Can somebody hear me

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi guys!

Hope I can get some encouragement here. My ex BPD BF and I broke up nearly 8 months ago. I broke things off because I couldn't take the ups and downs anymore, verbal and emotional abuse, and ongoing secrecy and lies. ( cheating) I was at my rose end. He pleaded not end things, apologized, raged, etc but I was shut down for months. ( PTSD) .

He begged to be friends afterward, and finally relented because I still loved him. The " friendship" has been unequal... A replay of the relationship without physical intimacy long distance with passive aggression, hot and hot and cold behaviors, with " formal communication.

Not 1 day has passed I haven't thought ABt him. I believe he did try ... and said " I'm just trying to be your friend as best I can. I communicated firm boundaries, I was not interested in anything less, than being real, with honesty. ( he would never allow true intimacy to develop while dating.

A few weeks ago, I once again had to end things, even as in friendship... when I found out from others months later, he was a player ...

He initially stated he wanted a real relationship with someone closer to his age... ( although he was still 5 years older than me. At one time, while dating he blurted out he couldn't commit to me, because I was too old! ( contradicting what he originally said). I was shocked and hurt, after he came on like block busters, demanding I commit to him, or he would look elsewhere.

This was all so confusing to me, I felt crazy. He blamed his push pull behavior on me, an manipulated me into apologizing... due to the pressure he inflicted. The crazy part is I'm a strong woman... and can't believe I was manipulated into this pressure , but this was after he wooed me, and romanced me to falling in love.

Now my little dog is dying., I want to reach out... But know I need to stay no contact. ( he loved my little dog ).

Recently, after blocking him... ( I know he put his friend up to contacting me). I get multiple initiating from his best friend... To connect thru social media. I feel he using his best friend to get to me indirectly.

I had just gotton so strong... going no contact... and Boom! He can't get to me from my blocking him, and I know he put his friend up to this . I allowed the friend to become a contact, mainly out of curiosity.

After trivial conversations with friend, I warned his friend not to let ex use him to get to get to me.

I told his friend I was done with ex... Friend texted back, he was sorry things didn't work out with his friend and me, but he always loved my company... when I was around .,( he was often the third wheel going places with us)

Someone please help me understand why he is doing this. He knows my little dog is in last stage of canine cancer... I feel a mess, and haven't dated anyone seriously since our split.

Any insight is greatly appreciated.i want his comfort... But know he has made no changes ... Still chasing women online to date. The worst part is a person who knows him recently said he has slept with half of women on a particular website. This only compounded my hurt...   and all those feelings of betrayal have resurfaced... I'm very hurt, by this ... Compounded with dying pup... What say u? Is this a charm? Thanks Thanks!

[Roselily]

Hi guys!

Hope I can get some encouragement here. My ex BPD BF and I broke up nearly 8 months ago. I broke things off because I couldn't take the ups and downs anymore, verbal and emotional abuse, and ongoing secrecy and lies. ( cheating) I was at my rose end. He pleaded not end things, apologized, raged, etc but I was shut down for months. ( PTSD) .

He begged to be friends afterward, and finally relented because I still loved him. The " friendship" has been unequal... A replay of the relationship without physical intimacy long distance with passive aggression, hot and hot and cold behaviors, with " formal communication.

Not 1 day has passed I haven't thought ABt him. I believe he did try ... and said " I'm just trying to be your friend as best I can. I communicated firm boundaries, I was not interested in anything less, than being real, with honesty. ( he would never allow true intimacy to develop while dating.

A few weeks ago, I once again had to end things, even as in friendship... when I found out from others months later, he was a player ...

He initially stated he wanted a real relationship with someone closer to his age... ( although he was still 5 years older than me. At one time, while dating he blurted out he couldn't commit to me, because I was too old! ( contradicting what he originally said). I was shocked and hurt, after he came on like block busters, demanding I commit to him, or he would look elsewhere.

This was all so confusing to me, I felt crazy. He blamed his push pull behavior on me, an manipulated me into apologizing... due to the pressure he inflicted. The crazy part is I'm a strong woman... and can't believe I was manipulated into this pressure , but this was after he wooed me, and romanced me to falling in love.

Now my little dog is dying., I want to reach out... But know I need to stay no contact. ( he loved my little dog ).

Recently, after blocking him... ( I know he put his friend up to contacting me). I get multiple initiating from his best friend... To connect thru social media. I feel he using his best friend to get to me indirectly.

