wow last night, had to break reality to my daughter

[married21years]

last night i received a message from my daughter at 1030 pm

didnt see it till 1230 pm so i called

she is worried her mum is going to lose the house and has offered to give her mum the money for the mortgage.

so i had to do one of the hardest things of my life and tell her the truth.

i had to tell her about my CPTSD and Co dependency

about her mums BPD and lies and cheating.

i explained why her mum had lost her family

it was a lot to take in, but she is starting to believe me

i so wanted to protect her from all this but my EX left me no choice

after our last conversation, she confronted her mother.

she was then attacked and painted black and told she couldn't talk to her anymore as she was talking to me!

she is now starting to see her mother was the crazy one and i had to explain i think she may have co dependency also

one wonderful thing is my daughter says she lies to get out of situations that normal

i had to explain it is a learned behavior from her mum

there is hope for my little girl i am just so worried

[GoingBack2OC]

I'm sorry to hear about that. I am sure that is a lot to take in, for your daughter, to process, and it will take time for her to figure out for herself as well.

It's interesting, somewhat related.

After I found out my ex had been sleeping with another guy, for 4 months. I contacted her parents via phone. They didnt call back. I was scared to death of possible STI/STD.

I then emailed them (also I should state this was after 8 days of silent treatment, no response from gf).

I emailed my concerns. I also included some information about her, how she has real problems. How I had urged her to see a therapist. How she had threatened to kill me. I let them know, whats been going on, from my side of things.

Her dad responded with basically:

Mr. X,

I am formally giving notice you are not to contact me, my wife, or my daughter again, by any means, yada yada yada.

I was like... .um, are you not at all concerned about this? You have no questions about what I just told you about? Really?

I don't know why this reminded me of my situation, as I havent brought it up here. Perhaps the Mother/Father Daughter aspect. But it was really really strange.

Shes been unemployed for a year. No work. I gave them real information. Asked for info on if she had been tested at all, about my concerns.

They just said: Never contact us again.

I dunno.

[UnforgivenII]

I think your daughter "knew" somehow, without knowing. As we all did.
And if she is just a little like you, she will come out of this as a winner.

[married21years]

thanks, that is what everyone has said

she is my mini me.

i am built like herman munsters stunt double and she clocked me in the mouth once.

no one can believe she did it

i have taught her to take care of herself she is very strong!

[bus boy]

HI married21years, interesting topic. I had another experience yesterday with s9's mother and her lies. She'd bent out of shape over me informing my lawyer that we are skipping the settlement confrience and going stright to family court trial. I actually believed her text yesterday Bc my brain can't go to those dark places like hers can. It turned out her text was an out right lie. But what you said about your daughter reminds me of s9. He lies to protect him self or has to make sure our story is stright before he goes back to mom. Like a fear kind of way. I'm glad you mentioned that in your post. It makes me feel like a good father, knowing my son doesn't have to go into protection mode lying bc of me.

[married21years]

it is so hard i kept her issues in check for 25 years

my daughter grew up not knowing a lot of this

now i am gone the craziness that was kept contained by my love and care is back

it just proves beyond doubt she has BPD