recovering after being manipulated by the man who said I'm the love of his life

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Well,
I was the "love of his life". Very quickly we started dating. After 3 months he introduced me to his family. 4 kids, sister, faher,  uncles, cousins of the father. ect. Way too quickly.
Most of the family don't suport him to have a new girlfriend... ;jealousy, loalty to their mothers.
He isolated me in controlling and being jalous ans suspcious. A year long I did my best to prove that I am honest and loyal and caring and loving and that I can cook and claen but NOT willing to live together as long as his kids are most inportant and clinging on to him.
I was the "love of his life" and he spoiled me. When he realised that his daughters were never gonna except me because he had also spoiled them and they are afraid to miss out, well he started to blame me, yell at me, insulting all therapist who told him that he should defend me,
well... .I very much wanted him in my lonely life. He helped me installing my new home.
He is jealous that my home will not be his (how on earth could I live with someone as jealous as he is?) and we had an on-off-on-off-relationship.
Now he is on holiday with the daugters and I should do something better than writing on this website. However, when I wake up in the morning it feels like a tractor has ran over me because I have to live my life without the caring he gave and the sharing and we kind of rescued one-another. All by myself and nobody to blame when I feel down.
thanks.

[zonnebloem]

Well,
I was the "love of his life". Very quickly we started dating. After 3 months he introduced me to his family. 4 kids, sister, faher,  uncles, cousins of the father. ect. Way too quickly.
Most of the family don't suport him to have a new girlfriend... ;jealousy, loalty to their mothers.
He isolated me in controlling and being jalous ans suspcious. A year long I did my best to prove that I am honest and loyal and caring and loving and that I can cook and claen but NOT willing to live together as long as his kids are most inportant and clinging on to him.
I was the "love of his life" and he spoiled me. When he realised that his daughters were never gonna except me because he had also spoiled them and they are afraid to miss out, well he started to blame me, yell at me, insulting all therapist who told him that he should defend me,
well... .I very much wanted him in my lonely life. He helped me installing my new home.
He is jealous that my home will not be his (how on earth could I live with someone as jealous as he is?) and we had an on-off-on-off-relationship.
Now he is on holiday with the daugters and I should do something better than writing on this website. However, when I wake up in the morning it feels like a tractor has ran over me because I have to live my life without the caring he gave and the sharing and we kind of rescued one-another. All by myself and nobody to blame when I feel down.
thanks.

[SoMadSoSad]

Why do you think it was manipulation.

[Lonely_Astro]

Hello and welcome to the board  

I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time with this.  Have you spoken to a professional about what you're going through?  I ask because many people don't for one reason or another... .there's no shame in doing so.  I've been there and so have others.  

We can't control what others do.  That much, we must realize.  We are only responsible for ourselves and you've taken that first step by verbalizing your feelings.  It's ok to go through a whirlwind of emotions when any relationship ends.  There sounds like there were a lot of different factors at play.  What's important now is you focus on you.  That's what matters.

Keep healing and keep posting.

[Thrive]

Hi!
This is just my two cents:

The thing that stood out to me was... .he seems to orchestrate envy. When children feel they have to fight to be noticed by a parent, or get resources; and when the woman he loves feels unwelcome in his family---you can sure as heck bet he intentionally constructed things that way.

It's a sneaky way to always be in control, keep the upper hand,  and get an enormous ego boost when everyone only loves you and fights for your attention.

And it by no means is something a kind person would engage in. A good person wants everyone to feel welcome, and to know there is enough love to go around.

[zonnebloem]

Hello Thrive,

thanks for your 2 ct.

thanks for the way you look at it!

Don't forget we're talking about a BD-BD relationship!
YES... .ENVY is wat goes round in is family. Sad is thathe tries to please everyone and he makes things just worse!
It is a kis with kids.
 have to detach and I want to be strong enoug for not to open my door when he comes back... .when he might come back... .The tekst he wrote me -from abroad- is that I am Always in hi mind.
I wrote him that I am having a good time, talking to ADULTS.
Don't forget... .being Always with is kids, kept im at a very basic-kids-level.
That is what did hurt me a lot when were together... .rarely saw the adult I was looking for.
I texted him a "hate-message" that many years ago I'd fight the girls that ran off with my boyfriend... .in this case his daughters... .but it is not worth any figt anymore. I wrote it because "he can have a lot"... .bur... .do not touch his family!
A reason why I fell out... .he runs away big style from the mirror I hold him.
Then he came to a point to be willing to pay may therapy so I'd manage to be one-with-the-crazy-family. I said no thanks
Fact is that I do have a good time when he takes me out to a restaurant, or walks, as long as we enjoy the sea, beach, Woods and I can get his f-mind off is family, we have a good time... .sometimes
He is soo much family!
Well I'm gonna close this site for now because I have a gayfriend coming over to receive some vegetable out of my garden. A friend who hasn't been here for a while because my BD was even jealous of a GAYfriend and I felt so damned loyal to his f-wishes that I forget ME; myself , I and my friends.
Amen. Haleluja!
have a nice time. Thanks

[zonnebloem]

 

Hello Thrive,

We are 2 weeks later now.
Te BPD'ex is in France, camping with is youngest daughter.

I'le let him known how I feel about what I call "a sick situation".
I was on the way of NOT answering his messages anymore.
He gave me a 9 day "silent retreatment" and I thought... .I can do better...

Last night he texted that he fell off a horse.
Ribs damaged. Can barely sit up nor lay down.
So what I wanted the "drop death"... .nearly happened...
Having empathy I asked if he is insured well enough to get home by the Insurance.
In my mind I was working out ways to go and get him, them.
Now he writes that he can dive home and he writes the nice things he can still do with his broken ribs as walking, swimming (I told him I miss him to go swimming in the sea as we used to do) Without your answer I would have let him know that I am jealous. If it is that what he wants... .I won't let him know.
Actually I am feeling so much better and getting used to being alone again.
Better than the situation he has put me in with all the family-issues.
thanks.