My BPD experience

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi everyone!

I've been following this site for a month and found great support after a break up with my BPDbf of 3 years. It is a relief to know I'm not the only one going trough the sad ending of BPD love story

My story is similar to so many others here. Love at first sight, incredible chemistry and after a month we were already living together. A perfect beginning and then an emotional roller coaster with a partner who tried to calm down his feelings with weed. At first I thought it was an addiction making him so unstable but slowly discovered that his behavior was the same even after abstinence. After 2 years of r-s I started researching his mental issues and found a perfect description of his personality in BPD. I wasted another year trying to persuade him to get a therapy and figuring out what was wrong with me when I finally made the right decision. I left him (actually it took me 2 months of negotiations to get him out of my appartement) and entered a therapy.

Leaving him was the hardest decision ever and it took me long time to finally reach this point. I didn't want to make the same mistake and take him back and this time I succeeded because he let out all his rage on me (like so many times before), became hostile to me and painted me black. Couple of weeks after a break up I made a mistake and appeared at his work (when he wasn't even there) and he reacted violently. He came to my home at night, where he threatened and insulted me. After that I stayed NC and never responded when he was trying to reach me. He was even driving around my home every evening 2months ago. Last week he contacted a friend of mine to buy something for "a female friend" even though he hasn't talked to my friend for more than 2 years and knew very well that I was in touch with her all the time - I guess it was just to let me know, that he was doing fine without me.

It hurts, it really does. I think he did love me (in his sick way) and I loved him deeply but I wasn't able to go on with his rage, his conflicts with everybody and his abusive behaviour to me. And because I'm dealing now with my past, my abusive FOO, I find myself even more vulnerable to his machinations. I spent so much time dealing with his drama I wasn't even able to study for my phd last two years of relationship. It was always rage, always something I did wrong and constant stress. And then a few beautiful moments just to forget all the bad stuff. And after we broke up it was even worse for me, I was having PTSD for awhile.

I guess a part of me still wishes he would get help. I know he won't unless he breaks down completely. But on the other hand I'm not sure if I could ever gain trust after all the lies and manipulations. And I'm sure now I would never tolerate such behaviour again. I know I am to idealistic because I am wishing him a recovery and he is still in denial about his mental state (though he realises he has problems).

But at the moment it helps me a lot just focusing on myself and working on my issues. And when I'm starting to miss him I check this board just to remind me of all of his craziness.

I just wanted to say that I find many useful informations and references on this board regarding not only BPD but also codependency and I am glad that I was able (with your help) to finally make sense of my turbulent relationship.

[matejca]

Hi everyone!

I've been following this site for a month and found great support after a break up with my BPDbf of 3 years. It is a relief to know I'm not the only one going trough the sad ending of BPD love story

My story is similar to so many others here. Love at first sight, incredible chemistry and after a month we were already living together. A perfect beginning and then an emotional roller coaster with a partner who tried to calm down his feelings with weed. At first I thought it was an addiction making him so unstable but slowly discovered that his behavior was the same even after abstinence. After 2 years of r-s I started researching his mental issues and found a perfect description of his personality in BPD. I wasted another year trying to persuade him to get a therapy and figuring out what was wrong with me when I finally made the right decision. I left him (actually it took me 2 months of negotiations to get him out of my appartement) and entered a therapy.

Leaving him was the hardest decision ever and it took me long time to finally reach this point. I didn't want to make the same mistake and take him back and this time I succeeded because he let out all his rage on me (like so many times before), became hostile to me and painted me black. Couple of weeks after a break up I made a mistake and appeared at his work (when he wasn't even there) and he reacted violently. He came to my home at night, where he threatened and insulted me. After that I stayed NC and never responded when he was trying to reach me. He was even driving around my home every evening 2months ago. Last week he contacted a friend of mine to buy something for "a female friend" even though he hasn't talked to my friend for more than 2 years and knew very well that I was in touch with her all the time - I guess it was just to let me know, that he was doing fine without me.

It hurts, it really does. I think he did love me (in his sick way) and I loved him deeply but I wasn't able to go on with his rage, his conflicts with everybody and his abusive behaviour to me. And because I'm dealing now with my past, my abusive FOO, I find myself even more vulnerable to his machinations. I spent so much time dealing with his drama I wasn't even able to study for my phd last two years of relationship. It was always rage, always something I did wrong and constant stress. And then a few beautiful moments just to forget all the bad stuff. And after we broke up it was even worse for me, I was having PTSD for awhile.

I guess a part of me still wishes he would get help. I know he won't unless he breaks down completely. But on the other hand I'm not sure if I could ever gain trust after all the lies and manipulations. And I'm sure now I would never tolerate such behaviour again. I know I am to idealistic because I am wishing him a recovery and he is still in denial about his mental state (though he realises he has problems).

But at the moment it helps me a lot just focusing on myself and working on my issues. And when I'm starting to miss him I check this board just to remind me of all of his craziness.

I just wanted to say that I find many useful informations and references on this board regarding not only BPD but also codependency and I am glad that I was able (with your help) to finally make sense of my turbulent relationship.

[Herodias]

Welcome to the "club"... .not a fun one to have to have joined, but at least you can find valuable advice here. Sorry you went through what you did. Your story is allot like mine only I did it longer- 9 years. I went back after figuring it out too... .He would not stick with any help. Sad to say... .as much as I loved the good side of him, the bad was overwhelming. I was just reading some text messages between the two of us over the past year that I needed to send to my lawyer. It was exhausting just to read them. As painful as it is, you have made the right choice... .you can only learn from it now and move on to a better life if you continue to make right choices... .best wishes.