Write a letter to him/her. Say what you couldnt on here bc they wont get it

[Depression = 72% of members]

Does any one here want to express what they couldn't get understood?

I know we are all feeling a lot.  Every site or forum you hit speaks of never getting closure... .Not fair to us. Some of us need to get it out anyway.  Even if it gets us nowhere.

I read a lot of posts on here.  I noticed that people mostly talk about what their pwBPD is doing or has done to him/her but not much about what you would have wanted that wicked SOB to understand. 

I gotta put my thoughts together but I will share.  Maybe someone else is brave enough to start.  Let's not make it all about them.  Let's make it about us.
          (I GOT THE IDEA FROM READING SOMEONE ELSE'S POST)

[FallBack!Monster]

Does any one here want to express what they couldn't get understood?

I know we are all feeling a lot.  Every site or forum you hit speaks of never getting closure... .Not fair to us. Some of us need to get it out anyway.  Even if it gets us nowhere.

I read a lot of posts on here.  I noticed that people mostly talk about what their pwBPD is doing or has done to him/her but not much about what you would have wanted that wicked SOB to understand. 

I gotta put my thoughts together but I will share.  Maybe someone else is brave enough to start.  Let's not make it all about them.  Let's make it about us.
          (I GOT THE IDEA FROM READING SOMEONE ELSE'S POST)

[gotbushels]

"I wish you had a better childhood."

Maybe if she had a better childhood, her traits might not exist or be as severe as they were. Maybe much fewer horrible things might have happened. Maybe then I'd want her to be happy because then she wouldn't have done so many horrible things.

 

[ICantFixHer]

Dear you,

You horrible b*tch. You damaged motherf*cker, how DARE you use me in such a disgusting and degrading fashion.

I am utterly, completely done dealing with you and your moronic, destructive approach to your own meaningless sense of security.

I hate you so much I am abandoning you, like a skunk on the side of a mountain highway.

In abandoning you, I am freeing myself to move forward in a compassionate and understanding way, not trapped in a bubble of your own making.

You are now utterly alone. Abandoned. I hope your fear kills you.

Me

[Sadly]

My darling  ******

I am writing you this letter as I know I would never be allowed to say it to you.
I wish you'd had a nicer dad, a kind loving gentle one like mine, not a loud mouthed controlling bully. I wish the softer gentler loving person that is inside you could take over the bleak anxious angry person you have to be to survive. My lovely man,  The one who my cat adores, the one who melts sugar and water in a teaspoon to rescue ailing bees. The one who held me and soothed me through my childhood rape nightmares, the one who gently but confidently administers his mothers lifesaving drugs through a tube, the one who cries for his estranged son sometimes not minding if I see his tears. The one who once looked at me with eyes full of love. The one I know is lost and hidden from me for ever.
I want you to know I understand the illness that has done this thing, even though you never will. Thank you for the good and lovely things we shared, will not dwell on the horrors. Give my love to your mum when you see her, Thank her for loving me.

All my love always

******

Xxx

[Sadly]

Sorry, my letter was about me, what I feel and would say if I could. Sorry I have not been angry for a long time now, just devastated. Perhaps I got the intent of the post wrong but this is the letter I would write anyway. Xx

[woundedPhoenix]

I get everything you did. I get how you work. I have seen most of it while we were good. The rest i learned when you turned bad.

Thing is, there is soo much good in you, and so much for you to be really proud of.

And yet you throw it all away, somehow living on the dark and shamefull side of life feels more safe for you. It always has.

And I tried to save you and keep you in the light, I know you tried it too.

But it's those damned black and white glasses that you wear, and the self-hatred and chaos that comes with them.

I loved you, I cared for you, i wanted to be strong for you.

I wanted to protect you, but couldn't protect you from yourself.

You were not as strong as i had hoped. To weak to hold my back for a change when it really mattered.

You did love me, I am sure, but your love was not mature.

I forgive you and i forgive myself.

And with that... .I have set my hearth free.

