing.  

Things are going to get better my friend.

J

[drummerboy5]

Thanks everyone

My sponsor was upset I deleted everything and asked why I didn't discuss my decision with him before doing it. I didn't think about asking him and I regret acting out of emotion.

This doesn't eliminate my son or having to deal with his mother.

I am so resentful for the current curcumstances and taking it out on my son.

The facts are clear

1. He is my son and my responsibility

2. His mother is BPD

3. She has and will continue to harm him

4. He needs a father whether or not I believe I'm a good one or not

5. I need to put his needs before mine

Time to grow up

Jerry, it's very easy to feel down or to not know your self worth when dealing with a pwBPD. Everything that has gone on with your ex has you thinking you might not be good enough because that's  what pwBPD do. They want to see you fail or they want to brainwash you into believing you aren't worth a crap, that takes all the eyes off them and their problems. It's a sick and twisted world dealing with a pwBPD or npd.

Yes your son needs you regardless of what your ex says or how's she makes you feel. You ex wants to "Win" by winning is to break you down so you cave into whatever she wants you to do. Stay strong and tell her, he's my son to and I will not allow you to call all the shots regarding "Our" child. Remember your son isn't a person to your ex, he's an object for attn: or whatever else she uses your son for. Remember the way your ex treats you is the same way she will treat her childeren.

[JerryRG]

Thanks drummerboy5

This is very true and on some level I know it, I need strength for my son and myself. My ex was a master at destroying and she's not going to quit.

Had to laugh while typing this the song by Nazareth came on Hair of the dog.

Hair Of The Dog"

Heart breaker, soul shaker

I've been told about you

Steamroller, midnight stroller

What they've been saying must be true

[bridge:]

Red hot mama

Velvet charmer

Time's come to pay your dues

[chorus:]

Now you're messin' with a

A sob

Now you're messin' with a sob

Now you're messin' with a

A sob

Now you're messin' with a sob

Talkin' jivey, poison ivy

You ain't gonna cling to me

Man taker, born faker

I ain't so blind I can't see

[bridge]

[chorus]

[pipes solo]

[chorus]

Please excuse the language

Guess it's time I act like her?

I never wanted to be a p*** because of all the abuse my father dished out and I wanted to NOT be like him.

[drummerboy5]

Thanks drummerboy5

This is very true and on some level I know it, I need strength for my son and myself. My ex was a master at destroying and she's not going to quit.

Had to laugh while typing this the song by Nazareth came on Hair of the dog.

Hair Of The Dog"

Heart breaker, soul shaker

I've been told about you

Steamroller, midnight stroller

What they've been saying must be true

[bridge:]

Red hot mama

Velvet charmer

Time's come to pay your dues

[chorus:]

Now you're messin' with a

A sob

Now you're messin' with a sob

Now you're messin' with a

A sob

Now you're messin' with a sob

Talkin' jivey, poison ivy

You ain't gonna cling to me

Man taker, born faker

I ain't so blind I can't see

[bridge]

[chorus]

[pipes solo]

[chorus]

Please excuse the language

Guess it's time I act like her?

I never wanted to be a p*** because of all the abuse my father dished out and I wanted to NOT be like him.

Lol it's all about being consistent and standing firm on boundaries. PwBPD love to be in control and you've got to take the control away. Your son is a perfect way for your ex to have control over you and your heartstrings. I'm a little different I already have kids by more than one mother that are all BPD/npd which my T is helping so I don't pick those women anymore. I have custody of one of my childeren which I won through the courts. I will not tolerate any abuse or any using a child to manipulate me any longer... I'm being helped to eliminate my reducer/fixer personality.

My problem is I attract BPD/npd because I'm an easy target being codependent. Those women love me , but not anymore. With the help on my T I can go on fb and just by observing women's post, pics and how they interact through messages I can pin point red flags now for BPD/npd.

[londons]

you are all in my thoughts and prayers today.  here is my 2 cents (and it's really all i have seeing as my exbph is out and has left me with the rent):   i grew up with a father addicted to alcohol.  as much as he wanted to love and parent me and my 3 siblings, the alcohol addiction won over.   my mother took over for both parents.  she parented us with all the love, kindness, patience, and guidance she could muster while working 3 jobs to keep cereal in our cupboard.  because of HER, ONE SANE PARENT, the 4 of us grew up to be LIKE her (loving, patient and kind).  we are all employed, happy , and have a wonderful family dynamic.   i am presenting you all with a picture of HOPE.  it is DOABLE.  let go and step away from the insanity.  hold on to the fact that one sane parent can create a beautiful individual.  and you are that one sane parent!  easier said than done, i realize that, but it is the route to go, and in your hearts you know that.  be steadfast.  you have someone counting on you, and you can do it!  i believe in you!  i am proud of you already!  hugs,  londons