overwhelmed and dont know where to begin

[loosingit07]

I am a mother of a 17-year-old boy who has been this way since day one.  I am mortified that he is 17 and I am just now realizing that this is a "thing" a disease and not just the behavior of a teenage boy going through phases in life.  I fear that I am getting into this too late.  Since he has been old enough to know what attention is he has needed it. All of it. All the time.  When he was 12 is when I began to see patterns, such as lying about social media, playing games online that were highly violint and addictive, later came exploring the other sex, and creating situations online that were not true.  At 14 came drug use, cutting, again making up this horribly tortured life he lived in and  unloving relationship with his father that did not exist. Suicidal tendencies was next at 15/16, although his cutting was so minor... .litterally, for attention from others. When we confronted him it was though it was like ok. yes, I was but now I'm not. no biggy... .like I'm good now, no need to give this another thought, like it never happened.  How were we supposed to act? you just said you were going to kill yourself and put it on social media? Reaction was. yea, I am fine now... .  Next was I am gay. He had started hanging out with a group of other boys and girls that as a parent could see this was nothing but the popular thing to do... .We got past that.  Nevermind, I thought I was.  Now I know I am not and was fine for a while.  His outbreaks usually happens when he is not involved in sports, community events or some type of involvement that gives him constant praise and glorification.  I did notice this, but just chalked it up to his never-ending need for attention. His most recent, He is now bi, he is again hanging out with a group of "so called lesbians" who give him constant praise and attention.  Probably because they secretly have a crush on him.  I have seen them interact and it is painfully obvious.  But as usual he is so wrapped up in his self he just doesn't care what kind of attention as long as it is attention.  His patterns are this.  He will go from worshiping a person or one of his teachers/coaches to hating them because they disagreed with him or did not award him with the award he thought he was deserving.  There is no grey line with him, he either hates you with everything or loves you with everything he has.  I am fine with his sexual preference if it is in, fact HIS sexual preference.  This time, it is different, He has now taken on all the personality traits that the average L/G society believes. Posting opinionated propaganda about abortion, liberal rights, L/G rights, etc. etc.  But if you question him he has no information to back it up except for what he has copied and pasted from someone else's site or wall.  He is extremely intelligent, in the top ten of his class, very involved in the community and anyone that has ever met him (and not spent extensive time with him) would and does say what a perfect, well-behaved, intelligent, mannerable young man.  He is all these things and more.  It is very hard to believe anything he says because he has been all over the place every year since 12 and claimed to be gay, no straight, now bi,  He has one friend in his life that is constant.  The rest (best friends) come and go without thought.  If they cross him they are gone. no discussion.  no loveloss. He has no loyalty to anyone.  If it means directing trouble away from him he is too willing to throw whomever under the bus.  We have come to grips with the fact that we have a problem... .now what? Do I sit him down and explain this to him?  I feel like he is in dangerous territory with experimentation into the Gay world.  He has no fear of what could happen, he has no fear of anyone being superior to him... .this is terrifying for a mother.  please help. so confused

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Mutt]

Hi loosingit07,



I'm sorry to hear that you're going through that. I can see how confusing, frustrating and emotionally exausting when a loved one suffers from BPD. Generally BPD is not diagnosed with adolescents because of black and white thinking, teenagers don't see the grey areas and see the extremes.

That being said, it could be attention, maybe he's mirroring. A pwBPD lack a stable sense of self and have chronic feelings of emptiness and don't know who they are and can be chameleon and may not have long term goals, change careers frequently and sometimes sexual preference.

Read as much as you can about BPD, you will quickly see the benefits and become proficient over time. Many of our members here can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. You're not alone. I will leave you with a link of mirroring behavior.

BPD BEHAVIORS: Mirroring

[Gorges]

IF it gives you any comfort the world has rapidly changed and I don't think a child being gay is as scary (fearing for their safety) as it once was. My son (his older sister brought me to this board) came out to us in 8th grade. I couldn't be more proud of him. He is kind and thoughtful. He made some other gay friends in high school and they come over to our house and trust me are a lot more sane than other adolescents.

[Bright Day Mom]

I am the mom of a diagnosed BPD16d.  I agree with past posts, many drs won't dx adolescents with BPD; however, you as his mom know him best and after doing research reading may be able to confirm. 

Your son's sexual orientation is not the main concern here. There are LGBT clubs in many middle / high schools these days where kids can feel safe and accepted.

His posting suicidal thoughts / cutting (safety is) paramount.   

You have nothing to lose to educate yourself, immerse yourself in everything you can get your hands on. A good place to start is on this site... .lots of articles, videos, and experiences. You can learn how validation is an integral part of communication and many skills that will assist you in the day-to-day. 

You are not alone there are many people walking similar paths.   Stay strong.

[Brokenmother]

Correct me if I am wrong, but I think you were bringing up the issue of your sons sexuality to site the inconsistentsies and how this was confusing and led you to believe he may have BPD. I found your post and it was like reading my own life with my daughter 14,BPD and conduct disorder. She told us she was gay 2 years ago. A year ago she told us she was trans and pan-sexual. 9 months ago she was asexual. 6 months ago bisexual. Then she started dressing like a girl again and wearing makeup and got a boyfriend without us knowing. It was confusing to me only because it changed so quickly, as quickly as the many diagnosis she was "collecting" from the doctors until they finally figured out she had BPD and was reading psychology articles online to try and fake other mental illnesses for attention and hospital stays.