Help please

[mikeo]

I'm looking for help, resources or suggestions.

I'm currently in a relationship with a woman who suffers from BPD, PTSD, and is a victim of sexual abuse. She has a 7 year old son who I love dearly. We started dating a year ago, our schedules with work were very different and we saw each other when we could and made the best of it. Two months ago we moved in together and seemly everything changed. Things that were mild warning signs before have become glarring issues. In addition to her BPD, she has an enmeshed relationship with her son. This ends to be the biggest hurdle for me personally. It's July and she and I have not spent alone time together since April. Whenever I bring up the idea of us spending time together, ie a movie, dinner, walk in the park, anything really. She always states that her son comes first, and that I'm being needy. I've come to find out that "if i can get a sitter" means no. It's her get out of jail free card. After months of feeling neglected it all came to a head on July 4th. We had made plans for two days later, and she suddenly cancelled them saying she was going to do volunteer work that day. After much arguing, it was clear that she feels i'm needy and always demanding of her time. After things calmed down I asked if it was unreasonable that we spend time together one night a month for a few hours and get a babysitter. She agreed it was a reasonable request. However, since then no effort has been made to make any plans, and when I bring it up I'm told that I'm nagging her and it's a turn off. I even went so far as to pull out my work calendar and point out the days I'm free over the next month, I pointed out a weekend 3 weeks from now which I have two days off in a row, I asked "can we go to dinner one of those nights", her reply was an eye roll, and "well if i can get a sitter."

I just don't know what I'm going to do. Her son's father isnt in the picture at all and her son loves me, we have a nice home, good school district for him, a great place for him to grow up. And she, when shes capable of it, is the most amazing woman I've ever met. But most of my days are spent walking on egg shells, defending things that should need defending, and feeling like I'm insignificant to her, unloved, and and utterly powerless. I'm starting to think theres no way out but splitting up.

Someone please help me.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Herodias]

First of all, holidays bring out the worst in them, so it makes sense you would have trouble over the fourth. Secondly I would say that you seem to be feeling sorry for her and her son. How would you have created to her behavior if she was not BPD/PTSD? I found myself putting up with allot of behavior because I felt for him and wanted to tip toe around his feelings. I would suggest you think about yours. She feels you are being needy. I would tell you to just give up... .you have made a huge effort here, if she is interested she will make a plan with you. If she was into you, she would be making every effort to be with you. I bet when you pull away, she will make a plan if she is wanting to be in your life. So sorry, that's a tough situation... .