scarred4life
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3
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« on: May 24, 2016, 01:08:56 PM » |
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Although I don't want to ramble on, I've decided that I should at least write something here. After all, I found this board quite some time ago, and rather than just read, I thought I should at least write or contribute something.
My story:
I met her in 2011, through facebook. She was very attractive, bright, shiny, intelligent, and funny. I asked her to meet me out at a bar one night, she agreed. She was already at the bar when I got there, and apparently had already been drinking earlier. We're both mid to upper 40's. As I was coming in, a younger man was kissing her on the cheek like he new her on his way out. It seemed a little odd, but hey, I didn't know her. We sat at the bar and had a couple drinks, and the next thing I knew we were making out, right there at the bar. She was drinking wine, and ordered up a couple lemon drop shots. At this point she announced that she was drunk now. I offered to give her a ride home, and promised I would bring her back to her car the next day. She referenced something sexually freaky, and off we went, hand in hand. It felt really good, and I was proud to be walking with this beautiful, confident woman. I took her home, and she immediately went to the bathroom and started getting sick. I hung out in the living room while she was throwing up in the bathroom, til she came out and asked me if I was really going to take her to her car the next day, I assured her that I would. As I was there, I noticed she had a one bedroom apartment, very neat and organized, with assorted pictures of five different children hanging on the walls. I also noticed she had a large cache of generic laxatives falling out of her purse on the counter, which I thought nothing of at the time. I left for the night, and the next day I took her to her car.
We started dating and hanging out, all the while I had questions... .something was just not right. As a single Father, my two girls (mid twenties now), would call me pretty frequently. This would irritate her as time went on. When asked about her children, I always got vague answers, oh they're in another state, going to school, etc. The whole time we were together, she never called any of her five children, and only once did one call her. I later learned that she had five children, including a set of twins, from three different men, not including her most recent ex which was 25 years her senior.
The next date was fun, we again met at a bar, and had another makeout session, however, we did not go home together. Two dates, no sex yet. She had a digital camera and we took many pics that night. I found out later that she printed hardcopies of the pics, and pics from my facebook page, and erected a shrine at her office to me/us in her cubicle. I found this a little strange as we hardly new each other.
We started hanging out every day at her place. After the 3rd day in a row, I noticed she was drinking wine every singe day we hung out. When I asked her how much she drank, she got defensive and said 3-4 times a week, "why, whats wrong with that"? I said nothing is wrong with that, moderation is great. We began having sex. She was a sex machine, like I'd never experienced, with an insatiable appetite. Very aggressive sexually. This was fine, as I am a freak as well.
She talked of a man out of state. A big shot in the racing world. She called him "the serial killer". She stated that he had taken her to a camping resort and tried to hang her by the neck in a cabin in the woods. He would text her daily, and it upset her. I also found it odd that she had two cell phones, never found out the reason for that. Eventually he stopped texting as time went on.
I'm a musician, and a popular one in the region. Not a rock star or major recording artist. I started bringing her with me to gigs. She started getting jealous of other women. One time I took her to a gig, and a female friend of mine was there with her boyfriend. She is a motorcycle rider, and was featured in a biker magazine. We were old friends, and she gave me a copy. I took the magazine out of the bar I was playing in, and wanted to put it in my vehicle to take it home. My uBPD gf grabbed it out of my hands, accused me of wanting to masturbate to my friends pics in the magazine, and threw it in the middle of the busy street in front of the bar... .whoa!
I had a business trip planned to Vegas, I took her with me. She was very fussy and argumentative on the plane, as she stated she does not like flying. We made it in one piece, and I noticed she switched from drinking wine every day to vodka and club soda. Every day. I had an issue with that, as I do not want to drink every day, and I can't stand to see someone drink alone, so I would join her. It wasn't good vodka either, it was SKOL, the cheapest rot gut vodka you can buy around here. We went to dinner with corporate executives, and she just wanted to fight at dinner, did not care who was there or anything, just making a scene anyway. I was quite bewildered. The next day we moved from the strip to old downtown, business meetings were over and it was party time, which we did plenty of.
She moved into my house.
I noticed that she didn't have any regular friends, or any close friends at all. She drank every single day, and, was also addicted to laxatives. One night she accused me of wanting another woman, and I looked at her and told her that I do not like big, fat women, and that she is wrong about that. That is when she went to the weight loss doctor, as she then perceived herself as overweight, and lost a sizeable amount of weight in the coming weeks. All the while still drinking every day, and taking laxatives.