[seenr]

Mine goes:

_____

Hey gorgeous,

I didn’t fall in love as fast as you but I did fall in love. You never thought I wanted it enough and you often seemed to view the negatives in me all the time. I think I put a lot into the relationship but it never seemed to be enough. I would be very hurt seeing you with someone else, but life goes on. Anyone else I ever meet will not be you but that is both a good and bad thing. My Dad recently said of you: ‘do you know anyone in life that is the better for meeting her?’ He is correct, I don’t. People who get close to you are drawn into a whirlwind of anger, fear, pain, chaos. That doesn’t make you a bad person, but since we met, I have heard time and again how people have victimised you. Exes, landlords, parents, employers. You never wanted to take responsibility for your actions and decisions.

As you are very attractive in my eyes, I think you will be snapped up and I don’t think I will be. But what I do hope for is something more meaningful and long term with someone less chaotic.

One day I’d love to be able to talk to you without feeling pain, but for now the best I can do is keep up no contact and wish you well. Our son means everything to me and the man you always wanted me to be is who I am since he was born, but now you seem to want the man I was.

Best of luck and if we never speak again, I love you.

[FallBack!Monster]

You horrible b*tch. You damaged motherf*cker, how DARE you use me in such a disgusting and degrading fashion... .You are now utterly alone. Abandoned. I hope your fear kills you.

Ouch! Did you get a chance to say this? or is this how you're feeling these day?

[zonnebloem]

Dear "best friend",

You called me the love of your life and I was so happy you found me.
I was lost and lonely living in very controlling and pestering neigbourhood.
I couldn't have visit , clouldn't be in my garden without being pestered by my upstairs neigbour. You came as the knite on a white house.

We met in hotels, went abroad and had log walks and chattered.
I felt so releived to have a true friend that I didn't notice how much you talked about your exen.
About the mothers of your 4 kids, about the fact that they didn't give you enough love.
Neither die your parents, you felt neglected.
You were left by all of you women girlfriends and yet, you need so much love.
They left you, they couldn't cope with your behavior and yet, I did not notice any evil.

Bur we couldn't ALWAYS be together. You called me and were jealous when I said I'd had a good day. You had bad moods, grey spell, you wanted me ALWAYS near you.

Yet you helped me to move out, to find a better place where I could be myself and we could freely meet. So often you ran off to your family for you thought they were in need.

So often you left me alone, so often I had to hear how you had to help your family.
Your big family.
That I didn't have nay was my fault, so you said.
My BD -father Always said it was all my fault. I was the witch.
My sisters turned their back to me.
You said it must be me.
It must be me why your spoiled daugters don't like me.
Why your sister is jealous for the time we spent and your exen are afraid for the money you spent on us.
I tried,
I tried my very best,
I held you , giving the love you long for,
I cried being unable to tell you ow wrong it feels that you leave on one month holiday with your daughters who do not even want you to be happy with me.
you blame me that you have to take care of them now, all by yourself.
You blame me that I can enjoy your grandkids without having te deal with any pain as giving them birth.
You took them away, your exen would have them altough they are the one familymembers who truely like me.

it hurts to see you doing so much things that hurt me and yet you say I do it to myself, for not loving your daughters, who have insulted me and controlled me and you and the money we spent, your money.

I loved you so much I would not even pick up the Phone when I knew we would have an argument. I wanted so much the things to stay as the day we met: I, the love of your life and you my hero!

Guess we couldn't work it out. The last change I spent at your place, you spoiled it again, by bringing up your ex when we were in bed and by calling your daughter to have breakfast where you damned-well know that I hate that atmosphere of incest you created.
But you call that paranoia, where you was the one that mentioned tat word and where I truely feel that it is not my imagination that plays tricks on me.

I cannot imagine how the one month holiday that you'll spend with your daugters can give you more satisfaction than the love and affection we shared.

I just know tat you are damned scared to be left alone, so you want to find the love and affection in your family for they are the once that will never leave.

So  be it. I'm the one that is left behind and I find the courage for not to help you when you have suïcidal thoughts.
By the way... .I sent your (jealous) sister that she might want to read all about border-line and that someone, some day might be able to slow you down from selfdestruction;
If you still plan on walking through Mongolië, I hope you don't return for then I know you finaly found the peace and freedom you so much long for.

