Is it normal to feel guilty?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I've been doing everything to distract myself from thinking of her, and I know I've done nothing in reality to hurt her. I'm even starting a new job tomorrow to occupy my time and not dwell on her. But my mind keeps going back to her saying I didn't treat her good and how it's all my fault.

One day out of the blue she just started telling me she needed space.  and it only got worse from there, after that it wasn't long until she started saying that I was a toxic person and she didn't want to be with me anymore. This isn't even true, I treated her really good. And she used to tell me how good I was to her. she would say "I love you because you really try." and after her disregulating started she would say "you're trying too hard" makes no since. It felt like a mind game.

I know deep down it's her disorder, but I feel guilty a lot. I think it may be because I snapped at her when I found out she was with someone else when we were supposed to be getting back together.

I spent a lot of time trying to be there for her. And putting up with her attitude because I loved her and it truly set me off when I found out about it. After I told her off she would tell people about how "horribly" I treat her when in reality it was a reaction to being betrayed and lied to.

Why do I feel guilty about telling her off? It just felt like I couldn't win.

Does anybody else feel this way?

[reincarnate93]

I've been doing everything to distract myself from thinking of her, and I know I've done nothing in reality to hurt her. I'm even starting a new job tomorrow to occupy my time and not dwell on her. But my mind keeps going back to her saying I didn't treat her good and how it's all my fault.

One day out of the blue she just started telling me she needed space.  and it only got worse from there, after that it wasn't long until she started saying that I was a toxic person and she didn't want to be with me anymore. This isn't even true, I treated her really good. And she used to tell me how good I was to her. she would say "I love you because you really try." and after her disregulating started she would say "you're trying too hard" makes no since. It felt like a mind game.

I know deep down it's her disorder, but I feel guilty a lot. I think it may be because I snapped at her when I found out she was with someone else when we were supposed to be getting back together.

I spent a lot of time trying to be there for her. And putting up with her attitude because I loved her and it truly set me off when I found out about it. After I told her off she would tell people about how "horribly" I treat her when in reality it was a reaction to being betrayed and lied to.

Why do I feel guilty about telling her off? It just felt like I couldn't win.

Does anybody else feel this way?

[labowski]

Almost exactly. This is near my story. It really hurts. Its done with near mastery. The way they paint you as the villain to everyone while setting up your replacement, the way you try your hardest (this is what hurt me so much) and they drain you of your love and patience then blame you for "being mean" or "being impatient" or worst of all, "being incompatible". I believe you're a good person with a good heart that tried. At some point you just have to accept, i am having a problem with this too, that it was never going to work. that it was set for disaster and no matter what level of patience or kindness you displayed, they would find a way to chip away at it and make you the villain. the plan was to discard us at some point and once they decide that, there is almost zero chance of saving things. I feel your pain and frustration. and I'm sorry.

[sweet tooth]

Guilt is a useless emotion. It has no positive benefits.

[Meili]

Guilt is a useless emotion. It has no positive benefits.

I wholly disagree with that ST. There are times when guilt is highly beneficial. Of course those times happen when we have actually done something wrong. It is what makes apologies genuine and can keep us from doing or repeating bad behavior.

Guilt, it seems to me at least, is borne from empathy. We feel guilty because we empathize with how we image that the other person is feeling. We know how much pain we would feel if we received the treatment that we are accused of perpetrating.

Now, when guilt is misplaced, when it is borne of lies and brainwashing, that's a bad thing. That's the guilt that many of us here seem to feel. We are conditioned to believe the bad things that our SO has told us, so we feel guilty when they complain. Also, we all, for the most part, seem to be kind and caring people. We don't like knowing that the person that we love is in pain. This adds to the delusion that we have somehow actually caused the pain. So, the guilt can be a signal or catalyst to examine the complaint with an objective eye. It can help us the reality of our respective situations.

reincarnate93, I'm sorry that you're having to go through all of this. I know how much it sucks. I hope that you can find the silver-lining in all of it though.