Contact after 3 years of NC

[william3693]

After 3 years of NC BPD ex gf contacted me with letter which said "We cannot go on not meeting like this no one is talking" this was in November of 2015.

She said she was sorry for breaking up with me.She did it because she was afraid and that she has been in therapy and working on herself for last 3 years  and has not been in a relationship.

I was very skeptical of this and have questioned her truthfulness since last rs.She said she wanted a relationship and also would like to get married if it worked out.

We started dating in December of 2016.Things have gone well till she caught a cold from babysitting her granddaughter and said and she was miserable and bored and wanted to visit me.She visited and the visit went very well.

We live about an hour apart.I caught the cold and developed a sinus and ear infection which I had for about 3 weeks.During this time I did not hear  from her and the second week she called

and said she was taking a vacation and she would like me to come but if I did not she was going by herself.I did not hear from her till last day of vacation when she called and said she wanted to stop on way back.

I said I was upset I had not heard from her.She became angry said nothing she did was good enough for me.We did not really argue.I just said it was the way I felt and that I was miserable being sick and isolated because

I did not want to give it to anyone else.She stayed about an hour we cuddled a while and she left after about an hour.We talked latter that week and she said we were seeing each other too much and should not be seeing each other

every week.We had something planned that weekend so we saw each other and got along very well.I then said when do you want to see each other again 2 weeks or 3 weeks? She said she wanted to see me every weekend.

But since that time she has been pulling a way We had called once or twice a week now no calls.She loves to cuddle we still do that but she seems to want sex less and less.She then said she was taking a vacation over the 4th by herself.

I mentioned that I felt that she had been pulling away She said she did not think she was.She asked why I would think she has been pulling away.I said I did not know and that it could be she was losing interest in the relationship or had found somebody new.

She became very angry over the someone new comment and that my lack of trust was a major problem.This  week she was supposed to spend the Friday thru Sunday with.me she called Thursday and said she was not coming because she was in a

bad mood and things would probably not go well.She said she was in a bad mood because I suggested meeting at  restaurant instead coming to her house first (I had really given her the option she chose to meet at restaurant).She  said the other reason was

She thought I would want sex and she did not because she was upset with me and that would lead to an argument(I am dissapointed when I want sex and she does not but it does not lead to arguments and I respect her wishes).

She then said she did not think things were going well between us.I asked her want she wanted in regard to a relationship. She said she did not know that we should "play it by ear".

I said maybe we should takes a couple of months off and connect again in Sept.She did not want to do that.I recommened  that  we mark on a calander when we would be together.She did not want to do that.I told her I did like the idea of her deciding

when we met as it was not fair to me and I was not going to do that.She got into the mode of "I cannot meet your needs,you deserve better than me  etc."She has this vacation planned for first week of July which will cover both weekends.

I then said maybe she was right and I would have a friend who lives next to her return her things.She called back and said she really wanted to see me next weekend as it was my birthday and she had a special gift for m

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[snowwhite]

Maybe you should ask yourself what you want out of a relationship with her. Why have you allowed her back into your life? Have you been seeking healthier relationships since you broke up years ago? Are you in a vulnerable place where she seems like the only option?

From what you have described, I do not think she is a good choice for a real relationship but the choice is yours?

[livednlearned]

Do you both have experience with DBT skills?

From the exchange, it seems like there is room for drawing on those skills. I know it's hard to do -- she could be in "emotion mind" and that triggers your own response, for example?