Amazing how I still feel love for you after the sarcastic trics you played.
Guess, I too much remember the good things we shared.

With love,
X

[HurtinNW]

Dear

I am so sorry you are lost. I am sorry for all that could have been. I am sorry for my role in it. My heart aches at times thinking of you. I feel angry, remorse, sadness, and more than anything, loss.

I used to tell you, "I love you with all my heart." And I did.

I know you loved me as much as you could. I am sorry for the bitterness you have allowed to consume your life. I am sorry for the choices you make. In the end you will hurt yourself more than anyone else, and you won't even know. How sad is that?

My dear, the world is as big or small as we make it. If only you could open your eyes outside your heart and see this huge, wide world, full of love and magic and warmth. If only you were not afraid.

[Sadly]

What an amazingly cathartic thing to do. Wish I could really send mine and it be understood. I have been reading them all, please, everyone do the same, it adds extra dimension to your stories.   to everyone. xx

[FallBack!Monster]

My ltr wld just be full of questions? Why me? Why not him or her? What is it that your brain told you I was going g to give you?  Why did your brain tell you I had it? What's so funny? Why do you think so little of yourself? Why makes you think your childish lies wld ever penetrate the mature smarts of an adult? Has any of this ever successfully worked since you've been expected to act like an adult? I mean, since you got older looking. What do u mean by, you just want to be happy?  What does happy mean to you?  Why hurt those who love you and please does who dislike you?  Why are you so gross with your body? Why this? Why that? and why do you always say ''I didn't do nothing? Huh? Why why why... .U nut?

[thrownforaloop]

(sorry for the long one, everybody!)

Hey,

I feel really used by you. I'm angry that you always made me feel like I wasn't contributing to the family, when I know I was. I know there may have been more I could have done, but I know you were projecting--you knew that you weren't doing your part. I made the money for our family, drove you wherever you needed, helped out a lot with [exSS7], took care of the dog you begged me to get... .I did sacrifice so much for you, I wish someday you'll look back and see that.

Looking back, I understand that my contribution wasn't the problem. It wasn't my "obliviousness" or "annoyingness" either, as you always told me. You just didn't like me overall and you stopped loving me very quickly. I understand that not only were you not fighting for our relationship near the end, you were intentionally trying to get distance. You must have been waiting so long for me to leave you. That's why you finally broke the one and only boundary I ever had with you--and cheated on me.

I wish that you hadn't betrayed my trust like that. I wish that you would have just said, "we don't work together". I will always think that you're a coward for the way you handled that. I'm going to be struggling with trust for a long time to come, I know it--and that's your fault. You must have been laughing at me internally when I foolishly believed your outrageous lies. I was extending my disbelief as hard as I could, praying that you wouldn't really hurt me in the ways you did. Well, my head is out of the sand now, and I can see you for who you are--a woman who lacks morals, lacks integrity, lacks patience and strength as well as self-love. You know that you're deeply flawed and I believe that's why you take it out on everyone else.

The way you treated me was viscous. Your expectations of other people are too high--and for that reason, everyone will always disappoint you. The way you speak to your mother is disrespectful. She always was there to help drive you places and look after your son, yet you walked all over her and failed to show thanks. You feel entitled to everyone's time and effort, but you're not a queen--you don't deserve it for doing nothing in return. I hope in the future, you'll learn to thank those who help you.

You taking away my visitations with your son is wrong. He thinks of me as his father, and you encouraged that--it's unfair that you take us away from each other because you've stopped loving me. He hasn't stopped loving me and now he faces a life of abandonment issues because of the sudden tear away. Also, I understand you moving on with the man you cheated on me with, but to not only introduce [exSS7] to him just a couple months after leaving his father figure, but to have him and you move in with this new man is a bad message to send him. He is constantly learning and absorbing the world around him--and this is what you want him to think of relationships? That people can be tossed away and replaced overnight? That any person will do, as long as you have someone warm next to you?

