This board saved my sanity

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I'm in love for more then 4 years with a BPD girl. During this time after the Honeymoon phase ended we tried to break it up countless time without successes. Every time we were apart i BECAME 100% obsessed with her could't fall in love with someone else and just wanted her back coz I thought that I will find the secret formula to be with her till I die.

Last breakup (4 weeks ago) seemed real, I asked her to leave the house and planned to go NC forever, during those 4 weeks I became a shadow of myself EVERYTHING reminds me of her, All the girls I see look fake and ugley, I keep imagine her (Graphically... .) with Sex gods telling them how better they are in comparison to me, I can't sleep, and just feel sick and useless So NC gone to contact and now we are texting and charming each other using texts and phone calls... .I mostly feel alone without her but not alone like in other breakups, Everything is so different with her even when she is not around

Two things keeps me going and one of them is this board that I was happy to find since while I thought I was the only one who got so crazy over this I found so many similar stories here that made me feel belong to a community and gave me sane perspective to what's going on So thank you all for sharing your life with BPD here, it really helps

The other thing I find comfort in is Music. In particular I found out that the Album "Brothers" by The Black keys was written after a BPD breakup and listening to it helps me as well So if I could give something back to this support group is the advice to listen to this album and I wish you all a Healthy love life

This Song from the album I really like:

Never gonna give you up

Now matter how you treat me

Never gonna give you up

So don't you think of leaving

Girl you treat me bad

And I know why

I've seen you running around with another guy

And you think if you hurt me

Then I'd go away

But I've made up my mind

You know I'm here to stay

Never gonna give you up

Now matter how you treat me

Never gonna give you up

So don't you think I'm leaving

Baby don't you understand

What you're doing to the man?

Do you see these tears?

They're in my eyes

There's no use in lying

'Cause I really cried

You think you're gonna take me

And put me on the shelf

I'd rather die

Than see you with somebody else

Never gonna give you up

Now matter how you treat me

Never gonna give you up

So don't you think of leaving

Baby don't you understand

What you're doing to the man

Well my friends all say

That I'm your fool

And you're using me

Like a carpenter using a tool

I know their intentions

Were all very good

Some of them would help me

If they could

But I'm

Never gonna give you up

Now matter how you treat me

Never gonna give you up

So don't you think of leaving

Baby don't you understand

What you're doing to the man

Never gonna give you up

Now matter how you treat me

Never gonna give you up

So don't you think of leaving


All the album, lyrics are here:

www.azlyrics.com/b/blackkeys.html  (scroll for the Brother album)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VThUBlTUn0Y&list=PLhrglt2nmIGiKUmjreDI-dG4MgsI9CuRd (Full album on YT)





   

[TheSinister]

I'm in love for more then 4 years with a BPD girl. During this time after the Honeymoon phase ended we tried to break it up countless time without successes. Every time we were apart i BECAME 100% obsessed with her could't fall in love with someone else and just wanted her back coz I thought that I will find the secret formula to be with her till I die.

Last breakup (4 weeks ago) seemed real, I asked her to leave the house and planned to go NC forever, during those 4 weeks I became a shadow of myself EVERYTHING reminds me of her, All the girls I see look fake and ugley, I keep imagine her (Graphically... .) with Sex gods telling them how better they are in comparison to me, I can't sleep, and just feel sick and useless So NC gone to contact and now we are texting and charming each other using texts and phone calls... .I mostly feel alone without her but not alone like in other breakups, Everything is so different with her even when she is not around

Two things keeps me going and one of them is this board that I was happy to find since while I thought I was the only one who got so crazy over this I found so many similar stories here that made me feel belong to a community and gave me sane perspective to what's going on So thank you all for sharing your life with BPD here, it really helps

The other thing I find comfort in is Music. In particular I found out that the Album "Brothers" by The Black keys was written after a BPD breakup and listening to it helps me as well So if I could give something back to this support group is the advice to listen to this album and I wish you all a Healthy love life

This Song from the album I really like:

Never gonna give you up

Now matter how you treat me

Never gonna give you up

So don't you think of leaving

Girl you treat me bad

And I know why

I've seen you running around with another guy

And you think if you hurt me

Then I'd go away

But I've made up my mind

You know I'm here to stay

Never gonna give you up

Now matter how you treat me

Never gonna give you up

So don't you think I'm leaving

Baby don't you understand

What you're doing to the man?

Do you see these tears?

