Light at the end of the tunnel

[DreamerGirl]

I am back.  Back to feeling alive.

I was discarded, thrown away like a piece of trash.  This was 10 weeks ago.  I didn't know how I would get through this.

I have and if I can, then if your are in this place where there is no closure, they have just left you in limbo, well, I want to share, you can have closure. 

I was in a lot of emotional pain.  I didn't see a way out of this, how do you have closure when after 4.5 years a person who you loved more than life and who proclaimed the same for you, just disappears.

It's hard and I have cried so many tears and experienced the grief cycle. Especially the bargaining... .

The change for me, which didn't happen overnight, was I realised that he didn't hold the key for me for closure.  This magic key, was in my hands.

I needed to close the door.  I needed to say it was over, I was never going to open the door to him again.  It took me a few weeks, to fully shut that door.  He had chances when he could have even kicked that door open to my heart... .but time has been the best healer.

This door, that I closed, then locked, then padlocked is shut forever to him.  I know I'm quite out of the woods yet, I still have moments of pure weakness and sadness for him... .this will pass.  He will never be welcome in my life again. 

[heartandwhole]

This door, that I closed, then locked, then padlocked is shut forever to him.  I know I'm quite out of the woods yet, I still have moments of pure weakness and sadness for him... .this will pass.  He will never be welcome in my life again. 

Hi Dreamergirl,

Really letting go of someone or something opens up a space in you that can be filled with something new; something that can bring you joy and/or peace. I'm happy for you. I know it is a hard, hard road, but the growth can be exponential.

Keep loving yourself fiercely—you deserve goodness and happiness. 

heartandwhole

[C.Stein]

I was discarded, thrown away like a piece of trash.  This was 10 weeks ago.  I didn't know how I would get through this.

I was in very much the same place.  Replaced then thrown away and ghosted 4 months later.  The manner in which this all happened caused profound emotional pain and damage within me.  As I have moved through the emotional aftermath this lack of "closure" has kept the wound open.

I needed to close the door.  I needed to say it was over, I was never going to open the door to him again.  It took me a few weeks, to fully shut that door.  He had chances when he could have even kicked that door open to my heart... .but time has been the best healer.

Closing the door, so to speak, does help to point you in the right direction.  To come to this decision regarding someone you love so deeply may very well be one of the hardest decisions you will ever make.  It takes a lot of internal strength to do this and you should be proud of yourself for taking this step.  Life is too short to allow people who treat you will a fundamental lack of respect and caring to be part of it.  I think for many of us the hardest thing is seeing this, not making excuses or taking blame for the behavior of our ex's.  When we find ourselves saying ... .most of the time he/she treated me with respect and caring ... .well most of the time isn't good enough. 

Stay strong and faced in the right direction.

[patientandclear]

DG, I've followed your saga.  My hat is off to you.  I think you're right about the secret ingredient, which is setting all the mixed feelings and sadness and confusion and wishing-it-were-otherwise off to the side, facing the facts (as it were) about how it in fact IS, and then making a decision ourselves to want not to do that anymore.

It's hard but it is ours.  And it is based in reality, not dysfunctional longing and wishful thinking or revenge taking or manipulation or game playing or performing for love or any of the other dynamics that can drive decision-making in these relationships.

I'm making the same decision but without quite as much conviction as your post contains, so you are setting a great example.  Thank you for posting.