You are so desperate to fill the void in your heart that you've made a life of impulsive, reckless, fleeting decisions. Look behind you to your past: it's a trail of destruction. I'm sorry that you had a rough childhood, but it's time to grow up for your son's sake... .before he develops the same condition you have. You expect relationships to be nothing but passion and quick decisions, but that's not sustainable. Seasoned partners know that there are highs and lows to every relationship--but you were too weak to ride it out and get stronger with me. I understand that you will always want to take the easy way out. But I hope that you change.

I don't wish bad things for you, because that would effect [exSS7]. In fact, I hope you can take a look at your life, get help for yourself and get better. I hope you can learn to fight your depression, learn to keep a job for an extended period of time, and learn to find yourself. I know your lack of identity scares you and you don't know what to do with your life, but I pray that you find it quickly.

I loved many things about you and I do believe that, if you try, deep down you have the power to overcome the destruction you normally opt for. Please make good decisions and think of [exSS7]'s future.

I'll probably always have a little bit of love for you, buried deep down, but I will never be there to help you again. I will not become your friend (as so many of your exes did). I will speak to you the bare minimum amount. I wish for good things for your mental health, but that's as far as my love will go.

Sincerely,
Me

[ICantFixHer]

More and more I am starting to truly hate these people -- my ex BPD, anyone with it. I'm sitting here feeling everything from the freedom of leaving her to the despondency of knowing she will never, ever tell me the truth I know lies behind on of this. She serial-cheated on me. I know it. But I will never truly know it. This is what kills me. I begged her to just tell me but she never will. God, I hate her with all my heart.

[FallBack!Monster]

More and more I am starting to truly hate these people -- my ex BPD, anyone with it. I'm sitting here feeling everything from the freedom of leaving her to the despondency of knowing she will never, ever tell me the truth I know lies behind on of this. She serial-cheated on me. I know it. But I will never truly know it. This is what kills me. I begged her to just tell me but she never will. God, I hate her with all my heart.

If she did wld that make you feel better? Believe this, when I saw her it wasn't a good feeling at all. I knew b/c I had been told. But when I saw it, it hurt as if I didn't already know. We even Sat in the car until they both went their separate ways. I was pretending with the acquaintance that took me to see it in action, but i felt as if my gut was in my a*ss.  I had a wicked 3/day old headache.  I saw her the very next day, deny deny deny.  You don't really want to know. You just think you do.  No worries, in a few it won't matter at all. I would never do someone like that. Too cold. But... .It is, what it is. No of the ppl she cheated with were good looking. One I know of him, he is as gross as they come. But hey, that's truly her type. Me? Too clean, so I got gamed.

[Larmoyant]

My letter changes, but right this moment I’d send him a link to this song and ask him to remember the day I went back.

'Talk me down'. Troye Sivan.

[Flutterby32]

"I wish you had a better childhood."

Maybe if she had a better childhood, her traits might not exist or be as severe as they were. Maybe much fewer horrible things might have happened. Maybe then I'd want her to be happy because then she wouldn't have done so many horrible things.

 

This is definitely the case with my ex. She was severely abused by her parents and it set the tone for how her life has gone. I always felt compassion for her and what she suffered through, but in the end it was beyond my abilities to help her deal with her painful past, and I could  not deal with how it made her act in the present.

[FallBack!Monster]

I think I'm ready with my letter.
Hi sweetie. I miss you. Not as much as I use to but when I remember the good times, I can't help it.

I wish you  didn't clam up when it was time to express your own feelings. I wish you had been brave enough to ask for space when you needed it without thinking I wouldn't come back. I wish you for trust. I wish you knew what trusting entails.

I wish your soul had matured into the beautiful human being you sometimes were. I wish your words wld have been followedb y actions  My fear is that if you were as good of a person as I wish you had been, maybe I wld have never met you. You wld have been somewhere making someone proud of being with you. You wld have had lots of friends and hopefully i wld have been lucky enough to be one of them.

I can't erase your smile from my thoughts. It's not impossible. I just don't want to. Not yet, anyway. It is too nice of a smile. Sadly, our r/s was doomed from the door. See, we are 2 distinct people. I use my power of persuasion for good deeds. You use the power of manipulation to inflict pain and receive.  Obviously, we couldn't work together.

