Horrible discard/NC/...Recycle?

[KarmasReal]

Just curious, anyone out there felt with your BPD pushing your buttons so bad that you broke up with them, the were told to not contact them, then were replaced possibly, then had your ex still try to recycle you after that? And I mean legitimate recycle, not reach out, not hook up for a day or week, but legitimately restart the honeymoon phase/relationship after all those messed previous things. No judgement if you decided to do it or not, I'm not sure which I would choose. Also if you had been in a LTR with your ex when this happened or didn't, that would be even more helpful. Thanks!

KarmasReal

[HurtinNW]

Yes, minus the replacing. My ex would rage and break up with me, or become so abusive I would try to end it. Then weeks of silent treatment and/or being told not to contact him, including being blocked on his phone. Then he would want to honeymoon and start the cycle over again.

Over time the honeymoons got shorter until they disappeared and he stopped the idealization phase entirely, and I would pretty much go straight into devaluation.

This was a four year relationship which both of us saw as serious. We were engaged at one point.

I think of it like breaking a plate. You can break a plate once or twice and glue it back together. You can't shatter it into a million pieces twenty or more times and expect it ever to be usable.

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

My uBPDex broke up with me 4 times. The first 3 times I begged her to come back, she came back but she made me promise to change because our whole relationship problems was all me. I was starting to believe I was the problem. The 4th time she came back. She texted me. I was still in love with her. At the end I broke up with her I could not continue with her or I would end up mentally messed up or dead really. The stress was killing me. My parents were worried about me as well.  I could not handle her anymore, too many lies, insults, rages, and betrayal. I broke up with her and told her not to contact me ever again so she does not try to recycle me. It is a really tough decision to make.

[Rayban]

Just curious, anyone out there felt with your BPD pushing your buttons so bad that you broke up with them, the were told to not contact them, then were replaced possibly, then had your ex still try to recycle you after that? And I mean legitimate recycle, not reach out, not hook up for a day or week, but legitimately restart the honeymoon phase/relationship after all those messed previous things. No judgement if you decided to do it or not, I'm not sure which I would choose. Also if you had been in a LTR with your ex when this happened or didn't, that would be even more helpful. Thanks!

KarmasReal

@KarmasReal

I experienced this exact same thing. Here is how it went . 9 month relationship, with breakups every couple of weeks. The longest no contact which was 1 month and a half. She would always contact me, and I would eventually cave. I think they are extremely possessive of their exes, and them getting along in their lives, or being with someone else triggers their abandonment issues. An Ex moving on from a BPD means they found someone better then them, and abandonment of them is justified.

Mine kept tabs on me, and I swear just as I'm moving forward and thinking positively about myself, she would re-appear. Despite seeing a multitude of people in between, I could count on her contacting me as soon as I truly begin to move on.


Mine actually admitted this is a phase for her. She continuously seeks to recreate the honey moon phase. That is very difficult to do once you've been devalued, because the BPD person can't trust anymore. She hated me for establishing no contact, or any action really which signified I was trying to move on. After that it just got plain weird. We would get together with the understanding that we would do things differently this time. It was like she was just checking in to see if I was willing to. Once she got this confirmation, the hate would begin. I have become a trigger for her. One that knows who she truly is. It would just get worse every time.  She would down play our previous relationship with stuff like, I was never her boyfriend. Or how she already had presented other lovers to her family (she never did that for me) Saying that if she would fall pregnant to my child, she would abort him. Writing this, I'm realizing that she will basically get back with me, just to hurt me more.

[sweet tooth]

This hasn't happened to me... .yet. I was the one who was discarded, but I think it's a matter of time before I get re-engaged... .

[KarmasReal]

Don't get me wrong sweet tooth just because I broke up with her doesn't mean I wasn't discarded by her first. She wanted me to accept behavior and actions, that she knew no man with self respect would accept, at least I hope she knew that. I had no choice but to break up. We have had weird recycles one where she broke up "nicely" and came back after about 7 weeks, one where I broke up with her and then chased and we were on and off for two months. And this last one where she was a cruel she devil and I broke up, tried contacted only for my stuff she told me not to anymore she wasn't happy with how we ended. And now she may have a replacement, this one is almost two months in. So honestly I don't know what will happen. I know I'm slowly working on myself, stopped drinking, going to the gym, getting into work more, going out with friends, and casually talking to other girls, nothing serious. I was proud enough to put up boundaries and walk away from, despite her fans, someone who truly felt like she was my soulmate. Now I have to continue walking that walk becoming a proud man and never accepting treatment like that again.

[sweet tooth]

Don't get me wrong sweet tooth just because I broke up with her doesn't mean I wasn't discarded by her first. She wanted me to accept behavior and actions, that she knew no man with self respect would accept, at least I hope she knew that. I had no choice but to break up. We have had weird recycles one where she broke up "nicely" and came back after about 7 weeks, one where I broke up with her and then chased and we were on and off for two months. And this last one where she was a cruel she devil and I broke up, tried contacted only for my stuff she told me not to anymore she wasn't happy with how we ended. And now she may have a replacement, this one is almost two months in. So honestly I don't know what will happen. I know I'm slowly working on myself, stopped drinking, going to the gym, getting into work more, going out with friends, and casually talking to other girls, nothing serious. I was proud enough to put up boundaries and walk away from, despite her fans, someone who truly felt like she was my soulmate. Now I have to continue walking that walk becoming a proud man and never accepting treatment like that again.

Sounds like you're making improvements, Karma. Good work! I feel kind of stuck in the stages.