I think his symptoms rubbed off on me

[Herodias]

Do you ever catch yourself saying or doing something that is out of your norm? I actually caught myself today, not having sympathy in a way most people would... It was really strange. I just got quiet. Then later I realized I said that I felt something that was upsetting me. That whole "if it feels like it, it must be so" thing came to mind and I realized that I was probably just letting my mind take over the facts and stopped... .It has been a crazy day! My step-father went back into the hospital and I worked all day... .dealing with the stress of not knowing if he was going to contest the divorce or not all day was very trying... .I almost felt dysregulated! I am so tired... .I hope tomorrow goes quickly with the divorce in the morning and then I am off to change my last name! I expect he and his gf will post they are engaged or some stupid thing very soon, I don't even care any more... .he is a piece of crap and I am so tired - he is exhausting!

[vortex of confusion]

Oh my yes! It seems that the last couple of years of the relationship were plagued with me doing things and then thinking, "What the heck am I doing? This isn't me. This isn't who I want to be."

I scared the bejesus out of myself a week or two ago when I flipped my lid. The release sure felt good but man did it scare me because I try to be all about peace and love and blah, blah, blah. I was doing the very thing that I find completely deplorable.

Good luck with court! 

[gotbushels]

Do you ever catch yourself saying or doing something that is out of your norm?

I'd consider it depends on what we call the "norm". I'd skirt away from calling it a symptom rubbing off on you. E.g., just because I'm really upset doesn't necessarily mean I have BPD. If I go punch a wall, I think that's violent behaviour. If I go for a drive and listen to church choirs, I think that's healthy management. If I can re-peace my mind without leaving my desk, that's optimal but challenging.

Something that helped me when I felt "dysregulated" is to pause and observe. I still do it. Be kind to yourself at those times Heron   

Enjoy the weekend.

[DreamerGirl]

Herodias yes I do feel that way as well.

I think we have learned this as a coping mechanism, to be more like them, so it doesn't hurt as much.  But then we start applying our lack of care to others outside the relationship.  We act on our feelings rather than using logic.

I believe when they are fully out of our lives we will go back to believing and trusting both our thoughts and emotions and feeling safe enough to see the big picture again rather than acting on an impulsive feeling.

[sweet tooth]

I feel that way sometimes, too, Blue. The difference is that we have the capacity to observe our behaviors, evaluate them, and adjust as necessary. You are already in the process of doing this. Good luck in court.

[hurting300]

Well it's normal I would say. Some of things rubbed off on me in the beginning. I was just angry. Now thanks to therapy I'm back on track to becoming my old self again. Just be kind to yourself as other members have said and think about your actions.

[myself]

That whole "if it feels like it, it must be so" thing

Feelings are valid, and very often shine a light on/express our truths.

This has been a traumatic, up and down, life-changing experience.

You're still working through it. Still letting go. Still healing.

For example, I've hardly had any nightmares my whole life.

But during/after this relationship? I've lost track of how many there have been.

It's a way for my brain and heart to continue making sense of things even while asleep.

Are these dreams tied into how I'm feeling, while dealing with the stress of grieving? For sure.

It hasn't been 'normal', but neither was the r/s. We're different now. And getting better.