They're in my eyes

There's no use in lying

'Cause I really cried

You think you're gonna take me

And put me on the shelf

I'd rather die

Than see you with somebody else

Never gonna give you up

Now matter how you treat me

Never gonna give you up

So don't you think of leaving

Baby don't you understand

What you're doing to the man

Well my friends all say

That I'm your fool

And you're using me

Like a carpenter using a tool

I know their intentions

Were all very good

Some of them would help me

If they could

But I'm

Never gonna give you up

Now matter how you treat me

Never gonna give you up

So don't you think of leaving

Baby don't you understand

What you're doing to the man

Never gonna give you up

Now matter how you treat me

Never gonna give you up

So don't you think of leaving


All the album, lyrics are here:

www.azlyrics.com/b/blackkeys.html  (scroll for the Brother album)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VThUBlTUn0Y&list=PLhrglt2nmIGiKUmjreDI-dG4MgsI9CuRd (Full album on YT)





   

[Leonis]

Hi The Sinister!

Sorry to read about your experience. But, now is the time for yourself and celebrate your freedom from an unhealthy relationship.

While you should feel bad for her, you should never feel bad about yourself. Just remember that you've done much to help keep you two afloat and there's nothing more you can do when the person with BPD/Traits/Undiagnosed, etc. refuses to seek help to alleviate her chaotic tendencies.

I was involved with such woman for 1.5 year. I recently had the determination to move on after an incident involving her family hounding me over a post over Facebook. I realized that the entire family is dysfunctional, I just choose to ignore the red flags for a long time, thinking that they were just misunderstood.

I honestly do feel bad for my ex. However, I learned that I can't deal with people who have emotional issues and use them to purposely create extra stress in a relationship in the most absurd way possible.

[C.Stein]

Hello,   

The never ending struggle to understand what has happened to us in these types of relationships can be one of the most difficult journeys within ourselves we  will ever take.  It is a journey worth taking though as the lessons we can learn about ourselves and what we need to find a healthy relationship will benefit us for the rest of our lives. 

What does that song mean to you?  What does it say about yourself and a relationship with a borderline?

[TheSinister]

Hello,   

What does that song mean to you?  What does it say about yourself and a relationship with a borderline?

Hey there and thanks for replying:-) I guess this song is pretty straight forward, She got under my skin, I don't know what to do or who I am without her, No matter how many bad days you have you just keep back for more like a mad cycle that you just can't stop. I believe that something different posses you during the Honeymoon phase, Something deeper then sex or kisses, and after it's gone all you want is to get it back that's why we can't let go.

[C.Stein]

This is what I see in that song.  

A person who has accepted the role of lapdog, waiting for a morsel of kindness and love between the periods of abuse and neglect.  All self-esteem and self-respect are gone.  It defines a miserable existence of watching the one you love repeatedly hurt and disrespect you, treating you with complete lack of any love or caring until she is ready to throw you a bone.

I don't think anyone would willing want to live like this.  What do you think?

[HoneyB33]

This song will make you cry, but I think it's a good thing to see for yourself. That you gotta find out who you are without this person. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9QNRvXH1HI

Also, I think the real reason we are drawn to these ppl isn't really because of them. I think it's that we are drawn to ourselves. We find acceptance or "respect" or appreciation that we have never felt before. This isn't harsh though, this is really hopeful to me because I realize that in as horrible as this relationship has been on my life, it's lead me to something I have been deeply searching for. They do not hold the power to this, they only set a stage that you came and danced upon. A place where you finally got to see yourself. I loved my ex deeply, but I think the truth is (for me) that I loved the "permission" I finally felt with her. That's mine to have, not something she gave me. She was only the stage.

[HarleypsychRN]

This is what I see in that song.  

A person who has accepted the role of lapdog, waiting for a morsel of kindness and love between the periods of abuse and neglect.  All self-esteem and self-respect are gone.  It defines a miserable existence of watching the one you love repeatedly hurt and disrespect you, treating you with complete lack of any love or caring until she is ready to throw you a bone.

I don't think anyone would willing want to live like this.  What do you think?

Very, very well said... .if someone (anyone) takes away your dignity or makes you feel less than you were before you went into the relationship, it is a big red flag. In my case, once I realized the extent of her illness, I refused to be treated like that. Once I brought this up for discussion, she left the same day, never to be heard from again.

It hurt, it was hard losing her, but in the end once you lick your wounds, you are so much better for having stood up for yourself.

[Leonis]

In my case, once I realized the extent of her illness, I refused to be treated like that. Once I brought this up for discussion, she left the same day, never to be heard from again.

It hurt, it was hard losing her, but in the end once you lick your wounds, you are so much better for having stood up for yourself.

That was the hardest thing for me. I knew something was off with her, but I keep telling myself she would get better. Things eventually escalated to the point that I decided to cut all ties with her and her family save it for email in case something legal may pop out in the future.

It was very difficult for me to wrap my mind around the fact that I was basically chosen to be her next emotional experiment. She did many good things for me, but when the waves of emotional abuse come, I found myself telling me that I am simply not good enough, which is not true at all.