I wish I wld wake up tomorrow and everything about you was erased from my memory. BC I don't think you deserve any of me. But one thing I will like to admit, the good that i imagined you were giving or were you going bring to my life, is something that I needed at that point in my life. Too bad it was superficial. Too bad it was never meant to last. But for that delusional adealization, I thank you. It felt not only good but real. I needed that.

I forgive you and myself. I can't say I wish you the best BC that wld be as superficial as the love we so called shared. I wish me the best. I know I deserve it.

Goodbye, you miserable story teller. I hope to never see you again. I love you.

[uniquename]

Dear H,
It's been a month since you tried to kill yourself. You texted our daughter goodbye. You asked her to give me a message – you're sorry. I was so angry when she texted me. That f***ing ass. I can't believe he did that. You just traumatized her for life. I read the text and knew this was your call for help. I called you. You answered immediately. I started going through the suicide prevention tips. Do you have a plan? Do you have a weapon? The police officer who I had spoken to earlier called on the other line. Put him on speaker so he could hear our conversation. Paused at times with you long enough to understand I needed to call the police closer to you. Trying to find your location. Got you to agree to go with the police to the hospital. Had my sister drive me to the hospital. Go home they said it's going to be 11pm or 12am before he's seen. Went to get your car from the cemetery. Ah, there it is. Ass. You know what, sis, you look through the car first. She takes things out. Oh, the receipt for the box cutter and flowers. Bought it about 15 minutes before you texted D. Sat there for a while trying to get up the nerve, huh? Ass.

I was so f***ing relieved when I saw you had packed a bag, taken your computer. You really left. Yeah maybe you're super depressed but you really left. You didn't leave to just kill yourself. Let's make plans. Let's go see a show!

I drove your car home. I lead but then ask sis to switch. I need to follow. I'm in a daze. As I'm driving home you call. What the heck? 6 hours my ass! They almost didn't admit you, you say. Until they realized you had a plan. I get home. I call them. How does this work? What happens now?

We're going on vacation in 4 days. Ass. I couldn't handle being around you and having you abuse D BEFORE you completely discarded being her father in those texts. Ass. I'm overwhelmed. I can't handle this. Go to your brother's house. Go to a hotel. Don't come home.

It's been a month now. You threaten to come home. You don't beg or plead. You're offended that calls and texts from you raise my adrenaline like a jump scare in a horror movie. You don't apologize you lash out at me. How could I? How could YOU? You want me to see how well you're doing. Go f*** yourself. I want to see you sorry and sad. How the f*** are you doing well? I'm a f***ing wreck. Have you dealt with your mothers death? Do you still think your dad maybe killed her? How's living with him going? How's that going, huh? You're going to the gym? You're going to f*** it up. You don't know. I can hear it in your voice. It's pretend. The monster you become to hide your pain is not who I love. I need the real you back but you're too afraid to bring him out. It's too painful. I wish you could see. I want to cry. I wish you could see. I love you.

[uniquename]

Well, it helped me. I wrote it journal form first with actual details and shared it with my therapist yesterday and finally was able to cry. I felt a LOT better today. Part of the burden lifted. Thanks for the thread and sorry if I offended.

[snowmonkey]

My Darling Princess,

I wish you had succeeded in your suicide attempts.

I am so sorry for the childhood that you endured, it makes me so sad to think of you as a sweet young girl with little love and a dysfunctional family.

You disgust me to the very core, I hope the pain that you suffer intensifies and is always with you.

I have never loved anyone like I have loved you and miss you so much. I want to message you every time I see you are online but I know you are too busy writing filthy messages to the ugly old pervert you are flying to the UK to be with in a few weeks.

I would do anything to make things perfect again between us, just so you could waste another 3.5 years of my life.

Do you see what you've done to me? You are the most wonderful and disgusting person on the face of this Earth.

I wish you all the happiness in the world, to make up for the sadness you've endured and most of all, I hope you contract HIV and die alone in your stinking room.

All my love and hate,

Snowmonkey

[Sadly]

Letter No 2

Dear ... .