I had just gotton so strong... going no contact... and Boom! He can't get to me from my blocking him, and I know he put his friend up to this . I allowed the friend to become a contact, mainly out of curiosity.

After trivial conversations with friend, I warned his friend not to let ex use him to get to get to me.

I told his friend I was done with ex... Friend texted back, he was sorry things didn't work out with his friend and me, but he always loved my company... when I was around .,( he was often the third wheel going places with us)

Someone please help me understand why he is doing this. He knows my little dog is in last stage of canine cancer... I feel a mess, and haven't dated anyone seriously since our split.

Any insight is greatly appreciated.i want his comfort... But know he has made no changes ... Still chasing women online to date. The worst part is a person who knows him recently said he has slept with half of women on a particular website. This only compounded my hurt...   and all those feelings of betrayal have resurfaced... I'm very hurt, by this ... Compounded with dying pup... What say u? Is this a charm? Thanks Thanks!

[Larmoyant]

I can hear you Roselily and I can relate to all of what you wrote, including the sadness and heartbreak about your little pup. 

I’ll tell you a story. March 2015 my ex and I were in a ‘broken up’ period when my little dog suddenly became ill. He was very sympathetic, and offered support and cash to help her. I was short of money, but wanting desperately to keep her alive. In an attempt to keep her comfortable she underwent a procedure which he offered to pay for. Ten minutes prior to picking her up from the vet I called him and he said he would call them to arrange payment. I drove to the vets but they hadn’t heard from him. They tried calling him with no luck leaving me waiting in the surgery for 30 minutes or so. By this stage I was in tears as the policy at the vet was to keep your pet if you couldn’t pay. They tried contacting him again. Still no luck. I rang my mother in desperation and she paid some of the bill. They took pity on me and because she was so ill let me take her home.

When I eventually got hold of him he made up an excuse that he didn’t hear the phone. Complete and utter BS. I told him never to speak to me again. He, however, ignored that, contacted me again telling me I’d overreacted and said he'd left his phone in the bathroom but would deposit the money for vet bill into my account. On the basis of this I arranged to pay for further treatment, however, the money never materialised. By this stage my poor little dog became worse and unfortunately, she didn’t make it. He called me again expressing sadness and said he’d made a mistake, pressed the wrong key or something and so the money hadn’t gone into my account. The money materialised into my account two or three days after she died. Less than half of what he promised.

I was so upset. He basically added to my pain and this made losing my little dog even more painful. It was one of the most heartbreaking moments in my life and I felt crushed when I should have felt supported.

I know your ex is different, but from what you wrote the similiarities are there including PTSD, dating sites and sleeping with half of the women on there. Don’t reach out to him for comfort. Reach out to others instead, family and close friends.  There’s potential here that he will compound your pain. Really don’t risk it.

I’m so sorry about your little pup. I still miss mine every single day.   

[gotbushels]

Hi Roselily  

I'm sorry to hear about the difficulty you've been going through. It sounds like it's been very tough for you after separation, especially after thinking about him every day.

I broke things off because I couldn't take the ups and downs anymore, verbal and emotional abuse, and ongoing secrecy and lies. ( cheating) I was at my rose end. He pleaded not end things, apologized, raged, etc but I was shut down for months. ( PTSD) .

Abuse, lies, begging, and raging. This sounds horrible and unhealthy for anyone to be put through.

Let's focus on you okay? Healthy--you can do it!

I feel a mess, and haven't dated anyone seriously since our split.

I encourage you to have hope. It's not a big deal if you don't have an unending chain of boyfriends.

What say u?

I say a question. What else do you enjoy and have fun with besides a relationship Roselily? I like to run, explore, and go out with friends during the day.

Regarding your dog Roselily--I've kept animals most of my life--here's one way you can look at it. I say this with full and due respect to you. I think it clears the picture. If you contact your ex, he:

• May get some happiness by saying goodbye to your dog;



• Will probably continue with his "Abuse, lies, begging, and raging" at you per usual;



• Can take advantage of your vulnerability;



• Probably wants some sex out of you;



• Can probably sex other women while dating you (cheating, like he's proved he can do); and



• Can stick to you for a few more months.

Wow that's quite a meal you're preparing for him. Six courses with entrees and dessert. Are you prepared to give him these valuable benefits?

Roselily is in charge of Roselily's happiness. It's a serious decision Roselily. But whatever you choose--I won't judge you and I still respect you as a person. Take heart, you can figure this out:)

I hope you find some rest:)