sometimes, it is just about surviving

[grandmag]

   Sometimes, all I can do is just... .survive.

    It has been a particularly chaotic and hurtful week with my family. Only an hour ago, my son called to discuss some business we have to handle... .and it was just him yelling and putting me down. No discussion at all. ave I said, in recent months he seems to be acting more and more like bp daughter-in-law?

    Last night, dil was here to drop off kids and she TOOK the baseball mitt I had got for grandson to play here. She just took it from my porch. I said What are you doing? She said he needed it for where he goes during the day in the summer months. I explaianed I had already said I didn't want it to go there, due to high thefts. She walked off with it.

    There have been several other disturbances this week, and I am left feeling violated and angry. I am taking care to treat myself with a lil extra care, but have to admit that right now, it is all like ashes in my mouth. And just surviving does not seem like enough.

Hurting some more and tired of it

[Woolspinner2000]

Grandmag,

I'm so sorry.    That type of behaviour is uncalled for, and I'm sorry that you are caught in the fray.  It's just not fair to you.

Only an hour ago, my son called to discuss some business we have to handle... .and it was just him yelling and putting me down.

It sounds like he is projecting his own frustrations (perhaps with his wife) upon you. Have you ever thought about setting up a boundary with him in regards to his disrespectful treatment of you? If so, what does that look like for you?

I've recently been in a situation where someone close to me has been treating me disrespectfully too. I had thought about what I'd do 'the next time' and was prepared when the occasion came up. For me, the big step was following through, and I did.  It was hard though.

    Last night, dil was here to drop off kids and she TOOK the baseball mitt I had got for grandson to play here. She just took it from my porch. I said What are you doing? She said he needed it for where he goes during the day in the summer months. I explaianed I had already said I didn't want it to go there, due to high thefts. She walked off with it.

I read an explanation on one of the other boards of how BPDs tend to operate with no boundaries. The example given was of a house with walls and a door, illustrating boundaries. A BPD or a person with no boundaries will barge right on in, ignoring the shut door. I realized how important it is for me to keep the door shut (maybe locked too!), and only let in those I wish to allow. I certainly don't have this mastered yet, but am working on it. What do you think of this explanation? Does it help you see what she did?

I hope you will find some peace and comfort tonight from these painful hurts. Extra hug for you!   Hang in there!  You sound like a loving grandma! 



Wools

[grandmag]

 woolspinner:

   I HAVE sest a boundary with dil for phoning... .when she became verbally abusive, I told her that I would talk with her later, when she was calm, she kept it up and I hung up. Btw, I didn't expect that to last with her and it didn't... .less than 2 weeks.

   I am trying to think just how to set one with my son... .felt hurt again today by him and had not even tried to talk with him since the "episode" only 2 days ago. Part of the trouble is, there is work in my place that we have to do together, and nothing can even be set up right now, apparently. The work is necessary, and the longer it goes, the more it costs me financially and health-wise. He hasn't made himself available to it for 10 days now.

   I can only take so many of what I call "hits" and then they reverberate in me, I become a bunch of different emotions, I get depressed too. My son't father was abusive and I divorced him 31 years ago, got custody of my son and was a single mom overnight... .albeit without all the garbage that comes with being abused. I got some therapy back then for me and my son... .a good step. But I have found that ever after, I really can't STAND being someone's victim. Too many echoes. So, going through a week like this one, makes me feel kinda powerless at the same time, angry, kinda all over again.

   I must do a lot of work at this time, but am trying to do small things I enjoy also. I bought some fine crochet thread to start making a couple of doilies for Christmas presesnts. I can do it, I just am not enjoying it. And that is not like me. I went outside today to do a few things in my flower garden, but found it was too hot for me---86o.

   So here I am in here again, typing away and making long posts.Too much going on, some of it inside me.

   How do I get myself out of this funk?



   

   (that doesn't mean I expect you to have the answer)