I started finding bottles of SKOL vodka hidden around the house. She would take two empty water bottles and fill them with vodka and club soda and take those to work with her each day, bringing them home empty. One day the toilet would not stop running, and jiggling the handle would not make it stop. I took the top off the toilet, only to find a bottle of, yep, SKOL vodka in the toilet tank!
The jealousy started getting really bad. She took me to a concert for my birthday. :)uring the concert, a woman stood up ten rows ahead, and I got poked in the ribs "do you like what you see"? I knew she was talking about the woman who stood up. Things got worse from there. She started accusing me of cheating. Then the anger took over. I could not understand why she was so angry all the time, outbursts could come at any time, for any reason, or no reason at all.
Now I noticed a fellow musician always showing up at my gigs. It was obvious he was there for her, and not me and my band, as I also played with other bands and he was always there. They became close friends, I found out later she was smearing me, triangulating with this guy, along with another guy that would come to the shows. I was standing behind her on break at a gig, and saw her write a text to the first guy saying "I love you". I called her out on it and another scene/fight ensued.
The next gig was across town, about an hour away. "The guy" was there, of course. I invited a friend of mine to sit in, so I could go back to the sound board and give a listen to the mix. She did not notice me getting up off the stage, and I walked to the back of the room. I watched her give "the guy" a sexy, very inappropriate table dance from the back of the room. I didn't do anything at the time. Went back to the stage and finished the show. On the way home, I told her what I had scene, she denied it at first, and I pressed the issue saying I saw you. Keep in mind, its 3am, we are an hour away from home, I'm driving on the Interstate, its raining heavy, and she punches me right in the face, causing the van to swerve, almost killed us both. The first thing she does is call "the guy" to tell him what had just happened. Bewildered again!
By this time I was miserable and walking on eggshells in my own home. I never knew if Jekyll or Hyde would show up when she got home from work. She began shutting herself in an office area I made for her, and constantly on the computer. She insisted that I moved into another bedroom in the house, which I did.
At this point, she blamed all of our problems on drinking, which was the common denominator in all of our troubles. I said ok, and I quit drinking, totally. I went to AA meetings. She did not stop drinking at all, just kept on with it. She had ME convinced that I was an alcoholic and needed to stop, however, she did not stop. At this point we weren't even talking to each other, I was miserable. I tried talking to her, I wanted to let her know how bad I felt, and how I had become a shadow of my former self. No getting through to her. I tried to help her, no dice. It was at this point that through research, I became to believe that she had BPD. Gaslighting, projection, manipulation, abuse, I couldn't go anywhere without her, if I did, she would show up there. She had changed her appearance, image to match what she thought I wanted, unstable moods, intense anger, alcohol and cocaine abuse, paranoid of everybody including me, I could cite examples of all this, it would take so many pages here. The only thing I never saw from BPD criteria was suicide or self mutiliation. I never knew what projection was, she was always the pot calling the kettle black. "He who smelt it dealt it". All day long.
One night I came home from an AA meeting, and she was very angry. I walked in the house, she grabbed me by the hair and dragged me down to the floor, and put me in a scissors with her legs. She always thought I was recording her, so she made it sound like I was beating her up, instead of what was really going on. I could not believe it. I have long hair, and she was ripping it out, and it hurt. I grabbed her hand to try and free my hair, and I could feel and hear her thumb snap. She acted like it didn't phase her. I ran out the front door. She picked up her cell phone (she was constantly stealing my phone and hiding it, or smashing it) and called the cops and said "please come quick, my boyfriend just beat me up". I later found out that this was a fake call, she didnt really call them, but I knew that if they came and I was there, that I was going to jail. She is a bright, shiny, beautiful woman, and I am a long haired man with a beard. I got in my van and went to a friends house across town. The next day I came back to my house and got all my pictures, my drums, and my dogs while she was at work. I stayed with friends until she moved out of my house, and in with her ex husband about a month later. Yeah, had to leave my own house.
As the months went by, I was charmed a few times, I'm ashamed to admit, and would still see her from time to time for sex. She ended up moving out of her ex husband's place, into another place, and eventually was fired from her job for alcohol on the job. She worked for a high profile Doctor's office. She then started a GoFundme account, got people to give her money, and moved out of state. I haven't talked to her for about two years. The pain remains. There is more to this story, as my first post, I just wanted to hit the main points, I realize its a lengthy post. Thanks everybody, this board has been very helpful, although I have a very long way to go.
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