This is how I see it.
When we met our life was warm and comfortable and loving and exciting. Once that happened some part of you was scared it was going to be taken away, lost, so you took control yourself and to do that meant destroying the person you thought would take it away, me.
I WOULD NEVER HAVE TAKEN IT AWAY.
I see from a child your father was a bullying tyrant who ruled his family with a rod of iron. Nothing you ever did would be right or good enough even if you did it his way. You have talked about being devastated hearing him bully and shout at your lovely mother when she visits from the nursing home. I have been there and had to leave the room. This is where your pain comes from and yet you cannot see the similarities, cannot make the connection.

You withhold love and affection
You do not see my need and if you do you don't let it matter
It's always all about you, it's not possible to sustain. You are damaging me and you don't care as long as your needs are fulfilled. You look at me but you don't see me.
Your mum did, she sees me, the loving caring me inside, the real me that you don't see anymore. You hate that your mother loves me.

Things I don't understand, your need to hurt me.
You call my son vile names. You don't like him though you have only met him once. You know his background, you know of the misery and horror I endured. Who knows what his was. You know he grew up motherless and that at last regardless of all obstacles and our imperfections he is in my life again. Your intelligence must tell you how massive that is for him and me. But you are not happy for me, why not?
So, you don't have to like him, I don't impose him on you so why do you feel it's ok to hurt me with your vile opinions. What have I or he done to deserve that? Even if you think these things why do you feel it's acceptable and necessary to voice them if you know it will hurt me.
By contrast, I have listened and cared and when asked offered advice but mostly just been there for you in regards to your boy. When he visited I heard your instruction to me about how to be with him and what to say and so loved seeing you both together, did everything I could to gently encourage him to be in your life, and held you when you cried. You know that For him to be in your life would make me truly happy, you know this. A whole year since you have seen him, my heart breaks for you.
Tell me, can you really not see the right and wrong of it. Do you truly hate me so much? Can you really not see that it is heartbreaking for me to be hated so much.

... .X

[ICantFixHer]

You horrible b*tch. You damaged motherf*cker, how DARE you use me in such a disgusting and degrading fashion... .You are now utterly alone. Abandoned. I hope your fear kills you.

Ouch! Did you get a chance to say this? or is this how you're feeling these day?
[/quote]

Oh, I've said far, far worse things to my exBPDgf's face than what I wrote above.  That was back in the old days, when she kept me in her translucent bubble.

What I wrote above was how I was feeling that day. I feel far less angry now but the words still ring true to me.

[ICantFixHer]

You are the most wonderful and disgusting person on the face of this Earth.

Hi Snowmonkey,

You nailed it, my friend. Your statement quoted above perfectly summarizes the absolute confusion BPD's create in relationships.

Thanks and it seems to me you have made it to the other side with your dignity and self-worth intact. You won, enjoy it.

[ICantFixHer]

My exBPDgf emailed me her "final letter" last night. Of course I will never respond to it and when I am done selectively quoting it here, it'll be deleted.

Back in the day when she kept me in her translucent bubble I would have responded:

A break-up that is so ragged and uneven in its strange demise--- it will be an eternal "unsolved mystery," because I can never exactly put my finger on a SINGLE reason everything exploded--- it's  a weird combination of stuff and for that reason--- for me, anyway-- it's REALLY tough releasing it and letting go of it.

The SINGLE reason because is you cheated on me 9 months into our interaction and when I called you on it you exploded.

My anger might lay down for a time but it was always there. The frustration of not being believed when I knew that I was completely true to you.

You were not completely true to me, you cheated on me.

I know that you take some pleasure in putting the title of borderline personality on me. The fact is my problems have nothing to do with borderline personality disorder but everything to do with wanting to hold onto something for all the good things and not having the self-esteem to let go of it because it was so toxic.

I've told you I don't care if you have BPD or not, we've both agreed you have an alarmingly high number of BPD traits.

All of my drinking and bad behavior stem from trying to hide from the fact that I was staying in a situation where I was thought to be the bad guy.

You were the bad guy; two arrests and convictions for domestic violence ensures anyone who cares to look will realize the truth.

