stress

[seenr]

I am finding it more and more stressful to deal with my exwBPD. When dropping or collecting my son I like to keep it all quiet, no conversation, just ensure a smooth handover and that he sees two parents who love him.

She keeps trying to initiate contact of some sort. Yesterday she shouted after me. I made a briefreply and walked away. It is stressing me out.

Hiw do you cope with stress from a BPD relationship?

[JerryRG]

Hey seenr

Just do what you know you want, you are in control.

When my ex picked our son up yesterday I hugged my son, told him I loved him and walked away leaving them there. I will no longer give my ex any attention nor will I pretend to be nice or act like I enjoy her company.

This is MY life and my choices and I don't care one bit about my exgf, she's burned me with the rape alligation and there's no trust or admiration or respect for a sleaze to do something as horrible as that to anyone. She's made her bed, she can sleep with her fleas, lies and insanity all she want.

Take back your life, your power, your control and let them live on the borderline

[heartandwhole]

Hi seenr,

It's really difficult to have to see your ex while you are trying to recover from the breakup. Naturally, for the sake of your son, you want to keep the peace between you and your ex, but I think it's normal to feel stressed and anxious during (and before) the drop-off.

You are doing the right thing; I know it's hard, but keep doing it. As for the stress, what can you do before you do the drop-off that will help keep your stress level less elevated? Is there a way you can do the exchange without seeing your ex (e.g. at school, or a neighbor's house)?

I don't know if you have seen this article on communication with the ex-partner when children are involved, but I found it really enlightening:

How to "Ex" Communicate (Parenting after the divorce)

What do you think?

heartandwhole

[seenr]

Thank you both for the replies.

There is very little I can do. I think, that she thinks I am disrespecting her in front of her neighbours. To be honest I don't care about them, I like them, they are really nice people, but they always say hello to me regardless so I don't see a problem there.

The problem is that my ex (and this was the same in the relationship) cannot tell me what her expectation is. So last year, if I dropped him & spoke to her, that was a problem. Then I decided to say as little as possible, she sought to re-kindle. We did, she ended it, now she is complaining again. She asked me to move the meeting spot away from the house, so we did and she shouted at me yesterday.

As long as the little guy is happy, that is my only concern. And yesterday, I kissed and hugged him, said 'see you soon, Mommy is coming' and pointed to where she would appear. His eyes lit up when he saw her so I turned and walked. As I did, I heard her swearing under her breath and I had maybe a 30 second walk to my car before she shouted at me. I asked her to put her thoughts in writing and kept going.

It is something I need to control - the stress before & after seeing her is hard to deal with. But I know that the less contact I have with her the better.

You are doing the right thing; I know it's hard, but keep doing it. As for the stress, what can you do before you do the drop-off that will help keep your stress level less elevated? Is there a way you can do the exchange without seeing your ex (e.g. at school, or a neighbor's house)?
What do you think?

heartandwhole