Yes, I let a man who I didn't give one sh!t about send me a picture of his girlfriends boobs. It meant nothing to me. It was wrong, it violated our trust. Nothing like that ever happened again. I was angry as hell that you searched through my emails and I had a terrible tantrum. I admit it. It's a violation, it's wrong. I wonder if one of your friends had asked you if you wanted to see a picture of his girlfriends boobs what you would've said? Knowing nobody would've been the wiser if they hadn't been snooping in your email.

You violated the agreement we made when you moved into my home; you cheated on me. I should have thrown you out that moment but only two months prior I had helped you move out of your old place. My only crime was caring about what happened to you.

I cannot think of a single friend of mine who would out of the blue ask me if I wanted to see pictures of his naked wife.

You cheated on me. You sought it out. And I wasn't snooping, I walked by your computer in my home and saw the pictures. You see, you had stupidly forgotten to hide it from me.

You never tried to look at it from my point of view.

The last ten years have been nothing but me trying to see your point of view. What has caused me anguish is your point of view is as fluid as water; it changes constantly, always moving.

And you had to leave one last insult, "skunk! "And then I hurt you one last time, In the way that I always did, with that horrible insult.

If I had a dollar for every time you screamed in my face like a drill sergeant "f*ggot!" I'd be a millionare.

"No contact" is definitely a good idea for us, we were never able to get around the real issues.

You've come around to my way of thinking; I've been in no contact with you for a week now. I set that boundary, not you. You're always trying to re-write your endings. In real life, people don't get to re-write the way things happen.

So, even though you probably have not even read this and you certainly won't respond because of your pride, rules, regulations of "no contact" it was important for me to put this out there, out there in the universe. I guess I'm doing it for myself.

Goodbye.

[Wize]

Dear sweet little ex wifey poo,

If you weren't such a raging crazy b!tch we could have been really good together.

I hold you accountable for your behavior and refuse to excuse your choices to abuse and undermine me and my family.

You told me so adamantly about how you have never cheated, would never cheat and think cheaters are disgusting.  Well guess what, that makes you not only disgusting but a fraud.

I hope you are miserable and alone for the rest of your life.

xoxo
Wize

[FallBack!Monster]

Wize, I'm going to use your words and add to it.  Hope you don't mind.
Dear sweet little ex wifey poo,

If you weren't so delusional we could have been really good together. You could have probably be my best friend.

I hold you accountable for your behavior and refuse to excuse your choices to abuse anyone, regardless of how much you can get them to do for you.

You told me so adamantly about how you have never cheated, I never believed you.  How you would never cheat and think cheaters are disgusting.  Well guess what, that makes you not only disgusting but a fraud.

I sometimes wish all the terrible things I read about that pwBPD feel on a day to day basis.  Scared, loneliness, depress, darkness, and long life unhappiness. But then I think, that's not nice.  and I am nice.

A few months ago, I was willing to try again and be friends first.  That would not be fair to me or you.  I will never trust you or feel comfortable around you again.  But I will be nice enough to tell you why.  I didn't do anything that bad for you to stab me in the back the first time, so why will stop you from doing it again and again?

The memories of our fun for me past is almost erased from my life.  I know I still have some love for you, but I cannot trust a word out of you.  Not even the simplest of them.  Maybe you're lying all the time.  Maybe not every time.  But to me, if you're lips are moving, I block you out. 

The fact that you THINK I can't see you doesn't mean I can't.  The fact that you think I'm an easy prey, doesn't mean I am.  The only thing, at this time, that can determine who we will be to one another tomorrow is time. Not me. 

I remember the joyful feeling I use to get whenever I saw you; even if we had argued.  Its now turned into having a feeling of melancholy.  Nothing else.

It was such a good feeling for me, I look at you and wish I still believed a little bit in you. I wish I still cared the way I did.  I wish I could still feel that love, because I liked loving you.  The question is loving what?  I realized yesterday at dinner, I don't know what/which good thing you're good at.  What do you do well, that is positive or  helpful?  I don't know the answers to those questions.  Do you?

[zonnebloem]

 

Just to let you know that I've read the letters.
Sorry to know about all the pain that goes round.

I better when I ask Jesus to stay in my heart.

thank you all for posting.